Tag Archives: food

  but if you outlaw baloney only outlaws will have baloney

Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices

Gee willikers golly Jeebus on a cracker, the states of this union are stepping up their game in the eternal contest to see who can fuck the poors with the least amount of lube. If you know Maine’s governor, Paul LePage, you won’t be surprised to hear that his entry into the Fuck The Poors contest is a doozy! Yes, it’s time for another list of Prohibited Poor People Food Theater, everyone follow along closely, because it is stupid and confusing, and it shows the lengths Republicans will go to, in order to curb-stomp poor people. Read more on Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices…
  yes but does he eat arugula?

New York Times Very Concerned Jeb Bush Isn’t A Gross Enough Fatty To Be President

The New York Times is such a lovable whackjob sometimes. They apparently are having all kinds of fun doing profiles of the GOP presidential candidates! Wednesday, we learned that smug prick Ted Cruz was also a smug prick when he was in college, and that he gets all defensive when you make jokes about him. Today, it is Jeb Bush’s turn. What jewels of knowledge does the Times have for us, about Jeb? Oh, just that he really wants to be president, but he can’t because he’s not a big fatso anymore, which means he won’t be able to relate to Trans Fat-Americans. You see, Jeb Bush has lost weight, because he has gone on the trendy Paleo diet, and also he does crunches or something: Read more on New York Times Very Concerned Jeb Bush Isn’t A Gross Enough Fatty To Be President…
  fuck the poors

Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries

When I was hungry, you said I needed to show 2 forms of ID to get food.
The Midwestern states sure do seem to be having a contest right now, over who can fuck the poors the baddest and the longest! Missouri gave it a shot, what with that dickhead rep who just wanted to make sure people receiving public assistance couldn’t waste it on seafood. But then Kansas totally took the lead, by passing a bill to ban poors from doing all kinds of things with their precious government-funded riches, like take Caribbean cruises. Gov. Sam Brownback signed the bill because DUH, everybody knows that poor people are always like “Oh I am busy that week, I’m going on a cruise.” But Wisconsin Rep. Jesse Kremer (R-You Knew That) has come up with some shit so demeaning to those struggling with poverty that we are kind of actually dumbfounded, which doesn’t happen often! Read more on Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries…
  Shame Hasn't Worked. How About Sharing?

Let’s Put Some Food On People

Happily, such scenes are a thing of the distant past
We at your Recipe Hub are monsters who like to play in butter all day, but the payout is being able to share our meals. Few things make me happier than putting food inside of people, especially because they are hungry and even more so because they need it. With that in mind, and with Thanksgiving around the corner, Yr Wonkette wants to share some important information about food banks. Read more on Let’s Put Some Food On People…
  Wow So Shooty Much Tradition

NRA Protects Pennsylvania’s Right To Eat Dogs

If you eat me now, do it quick, so that the meat does not become tough
Hooray, Pennsylvania state Senate! You came close to doing a solid for our animal friends — you passed a bill that would result in a prison sentence for anyone who “[breeds,] keeps, sells, offers for sale or transfers a dog or cat for the purpose of human consumption.” Good on ya! And Pennsylvania actually needed that, seeing as how state SPCA investigators found a number of operations where people actually were doing that. Even Republican Gov. Tom Corbett was expected to sign it, because really, who wants dogs and cats being bred as food? Read more on NRA Protects Pennsylvania’s Right To Eat Dogs…
  Are there no workhouses?

States Find Farm Bill Loophole To Feed Poor People; Jesus And GOP Righteously Pissed

TRIGGER WARNING: It appears that several states are following the law as laid out in the new farm bill to… wait for it… help poor people eat!!!!1!1! Oh, the humanity! Are you outraged? Are you clutching your pearls while your panties bunch themselves in a wad? We should have warned for earmuffs for all children, because the level of bamboozlement and chicanery and hoodwinkery should get a Political NC-17 rating, turning up the faux-rage to eleven… nay, to TWELVE. TWELVE WE SAY. TWELVE. Sorry we are breaking such awful news to you. Despite the efforts of the GOP (and all too many weak-willed Dems) to cut food stamps by some $8 billion, states are finding ways to continue to provide food stamps, much to the petulant outrage of the GOP, per The Hill: “I would hope that the House would act to try to stop this cheating and this fraud from continuing,” Boehner said. Clearly. States are doing their best to eradicate child malnutrition, and This. Must. Be. Stopped.  Read more on States Find Farm Bill Loophole To Feed Poor People; Jesus And GOP Righteously Pissed…
  oh snap

Legislative Badass: Rep. Jim McGovern Stands Up For Poor, Hungry; GOP Says STFU

Remember how much Republicans want people to go hungry? And how much they don’t care about the poors and kids (except for the unborn masturbating kind?) But amongst the fecal-dwelling goblin-cave that is Capitol Hill, a hero stands ready to fight. A man who will not force the poors to eat their bootstaps. A man who will fight to make sure kids are lavished like princes and princesses with at least the daily minimum caloric intake. Who is this god-among-goblins? None other than the next in our recurring series of Legislative Badasses, Rep. Jim McGovern (D-MA)!  What did our hero do? Rep. McGovern introduced an amendment to the farm bill that would have restored $20.5 billion to food stamps, or what is now called the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP). Read more on Legislative Badass: Rep. Jim McGovern Stands Up For Poor, Hungry; GOP Says STFU…
  rumors on the internets

Americans Are Becoming Facebook-Addicted Europeans

This morning, let’s learn about how food is turning robotic, Facebook is turning us into addicts, and the economy is turning us European. I’m pretty sure exactly none of those things would make sense a hundred years ago. Read more on Americans Are Becoming Facebook-Addicted Europeans…
  shopping with sean

Hannity: Poor People Are Doing Fine Because There Is Enough Rice And Beans To Go Around

Oh, the radio! Fox News doesn’t let Sean Hannity speak lies to the powerless to quite the degree that he would like to, so, on his radio program on Monday, the reigning drunk jock of the airwaves took a call from a man who was trying to explain why he wasn’t convinced he should vote for Mitt Romney. WELL WHY NOT? Said the caller: “I need for you to ask him, when was the last time he went to bed or woke up hungry? You see, this is the part that most Americans can associate with.” (Rude interruptions, disbelief from Hannity.) “See, it’s kind of hard for them to associate with somebody that has never, ever had any financial problems in his life,” the caller continued. Hannity’s response to this is that he himself, Hannity, because this is his show, goddammit, has “never [gone] to bed hungry in my life — ever. Most Americans haven’t.” Read more on Hannity: Poor People Are Doing Fine Because There Is Enough Rice And Beans To Go Around…
  potato ex machina

Monsanto Threatens To Sue Entire State Of Vermont Over Food Labeling Bill

Monsanto, that sickening institution behind Agent Orange and strawberries made out of fish and sugar made out of Axe Body Spray,* has claimed and will probably claim until the end of time that you don’t really need to know that your “all-natural” cereal is actually created in a lab. DON’T YOU LIKE IT? Don’t you feel yourself turning into a Transformer? But the state of Vermont is particularly not thrilled about Monsanto’s coquettish behavior, and is trying to pass H. 722, which would require food labels to tell you whether a product is genetically modified, and would prevent that “all-natural” designation from appearing on the packaging of a GMO food, BECAUSE IT ISN’T. The corporation has so much disgusting dirty cash on hand, however, that it has decided to intimidate the people of Vermont — not a timid bunch, mind you — out of proceeding with the bill. The sad thing? It looks like it’s working. Fish strawberries WILL RISE AGAIN. Read more on Monsanto Threatens To Sue Entire State Of Vermont Over Food Labeling Bill…
  brother can you spare a meal?

Obama Campaign’s New Contest: You Could Win a Plate of Food

Times are tough and getting significantly tougher, so it’s a challenge for the Obama campaign to come up with some fundraising stunts that will attract any attention in these desperate, weird times. He could put his dong on Twitter, we suppose, but that’s not exactly the right kind of attention. What the Barack Obama campaign machine needs is some kind of aspirational message, perhaps something along the lines of “Hope” and “Change” but without the actual emotion of Hope or the prospect of actual Change. Oh, we know! Have a contest, and the winner gets a plate of food. Read more on Obama Campaign’s New Contest: You Could Win a Plate of Food…
  and they're all on food stamps

Liberals Eat Fancy Healthy Food, Conservatives Eat Awful Garbage

According to a scientific survey of some people on the Internet somewhere, liberals eat the fanciest of fancy foods — while conservatives literally eat filthy garbage, mostly from fast-food anusburger chains. See if you can tell which meals were far more likely to be enjoyed by left-leaning humanists: coconut curry lamb and rice, fresh fruit, Pan Asian/French Fusion cuisine and organic vegetables. The answer, of course, is “All of them, Katie.” Because only liberals would even know what these foods are, and conservatives are eating another grease glob off their belly in the parking lot behind the Rite-Aid. Read more on Liberals Eat Fancy Healthy Food, Conservatives Eat Awful Garbage…
  groupon etiquette

Wonkabout’s Arielle Fleisher Makes Mysterious Appearance In DC CityPaper

Our Wonkabout editor, Arielle Fleisher, packed up and fled D.C. for the fun lands of Europe and then the not-so-fun lands of Michigan (for grad school), but she managed to pop up in the Washington CityPaper before this vanishing act. Did she make the news section for doing a political crime in a neighborhood ward district or whatever? No! She wrote about “Groupon Etiquette,” which is apparently what is involved when you use the online coupons from that pyramid-scheme website instead of just paying for your food: Read more on Wonkabout’s Arielle Fleisher Makes Mysterious Appearance In DC CityPaper…
  smoke 'em out of their souffle pans

George W. Bush Was Eating Souffle With His Bros When Obama Called

That’s the beginning of any good story. “I was eating souffle at Rise Restaurant with Laura and two buddies,” Bush said when asked what he was doing when he received the call from President Obama, according to an ABC News contributor who attended the event. Read more on George W. Bush Was Eating Souffle With His Bros When Obama Called…
  important announcements regarding your wonkette

Tattooed Pig Urges Wonkabout To Leave DC (Goodbye Forever!)

Well hello! After two years of eating and drinking her way around this city so you could know which small plates, pork, hamburger or pizza establishment is worthy of your hard-earned disposable income, it is time for your Wonkabout to leave the playground that is D.C. She is off to learn things in grad school, after which she’ll probably be unemployed, burdened by debt and unable to afford her pork habit. Wish her luck! But really, it was all fun and games until tattooing a dead pig for charity became an acceptable D.C. springtime activity … and then she knew it was time to go. Read more on Tattooed Pig Urges Wonkabout To Leave DC (Goodbye Forever!)…
  before it all goes to hell

Pre-Swamp Sweat Fest Fun: The Many Ways To Enjoy DC Spring

Happy third day of Passover to all our Jewish friends and a hoppy almost Easter to “everyone else!” Jews eating matza and the celebration of when Jesus returned to say “howdy” to all his followers before going away again are two exciting occasions that mark fertility, horny rabbits, and most importantly, spring. Before we enter the sweat feast that is D.C. in the summer when thousands of young impressionable political science majors will come to D.C. to flaunt their stapling skills and flocks of fanny-packed tourists will roll around town in their Segways, we get D.C.’s most enjoyable season, spring. This means there is pig to be eaten and patios to be enjoyed. Read more on Pre-Swamp Sweat Fest Fun: The Many Ways To Enjoy DC Spring…
  now that it's almost over

Keep That Shutdown Spirit Alive In Semi-Back-To-Normal D.C.

Post-no-government-shutdown blues? Everyone was all excited for the anarchy and lawlessness, that is, until they came after the hoohaws of D.C.’s low-income women. Even if D.C.’s mayor did go to jail to protest the Republican Riders, short of throwing fetuses on Boehner’s lawn, it seems like Washingtonians are just going to have to go back to doing what they do best: indiscriminately disposing of income at a food and beer establishment. Which takes us to H Street NE, where, for its newest act, it has unveiled a Mongolian restaurant where food is consumed under the faded glare of multiple flat screen teevees. D.C. at its best! Read more on Keep That Shutdown Spirit Alive In Semi-Back-To-Normal D.C….
  these things happen

D.C. Itinerary For 800,000 Furloughed Federal Employees

Washington is usually such a lively place, with its rats and whores and millionaires and non-essential government employees. How will D.C. change when the Federal Government actually shuts down forever Friday at Midnight? Maybe you like the socialist safety and security of your paycheck and don’t care for this unpaid, forced spring break? Or maybe you’re excited that this has the potential to be as much fun as snowmageddon, only without the snow and the paid time off? The reality for D.C. is rather unpleasant: No trash pick up,  no fixing the potholes, government workers struggling to survive without their BlackBerrys, and thousands of tourists on Segway tours to nowhere because all the attractions are shut down. Other than dumping your trash in front of Boenher’s house, here are some suggestions for how to make it though the Shutdown. Read more on D.C. Itinerary For 800,000 Furloughed Federal Employees…
  New Restaurants

Freedom From Fancy Culinary Tricks: Just Succulent Morsels of Meat

Apparently, in our little small-plates metropolis it is possible to have a simple, non-pork-based meal in a nice, modestly decorated restaurant. For a while there we had resigned ourselves a life where we would get all our nutrients from bacon-covered doughnuts and to drinking beer only from mason jars in dimly lit restaurants. This is why we’re excited that we can use the words “good value” and “simple” to describe Medium Rare, a new steakhouse in the semi-revived Cleveland Park. Maybe you’re of the rare breed that likes to eat well priced, decidedly undercooked, tender, succulent morsels of meat? Read more on Freedom From Fancy Culinary Tricks: Just Succulent Morsels of Meat…
  barack obama got you a cupcake

The Confectionery Lobby: D.C.’s Cupcakes Have Gone Too Far

It turns out that the biggest evil in this great nation isn’t the Koch Brothers after all. Their evil is no match for “heaping swirls of luscious confection atop rich, creamy pastry,” also known as cupcakes. You see, while this set of extremist billionaires was busy using their money to Kochblock unions, students from voting, et cetera and so forth, cupcakes were being used by lobbyists for AT&T to influence policy: 1,500 cupcakes supplied by D.C.’s own Georgetown Cupcake were delivered by AT&T to the F.C.C.’s headquarters while the F.C.C. was debating how Internet service providers should manage their traffic- and just as AT&T was looking into merging with T-Mobile. Yes, courtesy of a local D.C. business, this once innocent sugary concoction that you may remember from your childhood is now a lobbyist’s wet dream. Read more on The Confectionery Lobby: D.C.’s Cupcakes Have Gone Too Far…
  today we are all tourists

Near Total Destruction of Japan Will Not Mark the End of Cherry Blossoms

These little pink flower-y things that were a gift from good old Japan will soon be a bloomin’ all over the Tidal Basin. Yes, we are about to enter the dark and scary tourist-infested time that is Cherry Blossom Season—which, haha, this year perfectly coincides with the next Tea Party Protest. Soon there will be an epic battle of fanny pack wearing tourists on Segways versus adoring old Teabaggers on scooters, and the real losers will be the actual inhabitants of D.C. who will have to deal with this onslaught of out-of-towners. But, if there were ever a year to brave the annoying tourists and Tea Party Tards to see the pretty pink bloomage, we guess it would be this one, right? Do it for Japan! Read more on Near Total Destruction of Japan Will Not Mark the End of Cherry Blossoms…
  New Restaurants

And So Continues the Ironic Consumption of Pig

With all the economic unpleasantness and the wars and the fact that our quinoa habit is slowly starving South Americans, here’s something to take comfort in: a new spot for the disposing of income, Standard. It’s a food truck without wheels where you’re charged sales tax on your bill — this is also known as a restaurant. And yet it has everything this city loves: a New York equivalent, beer served by the liter, pork, and a large outdoor patio. Why else would Washingtonians be so eager to eat and drink at a restaurant that resembles a prison yard? Read more on And So Continues the Ironic Consumption of Pig…