first ladies

Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere: Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight […]

So write a thing about Eleanor Roosevelt, Editrix said, on account of how it is her birthday. We don’t really know anything about Eleanor Roosevelt, we said, except that she is cool. Write it anyway, said Editrix. Which is how we ended up at the world’s greatest website, the National First Ladies Library. You guys, […]

Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere: Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight […]

Before going into too much detail, the answer is Michelle Obama. Always. Unless of course the question is, “Who ate the rest of my french fries?” (The answer to that question used to be The Snowbilly, but now who knows?!) If you watched last night’s debate long enough to see the spouses emerge from the […]

Our dear First Lady Michelle Obama was out gardening yesterday, because what else is new? Normally, our FLOTUS just hangs out in her vegetable garden, looking pretty and planting things basically to stick it to a nation that has resorted to fashioning tex-mex laxative alternatives out of Doritos. She is always pushing that envelope, our […]

Everyone hates Moon Empress and Lizardoid “V” Queen Callista Gingrich, this is not “news.” But why? Wonkette’s own Jim Newell explained she has never done anything to anyone (we guess Jim forgot about Newt’s second wife) and is not even running for anything so what who cayuhs. Well, Cenk [Last Name] of The Young Turks […]

HRH Sir Piers Morgan of the Shire had amoral chocolate-sucking anus Newt Gingrich on his television show last night to discuss, among other things, Robert De Niro’s very controversial joke from an Obama fundraiser the other night: “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white […]

Why do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They just sort of stand there, on the trail, smiling, and then if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children. In other words, they poll candidates’ spouses because they’re extremely important figures who could end up […]

The students at Southern Methodist University must have played a uniquely terrible prank on some crusty old dean, to be punished with an on-campus “daylong conference on the influence of the nation’s first ladies.” Only in Texas could this be considered not “cruel and unusual.” So let this be a liberal snob indoctrination to you, […]

Women in this country are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, with scaly old men going out of their way and then some to make sure there is absolutely nothing left in place to prevent their personal “30 Kids and Counting” fantasies from coming true. They are still working on the part where […]

Pretty much everybody loved Betty Ford, who was the nice first lady between Nixon and Carter. She has gone to Heaven now, with Gerald Ford, who died at some point in the recent past.

Michelle Obama is (still) really grossed out by all the fat people in this country, and she will do anything to make them go away. She will build salad bars in every school cafeteria and throw all the chocolate-chip muffins in the toilet, as your children watch in horror. She will be the new greeter […]

Our FLOTUS has a new right-hand lady! Her name is Tina Tchen, and she is some sort of robot creature who has a giant clock trapped inside of her that prevents her from sleeping. She runs on energy obtained from the extracted body fat of obese children. She is also from Chicago, because that is […]

Couch-bound American sweatpants-wearers love to smell their own farts and follow the fashion adventures of their First Lady, which is why they love Nancy Reagan and Michelle Obama equally. Laura Bush? Whatever, she just walked around in stiff light-blue suits all the time so PASS. Anyway, First Lady lovers (like Mr. T, left) will be […]

Ohhhh the nerve. The new First Lady, having spent two years giving lengthy policy speeches on the campaign trail in support of her husband, is apparently now giving lengthy policy speeches again. This is highly inappropriate behavior for a lawyer and former executive who now finds herself jobless due to her husband running America.