Wonkette

Hey everyone, what are you having for dinner tonight? Ha ha, we already know the answer and it’s NOTHING, because there is no longer any food in the world. As you may have heard in the news, the world’s most powerful leaders are convening this week for their annual G8 summit, which is being held in Japan this year. Among the top items on this year’s Agenda is devising a plan to combat the global food shortage. And that is why the leaders and their spouses yesterday ate a fancy six-course lunch and 18-course dinner, the highlight of which had to be the chef’s vinegar jelly. How insensitive! Vinegar jelly is the most endangered of the world’s basic foodstuffs. [Daily Mail]

Here is your “Thursday Fun Link,” an article about the Doodys, a Family of Faggot Fans. Our favorite sentence: “The competition was organised by faggot producer Mr Brain’s Faggots.” [BBC]

With its elderly crazy people and crappy cafeterias, everything about the U.S. Senate says “rest home.” But America’s ancient legislators may soon get some better food, at least. Various old senators wandering around one night last week agreed by “voice vote” to privatize all the “food” service, ending what Sen. Diane Feinstein calls “noticeably subpar” cuisine that sends most staffers running to the privately operated House cafeterias at lunchtime. [Washington Post]

Having just discovered the pagan culinary invention called “cheese fries,” the intrepid New York Times has now determined that Democrats drink organic milk while Republicans dine on Frankencorn and bile. But none of this matters, because such frivolous polls and research cannot truly predict people’s voting habits! Nonetheless, let’s venture into America’s pantries and try to determine our political leanings by seeing what’s in the cookie jar. MORE »

In Pennsylvania, the savages eat very bizarre foods, and it is polite for the candidates to taste the native fare in order to appear “common.” One political reporter for the liberal New York Times cannot comprehend how anyone would eat these strange foods. For example: how do “cheese” and “fries” ever find themselves together? Haven’t these Pennsylvanians ever heard of a BALSAMIC REDUCTION? MORE »

Iowa commenter ChairCrusher breaks important news from the Barry Hussein Obama campaign:

And the caucus food? My Obama Precinct Captain is making giant batches of baklava, only he’s calling it … wait for it … “Baracklava.” It just doesn’t get any dorkier (or more delicious!) than that.

Catering at the Caucuses? [MyDD]

KING: One of my favorite foods is bagels and lox and cream cheese. They put out a whole assortment. I have no idea what this is, peas.
RAMSAY: They’re called capers.
KING: Capers, green stuff here.
RAMSAY: Chives. [Extreme Mortman]

President Bush may be one of the healthiest presidents ever, what with his getting 12 hours of sleep a night, biking a hundred miles a day, and forcing his wife to pretend she doesn’t smoke like Bill Hicks, but some Australians are criticizing his diet. That’s right, Australians — the nation that eats only grilled koala and eucalyptus leaves and drinks beer for breakfast and lunch. Apparently, Bush isn’t getting enough of two of those important food groups. MORE »

Good news, unpaid child slaves of The Hill: folks are lookin’ out for you! Specifically, dangerous hippie folks. First, we received an email from “Campus Progress” announcing their 2nd Annual Intern Free Food-a-Thon.

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* “It was worth the trip to “Delaware’s Largest Thrift Store” just for the perfectly broken-in brown leather shoulderbag I found for $3.99; the store is large and clean and what it lacks in shoes and jewelry (I recognized a few pairs from LAST summer, and the accessories section seems to have disappeared), it more than makes up for in tops, dresses, and nightgowns perfect for wearing in place of dresses.” [Brightest Young Things]
* Nobody really gives a fuck about the iPhone in Washington. [DCist]
* “The Rat Killing Hawk of Red Cross Square” strikes, raining rodent body parts throughout the streets. [Herb of DC]
* “Seared sea scallops, garlic mashed potatoes and chardonnay sauce at Corduroy (bonus with buffalo mozzarella porcupine appetizer).” [metrocurean]