Wonkette

WISDOM IN THE EMAILS: “Wonkette-rs: Just wanted to point out the incredibly flawed logic of the Republican Party staging the final night of their convention — AND the all-important speech by their nominee — on the same night as opening kick-off for the NFL. Not only is football the most popular sport by viewership in the USA, it’s also (supposedly) favored by gun-totin’, red-blooded, all-around good ol’ boys (like Levi Johnston!). — Juan S.” [UPI]

Does Barack Obama have a “major league sports team owner” problem? It sure looks like it, because he has not raised nearly as much money from this crucial demographic as that other guy, John McCain. McCain has raised more than $3.2 million from major sports team owners and their families, while Barack Obama has raised only $615,000 — despite the fact that Obama is way better at basketball. Too bad Obama is too much of an elitist to relate to simple, working-class multimillionaire sports team owners. [Politico]

Hey so here is something funny: That Harry Sargeant fellow — the one who has been raising massive riches for John McCain from a variety of shady, penniless sources — was in the Delta Lambda chapter of the Pi Kappa Alpha frat at Florida State, where he was the “brother” of Charlie Crist and partook in the straightest activities ever. Would you like to see some old frat pictures of Charlie Crist playing football in what looks like a pair of long white panties? No? What about Charlie Crist in a magical crown and cape? Follow us on a wonderful journey into the land of gay rapist facial hair — in other words, Florida in the 70s. MORE »

This is a photograph of the American President giving an important address while Our National Hero Eli Manning stands behind him and picks his nose. Nothing else is happening in this picture. [AP Photo]

Every year about this time, America gathers together to watch commercials and drink beer as part of the “Super Tuesday Bowl,” which is an annual sporting contest between the Right Wing Militia Patriots and the New York Mets. Nobody knows the ultimate outcome, but people will be talking about the advertisements for several hours tomorrow! For example, did you see the one with the hot girl in underwear making a reference to the very sporting event you were watching? (See photo.) Also, Barack Obama bought some local ad time in a few places. How did this change politics forever? MORE »

Which do you care about more: football, or global warming? Since both of these are liberal conspiracies, the common answer is usually “freedom.” Nevertheless, the Environment America organization issued a press release today trying to relate to the “average American,” who cannot understand the concept of “the temperatures are always going up and we will soon melt” and need to be patronized with football references. We’ve scanned this fucker up-and-down for red flags, but now we have stopped and assume it’s real. It is called: “Could Global Warming Threaten the Patriots’ and Giants’ Edge?: Rising Temperatures Could Lessen Home Field Advantage Over Warm Weather Rivals.” MORE »

Police are investigating the murder of the Washington Redskins’ Sean Taylor, who died in a Miami Hospital over the night after being shot early Monday morning. Since Taylor had reported a previous break-in to his home eight days prior to the shooting — and Taylor’s fiancee found the house phone line cut when she tried to call the police Monday morning — something more than circumstance appears to be at play. As Redskins vice president of football operations Vinny Cerrato noted today, “”This was a deliberate attack.” MORE »

Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor has died a day after he was shot in his Miami home, according to his attorney. [CNN]

Mike Huckabee appeared with champion endorser and lady-beater extraordinaire Ric Flair this weekend at the South Carolina-Clemson football game, where they drank, ate, maybe beat up some chicks. Or maybe espoused Huckabee’s demented plan to kill income taxes and make the sales tax monstrously regressive. Who knows! Whatever the case, Ric Flair was sure to add his two cents: “Just remember that the first part of ‘Whooo, pig, sooie!’ is ‘Whooo!’” Yeah… hooray for… Team A? [AP/Yahoo]

Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor was shot outside his Miami home around 2:00 a.m. this morning, and remains in a local hospital. Police are still trying to figure it out. [Fox5]

Did you know the whole Iran-White House thing is a big scam because both Bush and Ahmadinejad answer to the same boss, Satan? Well it could be true, as proven by this Conspiracy Planet photo comparison showing both unloved presidents doing the HAIL SATAN gesture. We’ve often posted pictures of Bush Junior worshiping his father in hell, but this is the first time we’ve seen Iranian McBeardy guy rocking the Heavy Metal Hands — and check him out, all double-barreled and whatnot. MORE »

When we saw a McCain fundraiser email that said it was from Roger Staubach we were totally bewildered and excited. Not until we loaded the attached images did we realize that it was the former Cowboy and not Robert Steinbuch. [CBS]

SCANDAL ALERT: Condi Rice co-owns a house with a Stanford liberal documentary director who used to make liberal documentaries with Bill Moyers! What a hypocrite. Rice, of course, works for an administration that is totally conservative and always doing things against liberals — and now we find out that she shares a home with a liberal?

According to Washington Post diplomatic correspondent Glenn Kessler’s book about Condi — which we sort of flipped through, but obviously not closely enough — Rice owns a house with liberal filmmaker Randy Bean. Oh, and there’s a third co-owner, too: “Coit Blacker, a Stanford professor who is openly gay.” Oh, and Randy Bean’s a woman. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Oregon Rep. Peter DeFazio (D) said “fuck” on the radio last month… Stephanie Tubbs Jones held a “manicures and muffins” party for donors. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: A retired White House pastry chef wrote a memoir! Did you know: the Secret Service used to delease hundreds of trout into the river at Camp David just to keep Jimmy Carter from killing himself. Nancy Reagan was an incredible bitch. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Justin Timberlake: too boring to party in DC… Politicians be throwing football parties. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: Colbert guests get better schwag than O’Reilley guests… Scooter Libby’s and Karl Rove’s publicists just merged to form a one-stop PR house for incompetent criminals… Hillary Clinton is funny. [USN&WR]
* Shenanigans: Michael Steele drives around in a Lexus with a “Steele for Senate” sticker. [Politico]