Back in May or February or some other month, the world went nuts over a bunch of Mexicans giving everyone flu, from pigs, in an attempt to take over the world. But when Americans actually got this flu, they did not find it much worse than “regular American flu,” which only kills old people, gremlins, and dragons. This false alarm did not stop the government, a.k.a. “that Sebelius lady,” from launching a YouTube contest in JULY to “create a 15, 30, or 60 second video Public Service Announcement (PSA) that will inform and motivate people to take steps that will help prevent the spread of the flu.” That means any flu! The submission period ends tonight at midnight, and the winner will receive $2,500 while his or her winning video will “be featured on broadcast TV and on government Web sites.” Your Wonkette has viewed all 155 submissions (read: like six or seven), and… uh… you’re in a bit of a bind, Sebelius. MORE »

THAT’S ALL, FOLKS: It’s official: the pig AIDS is the first global flu epidemic in 41 years, according to the World Health Organization. Never forget. [AP]

When word of a surprise new Bob Dylan studio album reached your Wonkette on March 20, we wondered what sort of Actual Hell this record would release, as it is established fact in this first awful decade of the 21st Century that Bob Dylan only releases new studio albums to mark the arrival of another Horseman of the Apocalypse. We’ve been listening to the new record for two days now, and have reached various conclusions, most of which can be summed up like this: JESUS CHRIST THE WHOLE ENTIRE ALBUM IS MEXICAN MUSIC. MORE »

Do you know what’s worse than a LEVEL FOUR flu pandemic freakout? A LEVEL FIVE flu pandemic freakout — it is like four, but plus another, to equal five. Things can only get one more number worse than what will soon be announced, the Level 5 — and that, as you probably already suspect, is a Level SIX (6) pandemic freakout. Stocks ended sharply higher. [EuroNews]

* House narrowly approves ethics legislation that increases disclosure requirements for dealings with lobbyists; earmarks now must be publicly sponsored. Most Democrats and 20 Republicans vote nay and the new rules must be reconciled with Senate proposal. [WP, NYT, USAT, WSJ]
* Senators pile on earmarks to emergency spending bill in spite of renewed veto threat from Bush. [WP, NYT]
* Some lawmakers are rethinking their resistance to raising fuel economy standards. [WP]
* “Day of reckoning” for tax cuts will probably be January 1, 2011. [WP, WSJ]
* Administration releases plan for flu outbreak; funding is not established. [WP, NYT, USAT]
* Businessman pleads guilty to bribing Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.) with $400,000; Jefferson’s “legal problems are steadily mounting and have undercut his party’s efforts to portray the Republicans as the party of political corruption.” [WP, NYT]
* Callers to Medicare hotline are frequently provided wrong or incomplete information, independent study finds. [WP]
* Valerie Plame is shopping a book deal. [NYT]

• Democrats win concession on the investigation of pre-war intelligence by holding private Senate session; Republicans outraged by maneuver. Bill Frist: “This is an affront to me personally [and] an affront to the United States of America.” Harry Reid: “The American people had a victory today.” [WP, NYT, LAT, WT]
• White House hopes to avoid filibuster attempt by selling Alito to moderates; Karl Rove is “deeply involved” in the strategy. Arlen Specter: “I hope we do not come back to the terrible schism we had. That just about tore the Senate apart, and it has the potential to do it again, except that the stakes would be bigger. You are talking about the Supreme Court.” [WP, NYT, NYT, LAT, WT]
• Bush calls for $7b in emergency spending for avian flu preparedness: “[I]f we wait for a pandemic to appear, it will be too late to prepare, and one day many lives could be needlessly lost because we failed to act today.” [WP, NYT]
• Democrats want to use Alito’s conservative record “to drive a wedge between Republicans and swing voters who could be critical in next year’s midterm elections.” [WSJ]
• Samuel Alito’s “legal reasoning” implies his disapproval of Roe v. Wade; legal history shows “his thinking is shaped by a traditional concept of marriage.” [WP, NYT]
• Liberal colleagues of Alito say he is no ideologue. Said one attorney, “He didn’t decide cases based on ideology, and his record was not extremely conservative.” [LAT]
• Judge in the trial of Tom DeLay is removed from the case because of his donations to Democratic candidates and causes. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• DeLay is angering some Republicans by not relinquishing influential role. Said one congressman, “My issue is having an indicted former leader hanging around the leadership offices… Why does he want to stick around? He’s not helping us.” [WP]

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