Statistics freak Nate Silver was supposed to go away after the election, which he rigged with algebra or something in order to create the first black president, which is the ultimate political statistic, for masturbating. Now the fivethirtyeight.com sensation has a column in the gay fashion glossy, Esquire. It’s kind of interesting! Basically, Nate has figured out — using his patented number voodoo — that the worst people in America are literally disappearing, leaving a nation of sexy multi-racial city slickers who drive hybrids and do anal on first dates. MORE »

Hey look who was on The Colbert Report last night — everybody’s new secret boyfriend, the esteemed baseball stats dork Nate Silver! He calls John McCain the Seattle Pilots, which is apparently funny? The point is, if this guy does not have a book deal and a standing job offer from Barack Obama by November 5, we will eat our hats. [Colbertnation]