Any questions?
[New York Times]

The health care debate’s fifteen minutes are finally, finally up. Ugh, do you even remember all that? Anyway, Obama will now solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, America’s original synonym for “unable to be fixed with one swift gesture.” Obama’s (alleged!) new peace plan includes TEN swift gestures, which he will (allegedly!) present at a peace conference in Egypt at the end of the month. This does not leave much time for every person on Earth to begin absolutely despising each clause of the hated plan for quasi-personal reasons of varying legitimacy! Let’s begin immediately. MORE »

America’s top bone-shattering Moral Megaphone to the Foreigns, Hillary Clinton, after months of begging, has finally been granted Nobama’s permission to deliver her first major speech as Secretary of State! (18 million cracks, natch.) In her address this afternoon at the Council on Foreign Relations, the famous lady will declare America’s ardent support for capturing terrorists, not capturing non-terrorist muslins (like four people total), preserving human rights everywhere all the time, fixing some minor Israeli/Palestinian tiff, nonproliferation of rad nukes, saving economics, and the climate changes — you know, gay stuff. And yet there is still one comical bit about how America can still just bomb the fuck out of everybody when all else fails, leading Politico’s Mike Allen to label this a “muscular” speech in his definitive preview. MORE »

No one ever said having a pragmatic foreign policy was easy, but it’s what Barack Obama wants, and sometimes you just have to let terrible states work out their internal political problems on their own (at least for a few days or weeks or whatever). The other option is to have John McCain as President of the United States, a situation where skepticism over the legitimacy of foreign election results would immediately lead to all sorts of belligerent condemnations and freaking *oil embargoes* and eventually nine or so wars, on the same country, before the dust settles. [Think Progress]

New York Republican Rep. John McHugh, ranking GOP member of the House Armed Services Committee, wrote this thing for The Hill yesterday that very politely and professionally urged his fellow Republicans to hit Barack Obama hard over Iran, North Korea, the Defense budget, and various other foreign policy issues that the President is a chit-chatty pussy about. Barack Obama didn’t much care for these “tips,” so he kidnapped McHugh from his home last night and ordered him to become his new Secretary of the Army. And now play time’s over for John McHugh, for there will be no more of his fanciful “Help the Republican party!” schoolyard dalliances in The Hill, ever again. [NYT]

Ancient New Yorker reporter Seymour Hersh is so insanely well-sourced in the realms of defense, state, and intelligence that it’s hard to tell how accurate his terrifying tales about Dick Cheney are, because no other journalist is capable of seconding him. But they sure make for great blog posts! Just find the key paragraph, blockquote it, add Star Wars photo and BLAM, everyone’s scared shitless of Dick Cheney all over again. He’s like the Final Boss on 24 — the one who shows up in the 18th hour or so and is revealed to be the true corporate puppetmaster behind previous fake Final Bosses, who were in fact just diversions, and expendable. Huh? Oh yes, Seymour Hersh says Dick Cheney is spying on Obama. MORE »

Congressmen Keith Ellison and Brian Baird have returned from their little excursion to the Middle East and will talk about What They’ve Learned in a panel discussion, “Thinking Through a U.S. Strategy Toward Gaza,” at 12:45PM on Thursday, March 5, at the New America Foundation. MORE »

Lawrence Eagleburger served as Secretary of State under George H.W. Bush and is a serious, well-regarded Republican statesman — so it should come as no surprise that he is secretly in the tank for Barack Obama. Eagleburger endorsed John McCain for president, as McCain fondly recalled in a meandering interview with Walter Cronkite this past weekend, and yet! This Eagle Burger obviously harbors very sexist feelings toward Sarah Palin, because he had not-very-supportive things to say about her on the socialist ham radio propaganda network, “National Public Radio.” MORE »

After demonstrating her ability to flub an interview with literally anyone, including third graders, Sarah Palin made sure she had some backup in her talk with NBC’s Brian Williams. She took along her running mate, John McCain! But still, when Williams asked her, “What, in your mind, is a ‘precondition’?” as it pertained to meeting with dictators, she went all woogly about those who would seek to destroy America, blah blah blah. In other words, SHOCKER, she does not know what a precondition is. MORE »

That’s WALNUTS! after downing his fifteen nightly Ambien. What a nut. But, he showed up for tonight’s debate, and that’s more than he was planning on yesterday! So give him credit HE WAS IN THE WAR FOR CHRIST’S SAKE JESUS. Anyway: tonight’s debate is about race. No. Foreign policy… of race? we have four 40s for the night but still have some vague idea of what’s going on at the moment. Let’s watch, uh, MSNBC CNN or something, sure, and get drunker faster better before the “show” starts. We’ll be having a new liveblog every half-hour tonight. MORE »

Well looky here at who’s getting too big for her lipsticks! It’s the most presumptuous celebrity in the world, Alaskan teleprompter fraud Sarah Palin. She’ll be meeting with various foreign dignitaries at the U.N. next week in order to show dubious Americans that she can, uh, sit down for crab cakes and fizzy water with the Sultan of Dubai. We are pretty sure this is tantamount to treason, meeting with all these people who can’t even vote in America. How nauseating to see somebody showboating around all glamorous-like with international superstars when there’s real work to do at home in the Real America (not New York). COUNTRY FIRST, PALIN. [Washington Wire]