As television taught us in the 1970s, God gave America two icons that we are to honor and protect at all costs: the U.S. flag and Woodsy Owl.

But as the Iraq War teaches us even today, sometimes you have to kill something and incinerate the corpse to make it truly “alive.”

Luckily, the U.S. Forest Service has provided incredibly detailed instructions for the Washington-approved procedure for Woodsy Owl burning, and it’s after the jump.

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As July drags on and on and on, it’s important not to get dispirited at the endless boring humid idiocy of a Washington summer. No, better to have your demoralizing happen at the hands of Today’s Cartoons, a never-ending source of thrills and chills for resident cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon.

This week on an action-packed Cartoon Violence: The shaming of Kim Jong Il, old people, cartoon characters, white people, and Lady Liberty. Share the embarrassment, after the jump.

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Today’s Cartoons aren’t gonna mercilessly mock themselves. No, that’s why every Friday we invite respected cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon over for a barbecue — well, to make fun of cartoons and to burn flags. Just because we can.

In this very special patriotism-choked edition of Cartoon Violence, we celebrate our nation’s independence by mocking its weight and its iconic historical, mythic, and pop cultural figures. Fun in the sun, after the jump.

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* The Supreme Court bench-slapped the White House in the Gitmo military tribunal case. Tony Snow is unfazed: “Oh, those wacky Supreme Court justices, who knows what those guys mean!” MORE »

* Bush twins unemployment index goes to zero at the same time the Bush twins in DC index goes to zero. Saddest possible trombone plays a solo for every bar owner in Georgetown. [Fresh Politics] MORE »

* Soledad O’Brien: Wednesday’s “Hump Day Hussy.” [Evil Discussor] MORE »

ONE TOO FEW SENATORS LOVES AMERICA, BABIES, APPLE PIE

AMERICAN FLAG DOOMED… UN FORCES TO ROUND UP ALL FLAGS BY JULY 4, SET THEM ON FIRE… JANE FONDA AND BARBARA STREISAND GET GAY MARRIED IN FLAMING STARS ‘N’ STRIPES-THEMED CEREMONY… KOS TO BLAME… DEVELOPING… MORE »

* More discussion of “Rush Limbaugh’s penis” and the Dominican hookers he’s been sticking it in. [The Republic of T] MORE »

* Don’t fret, we wouldn’t let an idle summer week pass without a shallow poll. Thus, we proudly present: The Hill Intern Hotties competition. Since everyone already knows how this works, we’ll just let you speed along - boys’ poll here and girls’ poll here. In case you’re one of those “readers,” we’ve also got written testimonials for all the pretty girls and all the strong men. MORE »

* The first rule of HuffPo is — you do not talk about HuffPo. [The Guardian] MORE »

[10:05] AnonymousHillStaffer: USA USA USA
[10:05] wonkette: YES
[10:06] wonkette: FUCK GHANA
[10:06] AnonymousHillStaffer: haha they just showed people in times square watching on the big screen
[10:06] AnonymousHillStaffer: there were like 20 people watching
[10:06] wonkette: ha
[10:06] AnonymousHillStaffer: because NOBODY CARES
[10:07] AnonymousHillStaffer: im watching on univision though so it seems a lot more important
[10:07] wonkette: of course
[10:07] wonkette: i wish i got the Ghanian networks
[10:08] wonkette: they’ll be burnin’ some flags tonight
[10:08] AnonymousHillStaffer: the coverage would be things like “death to america”
[10:08] AnonymousHillStaffer: or “courageous ghanans bring death to america–in soccer”
[10:08] AnonymousHillStaffer: haha
[10:08] AnonymousHillStaffer: i love when other countries burn our flags MORE »