florida
CNN’s spambots have been trolling our inbox since approximately forever with their creepy propaganda for this ludicrously billed “First Ever Tea Party Republican Debate” war film starring rusty news studio camera tripod Wolf Blitzer, an event which is neither the first “Tea Party debate” nor even the first Republican debate in the last week. We [...]
The military apparently taught Allen West conflict resolution real good, since his latest grasping ploy to end 9/11 amounts to telling Islam (which did 9/11) more loudly that Allen West does not care one bit for 9/11 (which did Islam). Here is Allen West talking at an event he hosted in Florida to promote an [...]
Shrill caustic harpie Michele Bachmann is so excited to destroy any rare ecosystem at all with her maniacal dream of drilling gaping holes into the country’s environmental preserves that she (predictably) forgot to check her Everglades National Park treasure map to see whether there was actually any oil buried under her latest senseless target to [...]
Here’s an important legal advisory for Florida residents the rest of us can laugh at: it is apparently unlawful in the state of Florida to shack up with a sexytime partner outside of wedlock, if you are straight. Homo sex does not count as real sex in Florida, so teh gayz are in the clear [...]
Erratic pill gobbler Michele Bachmann is so in touch with her God that she can figure out, like, super fast how to read God’s messages in everyday things: three red lights in a row means, “only two Diet Cokes before lunch;” getting exactly $4.56 in change at the Wal-Mart means “time to clear out Marcus’s [...]
Those crazy Florida welfare princes! Always lining up for their fat government checks with dirty syringes dangling from their shriveled purple arms, right? Haha, wrong! Florida governor Rick Scott’s incompetent proposal to save state money by requiring welfare recipients to pass a drug test has turned up a rousing 2% positive result among those tested, [...]
Perennially unpopular Florida governor Rick Scott’s doomed attempts at constituent relations mostly consist of harassing robocalls filled with Rick Scott’s whimpering voice being piped across Florida telephone lines into millions of unwilling eardrums like some incurable mutant Ebola virus of audio assault infecting everyone’s dinner time. WELL GUESS WHAT? Florida can play that game, too, Rick! [...]
Oh, Florida, it is America’s treasured swampland. It is a place ruled by those important “small town values” and giant biblical structures donated by local highway construction hot-shots. Or at least it was, until some Jesus-hatin’ foreigner came in and ruined everything, because that is how these stories go. Thank the Almighty for the USA [...]
Dinosaur Wars 2011 brings you this update from Gainesville, Florida, where creationist wingnuts are attacking the vehicles of University of Florida biology professors with religious pamphlets and rusty nails, because that’s how you formulate an argument if you’re an idiot. Or… we don’t know, maybe it’s secretly clever, because these individual specimens are among the [...]
Oh, don’t we just love to pick on hairless dingus Rick Scott, because he is officially America’s most disliked governor, his constituents are constantly suing him for passing laws no one likes, he’s kind of “eh” about keeping track of his filings to the Ethics Commission, and he’s using state money to sexually harass Florida [...]
OH THE WIMMINS, they are oft distasteful to the manhood of olde Allen West, when they doth speak in their loud voices. Offered prayer he has, mightily, that Females should find fit to lower their shrieks and guard silence! Yet the Females have not heeded his most Gentlemanly beseechments. Behold thy Congressfemale Debbie Wasserman Schulz, [...]
Along with the Fed, health care reform, taxes, the TSA, Mexicans and secular governance, everyone can now add  ”harmless, adorable manatees” to the list of things Tea Party Patriots would like to kill. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service proposed new rules to restrict motorized boating in a popular Florida wildlife refuge, because the boats [...]
Currently one of the most unpopular governors in the country, Florida Gov. Rick Scott is struggling to figure out how to convince Florida voters that he is not a total loser (which will fail, because he is). Here is Rick Scott’s super-sophisticated bazillion-dollar genius public relations attack plan: he will ask his few remaining supporters [...]
Human oddity Mitt Romney is one of the richest people in the world, with a fortune worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He is a businessman and investor and was born into a great deal of wealth that he has transformed into even more wealth, because the poor stay poor and the rich get rich. [...]
