Tag Archives: food stamps

  Convenient Timing...Or Murder???

Did Obama Murder This Oklahoma Congressional Candidate Last Night? Probably

Another victim of Obama's 11th dimensional chess game?
So far, nobody’s calling it a conspiracy, but it’s the only reasonable conclusion: just days before the election, a nice old man running for Congress died after being hit by a car, and you just know that Obama had to be involved. Earl Emmitt Everett, 81, a retired teacher and Korean War vet, died Sunday after being critically injured in an “accident” Friday. He’d been running a “decided underdog” campaign against Oklahoma Republican Markwayne Mullin, and … oh, Everett was a Democrat? Never mind then. Just an accident. Read more on Did Obama Murder This Oklahoma Congressional Candidate Last Night? Probably…
  don't call it a comeback

Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee

Scott Walker, locked in a tight race for his second term as governor of Wisconsin, wants his constituents to know he’s committed to their conservative Midwestern values. It’s all right there in his campaign’s new manifesto, “Continuing Wisconsin’s Comeback”: If you give him four more years, he promises to cut property taxes, celebrate deer hunting heritage, supervise manly red-hot iron pours, and relentlessly pursue the urine of the state’s unemployed. Read more on Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee…
  we had a better class of underclass back then

Ben Carson So Glad His Welfare Mom Wasn’t Dependent On Government

Doctor Ben Carson, the neurosurgeon who thinks Obamacare is the worst thing since slavery, went on “The View” Tuesday and explained how we can Save America: “We have to help re-educate people about what America is,” a turn of phrase surely that no wingnut would ever freak out about. Perhaps camps could even be provided for the purpose. And what you need to do to help people realize their dream is to free them from the government’s neo-Marxist welfare teat. And what greater waste of human potential is there than the enslavement of getting help with food and healthcare? Luckily Dr. Carson can explain for us why welfare and food stamps that helped him as a child were the good kind of welfare and food stamps, as opposed to the moocher 47 percent freeloader kind you get today. Read more on Ben Carson So Glad His Welfare Mom Wasn’t Dependent On Government…
  stfu tucker carlson

Nutritionist Tucker Carlson: We Should Do Something About All These Disgusting Fat Poors

Tucker Carlson, who plays a human being on Fox’s Outnumbered, explained the connection between obesity and poverty Wednesday, pointing out that poor people are only fat because the government keeps giving them food, and that there’s no such thing as a fat rich person. Who is this man who is so wise in the ways of science? Perhaps he can explain how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. Read more on Nutritionist Tucker Carlson: We Should Do Something About All These Disgusting Fat Poors…
  the boors you will always have with you

Bryan Fischer Revises Christian Teaching On Wealth, Explains Poors Should ‘Kiss The Ground’ Where 1% Walk

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” –Mark 10:21-23 And lo, the prophet Bryan, Fischer of Men, did speak to the people Tuesday through their radios, and he did say, “Now just wait a darn minute… have you thought this through? The rich pay for everything, so just you knock off your class warfare, Jesus.” Read more on Bryan Fischer Revises Christian Teaching On Wealth, Explains Poors Should ‘Kiss The Ground’ Where 1% Walk…
  real kabuki has slightly more action

House GOP Passes Ryan Budget, Offers To Help Democrats Write Campaign Ads For Fall

The House of Representatives voted 219-205 to approve the terrible Paul Ryan budget plan that everyone agrees doesn’t have a chance in the Senate and, for that matter, isn’t even likely to result in any actual spending bills in the House. But the sucker has been passed, and that’s an achievement right there; since it got more votes than the White House budget plan — which was rejected 413-2 — then obviously the Republicans won, and America has spoken. You just can’t hear what America said too clearly since the House has the Koch Brothers’ dicks in their mouths. Read more on House GOP Passes Ryan Budget, Offers To Help Democrats Write Campaign Ads For Fall…
  i wonder if it's friendly?

Barack Obama Will Not Be President Of Naming Things

Barack Obama is feeling a little feisty after yesterday’s big football-spiking speech. Today, he went to Ann Arbor, where he visited Zingerman’s deli with Senate candidate Gary Peters, then gave a speech at the University of Michigan calling for an increase in the minimum wage. And since he had so much fun yesterday saying “there still aren’t any death panels,” he decided to do a little more of that cruel partisan taunting that so vexes the tea-sipping pearl-clutchers on the right. Of Paul Ryan’s budget plan, with tax cuts for the wealthy and food stamp cuts for the poors, Barry said today, they were such old ideas that “It’s like that movie ‘Groundhog Day,’ except it’s not funny. If they tried to sell this sandwich at Zingerman’s, they’d have to call it the stinkburger or the meanwich.” Oh, Barry. You know we love you. We really, really do. But your foray into “naming things” has reminded us of the happy sperm whale who loves naming the new things he meets as he falls unaccountably with a bowl of petunias to the ground. He wonders if the “ground” would be friends with him? Sadly, no. So, sir, now that you have made us all sad, could you do us a little favor and let Old Handsome Joe Biden handle the “quips”? Read more on Barack Obama Will Not Be President Of Naming Things…
  Are there no workhouses?

States Find Farm Bill Loophole To Feed Poor People; Jesus And GOP Righteously Pissed

TRIGGER WARNING: It appears that several states are following the law as laid out in the new farm bill to… wait for it… help poor people eat!!!!1!1! Oh, the humanity! Are you outraged? Are you clutching your pearls while your panties bunch themselves in a wad? We should have warned for earmuffs for all children, because the level of bamboozlement and chicanery and hoodwinkery should get a Political NC-17 rating, turning up the faux-rage to eleven… nay, to TWELVE. TWELVE WE SAY. TWELVE. Sorry we are breaking such awful news to you. Despite the efforts of the GOP (and all too many weak-willed Dems) to cut food stamps by some $8 billion, states are finding ways to continue to provide food stamps, much to the petulant outrage of the GOP, per The Hill: “I would hope that the House would act to try to stop this cheating and this fraud from continuing,” Boehner said. Clearly. States are doing their best to eradicate child malnutrition, and This. Must. Be. Stopped.  Read more on States Find Farm Bill Loophole To Feed Poor People; Jesus And GOP Righteously Pissed…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Eviscerates Fox News For Its Food Stamp Fixation. Just Metaphorically, Sadly

Don’t make Jon Stewart angry. Fox News accused him of mocking the network for “exposing fraud” in food stamps, so Stewart bites back with this look at how Fox presents poor people as cheats and freeloaders, caricaturing SNAP users based on a few ridiculous examples, like the surfer dude featured on six different Fox shows. The suggestion is that “if they weren’t such shitty people, they wouldn’t be poor. And those food stamps are just making them shittier. Of course, [Fox] didn’t say it so elegantly…” Read more on Jon Stewart Eviscerates Fox News For Its Food Stamp Fixation. Just Metaphorically, Sadly…
  yo momma

It Is Time For Paul Ryan To Stop Insulting Our Parents

Paul Ryan is in the news for lying again, and Wonkette helped break the story, go us! The Washington Post cited yr Editrix’s post about a comment on this TPM story that noted how Paul Ryan’s tale of a young boy who preferred the brown-bagged love of his parents to the hard cheese of socialism was suspiciously similar to one in this book, and good work if you followed all that. WaPo’s Glenn Kessler gave Ryan’s rotten fable four Pinocchios, because Paul Ryan is a small puppet child who talks to crickets, and also because he lies a lot. But honestly, we don’t care too much that Paul Ryan is lying. It’s Paul Ryan, after all. No, we care a lot more that he has a habit of calling our parents losers. His recent quattro pinocchio is a great example. Read more on It Is Time For Paul Ryan To Stop Insulting Our Parents…
  i will work harder!

Food Stamp Cuts Reduce Wal-Mart Profits And We’re Not Even Talking About Its Employees, LOL

Here is a fun fact: when Poors have less money, they spend less money. Also, when you give people money, they spend more money. However, when you punish  poor people by withholding their money to spend on food they have less money to spend on food, so they spend less money on food. The end result is not, as Rand Paul argued, “less slavery,”  but rather less food being sold.  Read more on Food Stamp Cuts Reduce Wal-Mart Profits And We’re Not Even Talking About Its Employees, LOL…
  college: ur doin it rong

Heritage Foundation Notes Food Stamps Given To Stupid College Grads Who Picked Wrong Major Like German Or Not Business

From excessive drinking to being high pretty much all the time to a wardrobe consisting of only pajamas, blogging college sure is a rockin good time. And, it helps you get a job that pays money, which enables you to buy progressively better whiskey, hoping for that one magical day when you can afford the stuff that does not come in a plastic bottle! It’s good to dream, kid. But wait! Maybe college ain’t so great after all, because did you know that some college graduates don’t make ALL THE MONIES and sometimes get laid off, and some even are forced to go on food stamps! Well, the good awful folks at the Heritage Foundation are right here to bring you the SHOCKING statistics. It seems that 28 percent of food stamp households are headed by someone who went to college. TWENTY-EIGHT PERCENT, people! That’s, like, more than 1 in 4 people on food stamps (math, bitchez). Clearly, our colleges is not learning students good. Or maybe we should blame the students! Blaming the students would only work if we were really dickish, but we are talking about the Heritage Foundation.  Read more on Heritage Foundation Notes Food Stamps Given To Stupid College Grads Who Picked Wrong Major Like German Or Not Business…
  shut up you fucking baby

Diapered Angerbear David Vitter Would Like To Maximize America’s Ability To Humiliate The Poor

Hi there, and welcome to our newest episode of David Vitter Is Being A Dick Again. We know you’ve all been breathlessly awaiting this, as you’ve been on cliffhanger tenterhooks: will he be whining about how there is not enough sweet government cash coming into Louisiana even though he doesn’t believe in government cash going anywhere? Is he cockblocking — or in his case, diaperblocking — one of Obama’s cabinet nominations? Is he playing politics with Congressional staffers’ lives and pocketbooks? Haha no, silly, this is a new season so David Vitter is being a dick in entirely new and interesting ways. Read more on Diapered Angerbear David Vitter Would Like To Maximize America’s Ability To Humiliate The Poor…
  nice time!

Ladies And Gentlemen, Wonkers And Wonkadoos, Your National Legislative Badass Of The Year, Elijah Cummings!

While 2013 certainly kept all the womyn busy in the kitchen baking shitmuffins, there were some bright and awesome spots where legislators on the national stage groped around to find long-lost sets of (gender-neutral) testicles and stood up for everything that is right and just in this world. In order to honor those men and women who encouraged us to step slowly away from the ledge, we have created the most coveted award in all the land: Legislative Badass of the Year. Despite tough competition from both chambers, we proudly present this year’s award to… ELIJAH CUMMINGS! Before we salivate and slobber and talk up this year’s champ, we have to give mad props (is that still a thing? We don’t know because old) to several runners-up who made us smile and feel good in all the right places. Read more on Ladies And Gentlemen, Wonkers And Wonkadoos, Your National Legislative Badass Of The Year, Elijah Cummings!…
  let he who thinks she's a druggie cast the first stone

Bill O’Reilly Pretty Confident Jesus Wouldn’t Feed Kids If Their Parents Were Druggies

Great Protector of Christmas Bill O’Reilly has these tidings of comfort and joy for you, America: Yeah, sure, Jesus fed the poor and he wants people to feed the poor. But is that any reason to feed the poor? In a spirited chat with yes-man priest Fr. Gerald Murray (with easily dismissed contributions from token liberal pastor Joshua DuBois), O’Reilly questioned how far good Christians need to take this whole “feed the poor” shtick anyway: “The problem I have, as I stated is that you’re helping one group by hurting another group and a bigger group, and so I don’t know if Jesus is going to be down with that.” DuBois thought maybe Jesus might be down with that, seeing as how private charity only makes up about 10% of what’s needed to feed everyone. Father Murray thought it was RIDICULOSE to think that Jesus would support Big Government, because that’s just silly. “We take care of the poor for spiritual motives,” he said, which presumably means that if government does food stamps, that’s like taking away people’s chance to be all spiritual somehow. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Pretty Confident Jesus Wouldn’t Feed Kids If Their Parents Were Druggies…
  you! stop evolving right now!

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks To Shield Your Homeschooled Darlings From Dangerous Modern Thinking

Time to round out our visit to the turn of the 20th Century — as seen through the lens of rightwing Christian textbooks — with a brief discussion of the dangerous ideas that began infecting the world in the late 19th century. Persons prone to the vapors may wish to have a couch and some smelling salts handy. For our 8th-grade textbook from A Beka, America: Land I Love, the last years of the 19th century were a terrific time when Christian revival and missions had “improved the moral health of America and many other nations.” Unfortunately, history is not merely the study of world events; it is also the study of how incorporeal beings become personally involved in those events: Homes, churches, schools, businesses, and government agencies also upheld and promoted Christian values and virtues. But Satan counter-moved the spiritual influences in America by raising up false, anti-Biblical philosophies that would eventually erode our Christian heritage. He “hatched” the ideas of Modernism (religious liberalism), evolution, Marxist-socialism (Communism), progressive education, and modern psychology in the latter half of the 19th century, but they did not affect society until the 20th century and did not come into full bloom until the latter half of the 20th century. Our 11th/12th-grade textbook, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), is similarly displeased by newfangled thinking, but doesn’t directly attribute evolution or psychology to Satan himself — parents homeschooling their high school-aged kids may therefore want to select Pensacola Christian College, the publishers of A Beka Books, over those wild-eyed radicals at Bob Jones, with their “anything goes” doctrine. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks To Shield Your Homeschooled Darlings From Dangerous Modern Thinking…
  have you considered trying breatharianism?

McDonalds’ Holiday Advice For Workers: Maybe You Could Sell Your Second Kidney?

America’s purveyors of Anus Burgers aren’t really all that big on the idea of paying a fair wage to their employees, but it’s nice to know that they’re at least willing to help them eat their bootstraps and mooch off the gummint. In yet another inspirational example of a fast food giant “helping” its employees, the “McResource line” from McDonalds has some helpful McAdvice for its McSerfs: if they’re “digging out from holiday debt,” maybe they should give some thought to cutting down on the burdensome material possessions that are just interfering with their spiritual journey to Nirvana anyway: “Selling some of your unwanted possessions on eBay or Craigslist could bring in some quick cash.” Even better, maybe they could stave off those hunger pangs by faking out their stupid brains, at least until they can become leeches: Elsewhere on the site, McDonald’s encourages its employees to break apart food when they eat meals, as “breaking food into pieces often results in eating less and still feeling full.” And if they are struggling to stock their shelves with food in the first place, the company offers assistance for workers applying for food stamps. Or at least, a couple days ago they were advising employees to try selling their unnecessary belongings… after ThinkProgress reported on the “Digging Out From Holiday Debt” tips, McDonalds pulled the webpage; a PR person explained that “Some of the content has been reviewed and changes were made where appropriate … We’ll continue to do that periodically.” You know, like, whenever we get caught. Read more on McDonalds’ Holiday Advice For Workers: Maybe You Could Sell Your Second Kidney?…
  political ads to bombard your television in 3...2...

Only 1085 Days Left Until The Next Presidential Election, Let’s All Go Die

OhEmmGee, you guys! Remember how a year ago we were all Hopey and Changey Part II and still drunkenly reveling in the streets because Blablack Blackbama was returning triumphantly to the White House and we were finally done with Richie Rich and his TigerBeat sidekick? Well strap on your campaign buttons because while there are only 36 shopping days until the pagan celebration of mid-winter, there are ONLY 1,085 DAYS UNTIL THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION! Don’t care about it yet? No one else does either. But since there are only so many shit-sandwiches we can write about, let’s sexplore what completely irrelevant things politicians are doing three years out in order to get their names in the newspapers!  Read more on Only 1085 Days Left Until The Next Presidential Election, Let’s All Go Die…
  Oh! Sweet Nuthin'

GOP Way Too Busy To Fix $5 Billion Food-Stamp Cut

The House is calling it a session today and won’t resume tormenting us until November 12, praise The Great Pumpkin. In the meantime, an automatic, across-the-board $5 billion reduction in the SNAP food assistance program will take effect November 1, when a provision of the 2009 stimulus expires. Obviously it makes zero sense to let this happen — unemployment is still high, wages are still low, the economy is still barely growing, and SNAP is an “effective and efficient” palliative for all these problems, so naturally “GOP leaders are struggling to come up with an agenda to fill the 19 legislative days that are left in 2013.” (It turns out blocking all NOBAMA’S appointments doesn’t take up too much time!) We could hem and haw about this per usual, but instead let’s imagine what we’d say if we actually believed all the GOP’s intellectually and morally bankrupt arguments against helping poor people buy small amounts of food. We already feel dirty! Alright, ready? Deep breath, clear your mind, you are now… a wingnut. Read more on GOP Way Too Busy To Fix $5 Billion Food-Stamp Cut…
  glass half full of nice time

Oregon Obamacare Communists Cut Number Of Uninsured By 10% In Two Weeks, Probably With Death Panels

The hippies running the Oregon Health Plan have enrolled 56,000 new people under the state’s expansion of Medicaid, even before the state’s insurance exchange — which has been delayed by technical glitches — is up and running. Is it a much-sought-after Obamacare success story? The low-income program has cut the number of uninsured Oregon residents by 10% in its first two weeks, using a fast-track enrollment system that the state designed, or by murdering them, one or the other, there is simply no way to ever know. Read more on Oregon Obamacare Communists Cut Number Of Uninsured By 10% In Two Weeks, Probably With Death Panels…
  get your teabagger bingo cards ready

Deleted Comments of The Day: How Many Stereotypes Can You Fit Into One Paragraph?

Sometimes when we open up the ol’ comment queue, that limbo where new would-be Wonketteers must first prove they are neither spam nor complete teabagging idiots, we feel like the Medieval Marxist’s wife: “Oooh, Dennis! There’s some lovely filth down ‘ere!” And so it was with two messages from “JustinHuman,” who just wanted us to know that he shares Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s disgust at all these poor people with fancy air conditioning: Sorry, but I agree with Elizabeth on this one. I work in healthcare, and it does get rather upsetting seeing all of the perfectly able-bodied young men and women who come in on disability benefits and Social Security in their 20s and 30s carrying the newest iPad while I work 6 days a week and can’t afford one. It’s infuriating to see people buying lobster and shrimp with their food stamps while I’m struggling working 2 jobs to feed my kids store brand basics. Then, I get to see them walk outside and get into their new luxury car while I hope my 96 Celica starts as it approaches the 200,000 mile mark on the odometer. “JustinHuman” has seen this, people, seen it with his own eyes, and he thinks it’s time for some class warfare on the undeserving poors. Ah, yes, we thought as we read on: there’s some lovely filth down ‘ere. Read more on Deleted Comments of The Day: How Many Stereotypes Can You Fit Into One Paragraph?…
  the anger games

Food Stamp Recipients Worried About Government Shutdown, Wingnuts Outraged

Aww, Twitchy: It’s so nice to know that you guys care! Under the headline “Looming government shutdown elicits concern among food stamp recipients” yesterday, the rightwing twitter aggregator noted that according to a USA Today explainer on the shutdown: the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) has enough money to last one more year. That means the food stamp spigot will keep flowing for a long time regardless of what happens in Washington DC tonight. This, of course, was an excuse to present a number of tweets from greedy food stamp recipients who “have not gotten the message:” I better Still get my food stamps this month #shutdown Read more on Food Stamp Recipients Worried About Government Shutdown, Wingnuts Outraged…