Tag Archives: foreign policy

  Him smart

Jeb Bush No Like Big Words

He's just a simple caveman candidate
At long last we have an explanation for why Jeb! Bush fucks it up so bad every time he’s asked to answer a question. BECAUSE WORDS IS HARD AND TOUGH. Big words with syllables are for ineffective fancypants elitists like Barack Obama and John Kerry and Hillary Clinton, whereas little words, like the kinds Jeb! and his brother use, are good. He explained this in the same interview in which he said Americans wouldn’t be so poor if we just worked a million more hours per day: Read more on Jeb Bush No Like Big Words…
  A Really Smart Person

Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe

Feel free to take a swing too
The Great American Hairball, Donald Trump, reportedly offered an amusing variation this weekend on his longstanding view that the Iraq War was a huge, not-classy mistake. At a meeting of the conservative Hollywood group “Friends of Abe” (Lincoln, not Vigoda), Trump explained what George W. Bush got wrong in the years after 9/11, according to LA Weekly: Read more on Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe…
  DEAR PREZNIT DUMBASS

Wonkette Writes Wingnut Letters To President Obama, About How He Is A Idiot

President Obama did a big interview with the “Extra” teevee program, and told correspondent Jerry Penacoli that he responds to ALL the letters his people bring him, even when it’s just wingnuts writing in to say, “You Are A Idiot.” The president said he tries to “address their concerns,” but considering the “concerns” people have about this president, we wonder what does he say to them? When they call him A Idiot, does he call them A Idiot back? Read more on Wonkette Writes Wingnut Letters To President Obama, About How He Is A Idiot…
  I see England I see France I can see Russia from my house

Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice

Less charisma than a sleeping basset hound, and nowhere near as cute.
Despite the fact that presidential candidate Carly Fiorina (R-LOL) has explained that going places on airplanes — like that know-nothing Hillary Clinton, who used to be Secretary of State — is not the same thing as actual foreign policy experience, her likely rival for the nomination, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin (R-Zzzzzzz), apparently is not paying attention, because he told Bob Schieffer on Face The Nation that he will be so much better of a president than Hillary Clinton, because the places he went to on airplanes are nice, and the places Hillary Clinton went to on airplanes suckity suck, and are also Benghazi: Read more on Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Furious At Tyrant Obama For Letting ISIS Win All Wars

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel is running out of things to say. The former governor of Alaska published less than six full minutes of content this week, and her longest video (clocking in at 2:17) focused on a four-year-old tale about the muzzling of a conservative student newspaper at the University of Minnesota, blah blah blah, it is just the most boring story about “free speech” you have ever heard. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Furious At Tyrant Obama For Letting ISIS Win All Wars…
  One Strike You're Out

President Scott Walker Will Beat Foreign Enemies Just Like Reagan, By Firing Air Traffic Controllers

Hey, Walky, watch me pull foreign policy outta my ass!
Scott Walker was out proving his foreign policy expertise again this weekend, Wisconsplaining how not knowing diddly about those foreigns isn’t really all that important as long as you have the mental toughness to break a union or two. For instance, just look at what Walker said was Ronald Reagan’s greatest foreign-policy achievement: firing all the striking air traffic controllers in 1981. This is what sets Scott Walker apart from other Republicans. Where the average Republican would reflexively say tax cuts are the solution to every problem, Scott Walker boldly goes with union busting. Read more on President Scott Walker Will Beat Foreign Enemies Just Like Reagan, By Firing Air Traffic Controllers…
  He's Seen Some Things Man

Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits

ISIS is pretty much just a teacher's union with rocket propelled grenades, after all
In his speech to CPAC Thursday night, Scott Walker let America know that he’s ready to handle international relations without wasting any time on diplomacy, explaining how his experience in crushing public-employee unions makes him the perfect choice to take on international terrorism: Read more on Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Sees Syria By The Seashore

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker.
This is the screengrab posted by the Sarah Palin Channel for her video about the fall of Yemen’s capital. We are not making this up, and for once, we are not portraying Palin in a light less flattering than the one she has cast upon herself. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Sees Syria By The Seashore…
  butchers of the world unite!

Politico Wins The Morning With Some Henry Kissinger Knob-Gobbling

The 70s were so weird.
Withered garden gnome Henry Kissinger got himself a nice little write-up in Politico the other day. The thrust of the knob-swabbing was that even at his nursing home-appropriate age of 91, visits to his consulting office to kiss the old butcher’s ring remain de rigueur for any presidential candidate from either major party. Which is how you get the spectacle of such foreign policy savants as Scott Walker, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio and Chris Friggin’ Christie parading through Kissinger’s inner sanctum to toast him with a goblet of the freshly squeezed blood of orphaned Third World street urchins that keeps the Dark Lord’s atrophied heart beating. Read more on Politico Wins The Morning With Some Henry Kissinger Knob-Gobbling…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again

After a content-heavy end to the year, the Sarah Palin Channel has regressed to the mean. She’s posted three videos in the last seven days, one of which was designed as a complement to her Faceplace screed on DogGate. And if we’re being perfectly honest with ourselves, Palin’s video about Jill Hadassah (yes, that is the dog’s actual name) is really cute and does exactly what it’s intended to do. Beware, Wonketeers, for Sarah Palin is improving in her ability to grift across multiple media channels, and she’s doing it with a widdle puppy with a cute widdle puppy face. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again…
  lies damned lies and a beka book

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Leave Reality To Other People

Better fire up your modems and log into your AOL account (or Prodigy for you hipsters). Time for another look at the ruinous near-decade of prosperity under Bill Clinton, as refracted through the Truthiness Lens of rightwing Christian textbooks. This week, foreign affairs! (And next week, we’ll get to the other kind.) Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Leave Reality To Other People…
  stupid is as stupid does

Louie Gohmert Wins All Foreign Policy By Debunking Comedy Routine

Hiya, Wonketeers! Do you know what Vladimir Putin’s annexation of the Crimea means for the New Russian Century? We do not, we are a peen-joke blog, so we rely on experts to expertlain it to us. Whaddaya got, Maureen Dowd? Obama wears mom jeans, blah, blah Hillary 2016? No, too 2008. How about you, William Kristol? Obama wears mom jeans, so we should start a war with Russia. No, too 1853. Who can save us from our dumb? Why, the expertest expert of them all, that foreign policy genius and media critic Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Brain Damage)! Super Gohmert took to the floor of the House t’other day to break down the true significance of Russia’s land grab, which is that Sarah Palin was right all along. Uhhhhh, okay! Read more on Louie Gohmert Wins All Foreign Policy By Debunking Comedy Routine…
  let's go do some crimea

Mitt Romney Explains Where Obama Went Wrong (Hint: It Is ‘Everywhere’)

It sure is a good thing that politics stops at the water’s edge, because otherwise this Mitt Romney pouting in the Wall Street Journal sure would be controversial, since basically he tells America that we really screwed up bad by choosing such a terrible president who is decidedly not Mitt Romney. You see, were it not for all of Barack Obama’s manifest failures to do things much differently, the world would be a pretty nice place, but as it is, everything that foreign countries have done is the result of Barry Bamz being a big weakling. Also, Hillary Clinton, too. Romney laments that there are “no good options” on a whole bunch of international issues, like Crimea of course, but also Afghanistan and Iraq and Iran and North Korea, all of which Obama really screwed up on, leaving America with its hands tied: A large part of the answer is our leader’s terrible timing. In virtually every foreign-affairs crisis we have faced these past five years, there was a point when America had good choices and good options. There was a juncture when America had the potential to influence events. But we failed to act at the propitious point; that moment having passed, we were left without acceptable options. Fittingly, the column was published on a Monday night; you sort of imagine Mitt in a helmet and shoulder pads, calling plays into the past. Because if you look at history, it’s clear that America can always make other countries do exactly what America wants when we have a good leader who does the right thing, as proven by that quote from Shakespeare about how you gotta catch the tide just right and ride it, because Charlie don’t surf. Read more on Mitt Romney Explains Where Obama Went Wrong (Hint: It Is ‘Everywhere’)…
  cry reagan and let slip

Rand Paul Goes For The Record With One ‘Reagan’ For Every 32 Words

This amazing document was authored by Senator Rand Paul’s guy who does these for him and comes to us via POLITICO, whom we’ll discuss in a minute. What we have here is, in our experience, unprecedented. Rand Paul’s guy has not just broken the Reagan barrier but shattered it: In a 699 word op-ed nominally on foreign policy, the word ‘Reagan’ is used 22 times. There are an additional 5 instance of ‘he,’ 3 of ‘his,’ and 2 of ‘him.’ This is an op-ed ore of such purity that ‘Reagan’ and his pronouns constitute 4.5% of the total column mass. It’s unheard of. Read more on Rand Paul Goes For The Record With One ‘Reagan’ For Every 32 Words…
  Darth Hater

Dick Cheney: Why Wasn’t Hillary Clinton As Good At Foreign Policy As Dick Cheney?

Often is the question asked: Are Dick Cheney crazy, stupid, or lying? Even if you don’t limit yourself to choosing just one, it’s tougher to answer this question about Cheney than it is with many of his peers. Consider this quote, typed out by POLITICO from Cheney’s recent appearance on Hugh Hewitt’s radio show “I Am Always Angry And It’s All Your Fault”: “I think the Benghazi thing is one of the great — it’s not just an embarrassment, it’s a tragedy, because we lost four people that night. And what I always recall is her testimony saying, ‘What difference does it make?’ And the fact of the matter is it makes a huge difference.” FOUR PEOPLE! Dick Cheney is so, so hurt that Obama and Hillary won’t take responsibility for these FOUR PEOPLE who died horribly serving their country (even though Hillary did take responsibility by literally saying the words “I am responsible”). …FOUR PEOPLE! Go and seek medical attention for the rage-stroke (ew) you just had, then ask yourself: What in the hell is this man trying to accomplish? Read more on Dick Cheney: Why Wasn’t Hillary Clinton As Good At Foreign Policy As Dick Cheney?…
  we are the holodeck men

NSA Chief Used Replica Of Set From Popular ‘Star Trek’ TV Program To Impress Congresscritters, Win Support For Spying

Foreign Policy has a detailed, insightful profile of the “cowboy” approach to surveillance taken by NSA Director Keith Alexander. There’s a lot of important, outrageous, we-should-be-worried-about-this stuff in there about his cavalier approach to the law and to civil liberties and privacy. And we’re going to completely ignore all that, because somebody sent us a link to this BoingBoing post and all we could think was, “Oooh, SHINY!” Cory Doctorow sets up the part of the story that matters to us: [The] top spook is fan of science fiction movies and built his old command room to look like the bridge of the Enterprise from Star Trek: The Next Generation. He sold members of Congress by letting them sit in the big chair and “play Picard.” OK, look, we know that we should be seriously bothered by this, and on one level we are. But at the moment, our inner 12-year-old is running our grey matter, so we can only murmur, “Cooooooool.” Read more on NSA Chief Used Replica Of Set From Popular ‘Star Trek’ TV Program To Impress Congresscritters, Win Support For Spying…