first ladies
Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan
Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere: Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight [...]
The Inevitable ‘Who Wore It Best?’ Michelle Obama vs. Ann Romney Smackdown
Before going into too much detail, the answer is Michelle Obama. Always. Unless of course the question is, “Who ate the rest of my french fries?” (The answer to that question used to be The Snowbilly, but now who knows?!) If you watched last night’s debate long enough to see the spouses emerge from the [...]
FLOTUS Dangerously Suggests Possible Woman President in 100 Years
Our dear First Lady Michelle Obama was out gardening yesterday, because what else is new? Normally, our FLOTUS just hangs out in her vegetable garden, looking pretty and planting things basically to stick it to a nation that has resorted to fashioning tex-mex laxative alternatives out of Doritos. She is always pushing that envelope, our [...]
Young Turks Kick Callista Gingrich When She’s Down (VIDEO)
Everyone hates Moon Empress and Lizardoid “V” Queen Callista Gingrich, this is not “news.” But why? Wonkette’s own Jim Newell explained she has never done anything to anyone (we guess Jim forgot about Newt’s second wife) and is not even running for anything so what who cayuhs. Well, Cenk [Last Name] of The Young Turks [...]
British Cable News Guy Has To Explain Simple Joke To Newt Gingrich
HRH Sir Piers Morgan of the Shire had amoral chocolate-sucking anus Newt Gingrich on his television show last night to discuss, among other things, Robert De Niro’s very controversial joke from an Obama fundraiser the other night: “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white [...]
Voters Simply Don’t Care For Callista Gingrich, Who Is Not Running For Anything
Why do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They just sort of stand there, on the trail, smiling, and then if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children. In other words, they poll candidates’ spouses because they’re extremely important figures who could end up [...]
FLOTUS Less Popular Among White Ladies With Poor Self-Esteem
Women in this country are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, with scaly old men going out of their way and then some to make sure there is absolutely nothing left in place to prevent their personal “30 Kids and Counting” fantasies from coming true. They are still working on the part where [...]
Betty Ford, America’s Rehab Queen, Dies At 93 Years Young
Pretty much everybody loved Betty Ford, who was the nice first lady between Nixon and Carter. She has gone to Heaven now, with Gerald Ford, who died at some point in the recent past.
Palin & Bachmann Have Opinions (!) About Breastfeeding Tax Breaks
Michelle Obama is (still) really grossed out by all the fat people in this country, and she will do anything to make them go away. She will build salad bars in every school cafeteria and throw all the chocolate-chip muffins in the toilet, as your children watch in horror. She will be the new greeter [...]
Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni Eat Lunch at the Cool Table
Our FLOTUS has a new right-hand lady! Her name is Tina Tchen, and she is some sort of robot creature who has a giant clock trapped inside of her that prevents her from sleeping. She runs on energy obtained from the extracted body fat of obese children. She is also from Chicago, because that is [...]
Nancy Reagan To Visit White House!
Couch-bound American sweatpants-wearers love to smell their own farts and follow the fashion adventures of their First Lady, which is why they love Nancy Reagan and Michelle Obama equally. Laura Bush? Whatever, she just walked around in stiff light-blue suits all the time so PASS. Anyway, First Lady lovers (like Mr. T, left) will be [...]
Michelle Obama Just Hillary Clinton Minus Pantsuit
Ohhhh the nerve. The new First Lady, having spent two years giving lengthy policy speeches on the campaign trail in support of her husband, is apparently now giving lengthy policy speeches again. This is highly inappropriate behavior for a lawyer and former executive who now finds herself jobless due to her husband running America.
Lucky ‘American Wife’ Contest Winners Announced
With over 130 submissions to the highly exclusive and prestigious “Tell us which first lady you like, as long as it wasn’t trampy Mrs. Fillmore” contest and only 10 copies of Curtis Sittenfeld’s American Wife to give, your chances of winning this thing were roughly equivalent to your chances of getting into Harvard last year. [...]
Hey Rascals, Time Is Running Out On Your Chance To Win An ‘American Wife’
In a mere twelve-ish hours or so, Wonkette’s one-time-only “name your favorite First Lady” contest will close. So check out the Official Rules here and send in your wonderful 25-word Idears (that is what famous First Lady Howard Dean calls them) to tips@wonkette.com by noon tomorrow with the subject line MY FAVORITE FIRST LADY IS [...]
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