Tag: fiscal cliff

Mitch McConnell Is Ready For ‘Us’ To Get Along And Stop Acting Like A Bunch Of Mitch McConnells

Over the last eight years, our country has experienced a legislative hissy-fit like no other. Government shutdowns, solemn vows to make sure President Obama can't get anything done, no matter what it is, refusals to give hearings to Supreme...

Misty Watercolored Memories Of Eric Cantor: A Children’s Treasury

We couldn't possibly hope to fit all of our Precious Memories of Eric Cantor into a single column, so let's just hit some highlights of a departing weaselface. (You might be surprised at the number of hits you get...

Texas Senator John Cornyn: We Must Burn The Government To Save It

Sometimes you have to burn the village to save it, every soldier knows that, which means it also totally makes sense that you have to shut down the government and then completely deprive it of revenue to fix it....

Why Are We Impeaching President Obama Today?

Hullo Weekly Standard! Why are we INPEACHing the president today? President Barack Obama's staff used an autopen (a machine that mimics one's signature) to sign the "fiscal cliff" legislation that Congress passed on New Year's Day. There was no...

Reports: Congress Expected To Continue Acting Insane

Good morning! It seems appropriate to complement all of this "fiscal cliff averted!" news with a polite reminder that this deal in no way means Congress will stop acting like scotch-drunk shitbirds with a hostage and nothing to lose....

You Guys, John Boehner Said A Swear!

Remember just before Christmas, when we told you how everybody was dumping on poor John Boehner, for the minor crime of being a total mess? Turns out all this fiscal cliff hullaballoo may have taken a toll on Old...

Joe Biden: Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster

What's Joey B. been talkin' since singlehandedly saving the country or something (we don't know, the Kossacks seem pretty ready to murder)? Here is Joe Biden over the past 16 or so hours: What'd you tell the Senate Dems?...

Your Wayback Time Machine To Last August’s House Vote On The Fiscal Cliff

Perhaps you have just watched John Boehner manage to stop himself from weeping through his press conference outlining where we go now, after yesterday's ceremonial Shitting of the Bed. And you noticed (after of course noticing the ease with...

Your Big Fat Wonkette Guide To The ‘Plan B’ Fiscal Cliff Nonsense Tornado

What the hell happened last night, and why does everybody think John Boehner is a big toolbox? Ok. Deep breaths. We will work our way through this together. The problem is the "fiscal cliff," which is a thing invented by Congress...

Very Smart Republicans: A Deal Between White House And House Might Need Democratic Votes To Pass

Do you know who is very smart? Tea Party congresspeople. Here are some of them moving their lips, with syllables and words coming out to form sentences, about the "fiscal cliff" or whatever, who cares, boring: “If he ...

Lindsey Graham: Macho Man of the Senate

When you think big, tough, macho senators, isn't Lindsey Graham really the first one that comes to mind? We've had many occasions to cover his manliness. Hell, we even did a children's treasury of Lindsey's butchest moments. That's why...

John Boehner Outraged That Obama Is Acting Like He Won An Election

Look at President Obama, prancing around, putting forth “unserious” proposals to keep us from falling off the so-called “fiscal cliff.” What—did he win an election or something? Because that’s what he’s acting like, and John Boehner wants him to...

Courageous Nakeds Swarm Boehner

You know, there's really nothing better than getting naked with your friends, amirite? Hanging out, feeling free, lighting some candles, putting on some Sarah McLachlan, applying body paint and glitter to each other, heading over to John Boehner's place...OK....

Great GOP Hope Marco Rubio: Let’s Just Go Ahead and Let Rich People Do Whatever

Marco Rubio, who we have been told is the New Face of the Republican party, has a brilliant take on solving the so-called fiscal cliff: let's just go ahead and let rich people do whatever they want because they'll...

Washington Post: Work Till You Are Dead Or Iran Will Kill You Anyway

Listen you guys. We know that you were looking forward to retiring at 67, but we just can't have that because if we do, Iran will get a nuclear weapon and blow us up. This is the ACTUAL ARGUMENT...