Barack Obama is in a pickle! Much like his best friend, Hillary Clinton, Obama has found himself supporting multiple baseball teams that he doesn’t like at all in order to win evil blood money “swing state” votes. He claims he is first a “White Sox” fan, which was clearly a pander to all white people who despise him, and he played it from the bottom of the deck. But after the White Sox were no longer in contention for the Baseball Championship, he told Pennsylvania voters that he wanted the loser Philadelphia Phillies to win everything. And today he muslimly told Florida voters that he wanted the Tampa Bay “Rays” to win everything. This pirouetting, like most bad things in life, can all be blamed on the Boston Red Sox. MORE »

At about the 7-minute mark in this clip from yesterday’s Meet the Press, Joe Lieberman nervously clears his throat and giggles that John McCain has not had any sexual reassignment surgery (that we know of!) and he “remains all male. There’s no question about that.” However, it is a known fact that 98 percent of Republican male candidates have their human testicles removed and replaced with TRUCK NUTZ. What is John McCain hiding? [Meet the Press/YouTube]

Oh good God what is going on today? Pretty much every publication in the country has a big article about how John McCain — the guy who just attacked Barack Obama for being all style and no substance — knows literally nothing about anything, and just blurts out a random arrangement of words whenever he’s asked about foreign or domestic policy. As a consequence, he comes off sounding underinformed and not terribly interested in the details of governance, not to mention possibly senile and a little bit retarded. MORE »

After weeks of extensive research, we have at last determined why Alan Keyes won the Constitution Party Straw Poll: because he is a member of this party! That’s right, he is no longer a Republican. How long ago did he change parties? Probably about a million years ago, but nobody noticed because this is the story of Alan Keyes’ life. He does something vaguely interesting or newsworthy, and several years or months later somebody says “Huh,” and goes back to what they were doing. [Conservative Pulse]

Anybody who has ever heard the name “Sophia Petrillo” knows that certain old people don’t mince words. They enjoy shocking the younger set with their “straight talk.” And that is precisely what John McCain did yesterday when he revealed his not-so-secret political philosophy! MORE »