Tag: first lady

Melania Trump Not Having Any Of Her Dumb Husband’s Shit

We wish we could all keep our distance from Trump as well as his wife does.

Minnesota Hero Seeks To Use Drones To Deliver Beer; We’ll Take One Million, Please

Beer. As the great philosopher said, it is the cause of and solution to all life’s problems. And one brave man was trying to make it easier for people to cause and/or solve problems, by using good ol’ American...

Rick Perry’s Wife Says Thing About Abortion, Is Immediately Corrected By Loving, All-Knowing Husband

This weekend, when some guy named Evan from the Texas Tribune asked what Anita Perry -- missis to Rick -- thought about all the abortifying going on down in Texas that her husband is so obsessed with getting rid...

Even the Ads Are Racist On World Net Daily

ATTENTION CHERISHED CORPORATE SPONSORS: The above disgusting manipulation of First Lady Michelle Obama is disgusting, and we endorse its use for two purposes only: Art, and to show everybody what despicable bilge passes for appropriate advertising at WorldNetDaily, a...

Michelle Obama Invites Awesome Haitian Lady To SOTU FLOTUS Box

Your FLOTUS correspondent can smell an ABC Family original movie a mile away, and this one smells like some combination of Ruby Bridges, that documentary about the choir for elderly people, and scallions. It is the story of...

Second Term Michelle Obama Will Win Grammy, Keep Stealing Your Favorite Snacks

Good day to you, FLOTUS fans! How have you been lately? Have you been obeying your morning arm-workout regimen or have you been binge eating in your bathroom? Michelle is always watching, you know! Your FLOTUS correspondent has been...

Michelle Obama Does Topless Magazine Cover For Filthy Europeans

Here is the great news for those of us who have longed for some FLOTUS in our lives these past few days: Michelle Obama is involved in another scandal again, and surprise surprise, it involves Spain and France and...

Michelle Obama Threatened By Cops, People Who Hate Spider-Man Musicals

One would think that the words following "Michelle Obama threatened by..." would be something along the lines of "Slurpee Machine Technicians" or "Vengeful Hoveround Gang." Actually, though, the threats made against the First Lady's life in recent days...

Michelle Obama Jumps Rope To Amusement of Obese Kelly Ripa Fans

Why hello, FLOTUS fans. Have you been wondering what your First Lady Michelle Antoinette Obama has been up to the past few weeks? Anything particularly scandalous aside from hanging out on Pinterest looking at pictures of smoothies and going...

Michelle Obama Spends More Time on Television Than Actual Actors, According to Vague Statement

We have been following Michelle Obama's television escapades - most recently, an appearance on The Biggest Loser and Colbert - and we are not the only ones. Fox News would like you to know that Michelle Obama is now...

FLOTUS Visits Late Show, Things Get Real

Our beloved FLOTUS has been the subject of some "trouble" lately, but of course, that is one of the things we like about her. We also adore her style, charm, and biceps. That Michelle Obama charm was on...

Michelle Obama Takes Millionth Vacation For Fake Holiday

Here we are again, trying to keep the rats from eating the last of our Ramen noodles while our FLOTUS wines and dines (in reasonable portions, of course) across the country. This past weekend, Michelle Obama took the First...

Michelle Obama Punished With NASCAR Race In Everglades

Our Michelle Obama just likes to surprise us every day, mostly with bad news about how we're all killing ourselves, eating things that are probably not classified as "food" by any branch of science. But she also likes to...

Michelle Obama Tricks Obese Into Boycotting The Olive Garden

Who is the latest casualty in Michelle Obama's war against calories and fun? Prepare yourselves, because this one is a huge blow to this country's Proud Obese and their important culture and lifestyle: the Darden Restaurant Corporation is what...

Michelle Obama Suddenly a Feminist, Hosts Abortion-Themed Luncheon

Over the past few weeks it has become increasingly clear that Michelle Obama will be forever remembered as the "First Lady of Stealing Everybody's Money to Go on Vacation, Constantly and Without Remorse." This will not change, no matter...