Tag Archives: for the kids

  mammoth cave

Science Nice Time! S.C. Drops Creationist Nonsense From Awesome Girl’s Fossil Bill

Hurrah and high-fives all around for 8-year-old science fan Olivia McConnell, the nifty South Carolina kid who wrote to her state legislators to propose that they name the Columbian Wooly Mammoth as the state fossil. Her state senator and representative thought it was a good idea, too, so they introduced a bill, and everyone felt good about helping South Carolina children to learn how a bill becomes a law. Except that after the bill passed the state House, it got hung up in the Senate because a couple of creationist morons wanted to insert language explaining how God made mammoths on the sixth day, about 6000 years ago (on a Saturday), and then we all felt terrible because Olivia was learning entirely too much about how government actually works. But now, here is the update we genuinely didn’t expect would come anywhere near this soon: Rachel Maddow reported Tuesday night that the Senate has agreed to remove the creationist language from the bill and let a clean version go forward. Yay, science, and yay, Olivia! Read more on Science Nice Time! S.C. Drops Creationist Nonsense From Awesome Girl’s Fossil Bill…
  Teen Korner For Teenz

My Jimmies Remain Rustled: Wonket Teen Korner For Teenz, Religion Edition

Well, dear Wonketteers, Kid Zoom has had his carefree teen life disrupted by a new source: religious people imposing their ideas on others. I am sick and tired of people assuming that critical thinking is a virus, and injecting their vaccine of religion to keep this disease out of our schools once and for all. And unfortunately, in the great state of Idaho, this train of thought is literally as common as drunken mountain men taking a bath in hot springs. And drunken mountain men taking a bath in hot springs is not a “colorful metaphor.” It is an Actual Thing, one which I have been personally subjected to on two different camping trips. Read more on My Jimmies Remain Rustled: Wonket Teen Korner For Teenz, Religion Edition…
  movin' on up

Tennessee To Stop Feeding Its Dumb Kids

This thing — to motivate the lazy Poors to become better parents, Stacey Campfield (R-HardKnoxville) has introduced a bill that would cut Temporary Assistance to Needy Families benefits by up to 30% if children fail to make “satisfactory academic progress” Read more on Tennessee To Stop Feeding Its Dumb Kids…
  wonketjugend

Announcing Wonket’s Teen Korner! For Teenz!

Kid Zoom is the son of Yr Doktor Zoom. He is 15 and a sophomore in high school. He got this gig by making a boob joke. As of right now, I am going to do what every English teacher has ever told me not to: tell you what my writing will be about! It is going to be about the Internet, that you are wasting your life on RIGHT NOW, and how it is bad for children and other living things. First of all, fucking Snap Chat. For those of you geezers who haven’t heard of it, and who aren’t supposed to be reading this anyway because this is the Teen Korner for Teenz, Snap Chat is a messaging service that sends a picture that’s deleted within a certain time period of being received. Sounds like a perfect idea to reduce clutter, right? No, “reducing clutter” is for housewives. IT IS FOR SEXTING, DUH. Or for sending pictures that are literally a shit. We got this picture that was someone’s gigantic dookie. And to top it all off, everybody said, “Well, at least it wasn’t his penis again.” (Lol, Wonkette lets me say penis.) It is also a damn inconvenience. For we happy few who are not baked out of our minds, and *gasp* actually trying to learn, having our peers shriek and giggle about literally sending each other pictures of their own bored faces is extremely distracting. And then when I ask them to stop, and I’m not even, like, being a dick or anything, they’re just like “Lol, nerd,” and I’m like :( Read more on Announcing Wonket’s Teen Korner! For Teenz!…
  egregious breaches of ethics

Justice Sonia Sotomayor Personally Selling Pepsi To Dying Fat Kids, Yalies Outraged

Now that the New York Times is done carrying water for the CIA, it has plenty of man-power to commit to other pressing matters, like how Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor is attending a conference for Yale alumnae, and there are — at minimum — two people who are kind of mad about it. PepsiCo is sponsoring a conference in April for women who attended Yale, and Justice Sonia Sotomayor, a graduate of Yale Law School, is scheduled to make remarks Ok… to the dismay of some alumni. Oh! Here is the conflict. Explain it to us, por favor: Read more on Justice Sonia Sotomayor Personally Selling Pepsi To Dying Fat Kids, Yalies Outraged…
  the saddest thing

‘Hungry Child’ Sesame Street Muppet To Entertain Actual Hungry Children

Because so many millions of American children are plopped in front of the teevee to watch Sesame Street instead of getting any breakfast, what with 45 million people on food stamps and tens of millions with no jobs and other economic unpleasantness, the folks at the Children’s Television Workshop will introduce a sad new muppet character, “Lily,” who does not have enough food to eat and so is wasting away as the other characters sort of uncomfortably go about their already weirdly doomed lives. Read more on ‘Hungry Child’ Sesame Street Muppet To Entertain Actual Hungry Children…