football
A reporter asked Mitt Romney today where he thought free agent Peyton Manning should play football next season. Ahh, there’s a nice birthday softball question for ya! All he had to say was that he’s a Patriots fan, so he hopes Manning doesn’t play for a team in the same division. This is all he [...]
Dirtbag clown/redneck millionaire Randall Williams — who goes by his legendary father’s name to better fleece the poors — done went and half-assed called Obama a “Hitler” on the Fox News, and you know you can only do that in code, or while huntin’ coon with Rick Perry or whatever. So the football show has [...]
Sweet Jeebus, AOL has agreed to purchase popular liberal/Brangelina Internet destination “The Huffington Post” for $315 million! Why does AOL think this is a wise investment? And will Arianna Huffington’s citizen journalists continue to Win the Afternoon, with the hottest hot scoops (“D-List Celebrity Has Boobs” and “Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Celebrities Who [...]
This year’s Super Bowl may not include Tim Tebow lecturing America about nearly-aborted fetuses, but it has something even better: Lord Ronald Reagan! Some soulless libtards planned the Super Bowl to be on Reagan’s 100th birthday, so to make up for this, the event will now include a pre-game circle jerk tribute to this dead [...]
Hey! Super Bowl 666 (sorry – Super Bowl DCLXVI) is just days away. Which group of plus-sized men wearing leggings and suffering from multiple concussions/severe dementia will win? And will there be a multitude of funny beer commercials, for Rancid Piss Lite, et cetera, for all the miserable people watching on their HD wide-screens at [...]
Still bummed out over America’s comedic loss of Christine O’Donnell? Relax! There’s always another Top Tier Clown that will emerge to provide the laughs in the next election cycle. And the 2012 Humor Olympics have begun, because George Allen will announce today that he’s running for the Senate in Virginia, in 2012! Just six years [...]
Oh would you look at that, it’s already football season. Real Americans sit on their couches, flip between the games and their Tivo’d Dancing with the Stars, and stuff corn dogs and corn sugar into their mouths. But not Washingtonians! Here, the masses pile into fancy bars and feast on upscale football-watchin’ foods that don’t [...]
What have you infidels done this time to infuriate Mahmoud Ahmadinejad so thoroughly? (Trick question, for your very existence forces Ahmadinejad to hate you at all hours of the day.) But his never-ceasing hatred has just been multiplied by infinity, thanks in part to a certain German octopus by the name of Paul, who is [...]
Two fine young British ladies have taken it upon themselves to make a fun music video in which they spit hot rhymes about Dave Cameron, the Tory-man who is running for the position of Queen. (They also maliciously refer to Cameron as “DC,” which apparently is not an insulting name to call someone in Great [...]
Poor old Ben “Wario” Nelson is having such trouble proving to the Real Americans of Nebraska — the Most Real Americans out there, yikes! — that the pending expansion of health insurance conducted entirely through the existing for-profit private corporate market is not a Kenyan Afro-Socialist takeover of their guns for Allah. Tonight he will [...]
BAD NEWS FOR ST. LOUIS SPORTS ENTHUSIASTS: A certain man wants to buy your awful football team, the Rams, and he’s known for being disagreeable! It is fat weird person Rush Limbaugh, from the radio. As you may recall, Rush was briefly involved in professional football before. ESPN hired him in 2003 to join its [...]
Why is our Savior donning a football jersey? In between firing black people and brainwashing children, even he knows that the end of summer means the start of football season. College football began this past weekend and the NFL starts sometime soonish too. Thus, you will need bars, bars with MULTIPLE TEEVEES (in high definition, [...]
