floods

BUT WE HOPE THAT VINEYARD VINES BUM CAN FLOAT. HE CAN RIGHT? 1:34 pm April 18, 2011

Benevolent God Floods Georgetown

Storms this weekend raged through the mid-Atlantic, and the Act of God (like another Act of God, the U.S. Constitution) left dozens dead. Still, there was a reason the Lord did this: to rid the world of Georgetown once and for all. Laura Keivel, who passed along the images from the Harbour this morning, tells [...]

IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA 8:48 am September 27, 2010

Celebrate Fifty Years of Horrible Teevee Politics

by Riley Waggaman

Fifty years ago yesterday, Americans gathered around the boob tube to watch John Kennedy debate Richard Nixon. Richard Nixon was sweaty and forgot to powder his nose, so he lost for being so ugly — if he was handsome he probably would have won, which he eventually did, in 1968, “when it mattered.” Point is: [...]

THIS GUY 1:37 pm September 25, 2009

by Jim Newell

JOE BIDEN WILL THROW DOWN ANYWHERE, ANYTIME: So Barack Obama wanted to get rid of Joe Biden for the day and settled on sending him to Georgia, to say “hi” to the flood victims down there. Immediately after arriving, Joe Biden addressed the local disaster relief officials and proclaimed, “They’re all doing one heck of [...]

OLD COOTS 5:03 pm July 7, 2008

Violent Old FEMA Coot Wants To Be Famous!

by Jim Newell

Readers may remember the sad tale of Vincent Koley, the 74-year-old FEMA contractor who, while on a relief dispatch to flooded Iowa, hit some guy with his car and then beat him up with a golf club, all the while claiming that he could do as he pleased because he was “with FEMA.” Koley has [...]

TERRORISTS 12:16 pm June 27, 2008

Why Do Muskrats Hate America?

by Sara K. Smith

Wonkette Semi-Aquatic Rodent Operative “Claiborne” asks this very important question, and the answer is: because they are terrorists. New evidence reveals that violent extremist muskrats perpetrated today’s breach of the levees north of St. Louis. Shocking video footage of these terrorists plotting their takeover of Missouri, after the jump.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE WASPS 1:22 pm June 19, 2008

Bush And McCain Look At Floods In Iowa, While Actively Avoiding Each Other

by Jim Newell

Like a full goddamn week after Jesus flooded the entirety of Iowa, President George W. Bush will travel to our heartland to view the devastation today, and he will patriotically not play golf. But there’s a problem for the Republicans here: John McCain will also be looking at floods in Iowa today. Shit! You see, [...]

WEATHER 11:15 am February 20, 2007