Wonkette

Homosexual Florida Governor Charlie Crist is getting married, to a woman, so he can be a real, live National Politician. And over the weekend, he announced that he and his “bride” have set a date! It’s December 12, a full 38 days after the election. In other words, they don’t have to plan shit unless he somehow wins as John McCain’s vice president, in which case they’ll actually have to go through with the awful stunt. [Orlando Sentinel]

Hey so here is something funny: That Harry Sargeant fellow — the one who has been raising massive riches for John McCain from a variety of shady, penniless sources — was in the Delta Lambda chapter of the Pi Kappa Alpha frat at Florida State, where he was the “brother” of Charlie Crist and partook in the straightest activities ever. Would you like to see some old frat pictures of Charlie Crist playing football in what looks like a pair of long white panties? No? What about Charlie Crist in a magical crown and cape? Follow us on a wonderful journey into the land of gay rapist facial hair — in other words, Florida in the 70s. MORE »

Jesus! This is the most painful video we’ve ever seen. Anyway, remember to vote for John McCain for … uh, what, wait, uhm …. [Jed Report]

Orange-skinned Florida “bachelor 4 life” Charlie Crist is the latest in Florida’s long line of moderate Republican politicians who live swinging, middle-aged male lives without women. But he apparently really wants to lose with John McCain this fall, so he has announced the impending tinkle of little wedding bells! MORE »

So this guy in Orlando was driving, at night, when he suddenly noticed a gazillion cars all covered in goofy graffiti saying “Obama smokes crack.” But that’s only the beginning of the troubling evidence at the crime scene pointing to a NOBAMA PUMA Just Say No Deal Hillary Clinton 4 EVA Conspiracy. MORE »

The New York Times Magazine’s Deborah Solomon has a reputation for being very “forward” in her weekly interviews. Or sometimes it’s just very unprepared, like that time she asked Stephen Colbert about his dad, and Colbert said his dad died in a plane crash when he was 10, and Solomon responded, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Ha ha, weird! She is terribly awkward, which made this Sunday’s interview with Florida’s secretly gay Governor Charlie Crist such a profound occasion. MORE »

Gay Florida Gov. Charlie Crist has been actively opposed to drilling for oil off of Florida’s coast his entire political career. Many Florida politicians oppose it, in fact! Short version: it ruins the environment which would ruin tourism. Long version: “It would harm beaches vital to the state’s tourism economy and interfere with weapons testing and training in and over the Gulf of Mexico by Florida military bases.” So basically Charlie Crist has always opposed offshore oil drilling due to some postmodern, “green” interpretation of the military-industrial complex. But now that John McCain wants to lift the ban on offshore drilling, the veep-hunting Crist has suddenly decided that WE MUST ABSOLUTELY DRILL OFFSHORE, because of poor people and “states’ rights.” Seven whore diamonds. [AP]

Huzzah, here are some new fake polling results from Quinnipiac today: Obama 47, McCain 43 in Florida; Obama 48, McCain 42 in Ohio; Obama 52, McCain 40 in Pennsylvania. Now Obama will be president for life and McCain will be banished to Mongolia to start a new life as “Maverick of the Yaks.” [The Page]

For those of you who are rich and elitist and can afford HBO, you may have seen the much-hyped film Recount over Memorial Day weekend, which chronicled Al Gore’s efforts to hijack the country during the 2000 election in disenfranchised Florida. The movie was terrible and hilarious, although Laura Dern’s portrayal of then-Florida Secretary of State Katherine “Kitty” Harris deserves at least 19 Oscars and maybe even a Golden Globe. Anyway, Kitty went on Fox News last night to complain about the writers of the film “making up dialogue,” a serious cinematic violation of ethics. Kitty’s attorney appeared by her side on the show to make sure she didn’t screw up, such is her wont. [YouTube, St. Petersburg Times]

• “The Democrats are throwing the election away. And for what? An inadequate black male?”

  [Firedoglake]

• American Hero Lanny Davis runs around the Marriott shouting and cursing at people to listen to his crap, only to be mocked. You must read this 80 times. [Huffington Post]
• Larry Sinclair shows up, carrying a box of “Obama’s DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS: Murder, Drugs, Gay Sex” fliers. [TNR, YouTube]

More nutjob protesters, after the jump. MORE »

“WASHINGTON (AP) - Democratic party officials said a committee agreed Saturday on a compromise to seat Michigan and Florida delegates with half-votes after Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton failed to get enough support to force their positions through.”

Fair, great, it’s over, HOORAY! But… MORE »

Here’s a picture from our Wonkette “Saturday” operative. It is the worst car in the world, and America should be ashamed of it. It’s “rallying” around the DNC Rules and Bylaws Committee at some Marriott in northwest Washington D.C., along with various comical Hilltards and tragically counter-protesting Obamatards. Somehow the only result of the meeting will be the War in Iran. But are they making any progress? Perchance! MORE »

Wonkette Operative “Cheryl” sends us this amazing report about one teen’s secret to awesome spelling. [Orlando Sentinel]