Wonkette

While Patrick Fitzgerald’s investigation might still be considered ongoing, there’s no denying that the most ardent celebrants of Fitzmas may be thus far disappointed. Indictments against Scooter Libby certainly make for a fun stocking stuffer, but those who had hoped for a rich Rovian roast beast to carve have thus far been rebuffed by Fitzgerald’s standard-issue cautions, the prosecutorial equivalent of “You’ll shoot your eye out.” MORE »

When we heard the bold pronouncement, that our iron-jawed angel Patrick Fitzgerald was “expected to ask a grand jury-possibly as soon as next week–the to indict [Karl] Rove for making false statements to the FBI and Justice Department investigators in October 2003,” we thought to ourselves, “Yes! There is a Santa Claus!” Because all we want for Christmas is another long and tortured sports metaphor. Brew up some cocoa! Break out that book of Fitzmas carols! Throw some lights on the aspens! Hey, where did you hear the news? MORE »

The idea came to us last week, when paralysis set in at the thought of writing another item about Judy Fucking Miller. There are some people, some ideas, some words that we’ve just had enough of. Already know just about everything one would want or care to know about Patrick Fitzgerald, for instance. And, fuck: Will we ever get out of the “Situation Room”? MORE »

• Trent Lott: “Bloggers claim I was their first pelt, and I believe that. I’ll never read a blog.” Awww, Trent! Don’t be that way! I bet Denny Hastert’ll give you shout out! Though it’ll look more like an inward mumble. [CSM, via Yahoo]
• Remember: the Twelve Days of Fitzmas continue until Efitzany (or until somebody has one). [Grammar.Police]
• And if you make your own mess, don’t blab to the press! [Thrown For A Loop]
• Guess who else was in court today? [WTOP, via Rock Creek Rambler]
• This year, Halloween in Virginia to less challenging, terrifying [NBC News]

Let’s use these last few minutes of tea-leaf reading carefully. First, McClellan has told the press corps in the most recent WH pool report that there will “not be an announcement today regarding judicial nominees.” Also, the WH will NOT have anything to say about the Fitzgerald investigation until after the announcement of the findings. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

We think it means that the White House has realized even Americans are too smart to think a SCOTUS announcement today would be just a coincidence. It also means that they’re more time to campaign for Butterstick. As for Rove: Gonna be more stressful winter than you thought. Maybe you can borrow some of Cheney’s heart medicine.

Report after the jump

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With reports saying that Fitzmas will fall at 4PM NOON GODDAMNIT NOON (wow) today, time is growing short for Indictment Bingo players. Of course, Fitzmas may come twice this year: If another round of indictments follow a second grad jury, we’ll be sure to play again. For now, remember the rules: Send a list of those you believe will be indicted by this grand jury and what they will be indicted for to . Please put “Indictment Bingo” in the subject line. Authors of the three entries closest to the actual indictment list will win fabulous prizes, including an “Animal House” DVD and breakfast for two at the St. Regis. We will accept entries up until the official announcement, but in case of a tie, the earlier submission wins. Thought, really, when the government lies to you, everyone loses. MORE »

NBC (and apparently BBC) are reporting that Karl Rove has been told/has told friends/someone mentioned it over coffee that he’s not being indicted today. MORE »