Tag Archives: first amendment

  So That's What's The Matter With Kansas

Kansas School Murders Jesus In Front Of The Children

It may not have this been this exact painting.
It may not have this been this exact painting. A Kansas middle school has removed a painting of Jesus from a hallway where it had hung for several decades, throwing the entire town into a tizzy that may, if it does not abate soon, blossom into a full-on kerfuffle. The painting, at Royster Middle School in Chanute, was removed after the school district received a complaint from the Freedom From Religion Foundation; the district’s lawyer, who apparently knows a thing or two about law, advised Superintendent Richard Proffitt that the painting was in violation of the First Amendment’s establishment clause. Smart lawyer! That definitely beats going to the local priest for your advice on public religious displays. Read more on Kansas School Murders Jesus In Front Of The Children…
  noblesse oblige

George Zimmerman Made New Finger Painting For Racist, Gun-Fondling BFF

Aren't those amendments part of the AMERICAN constitution?
Aren’t those amendments part of the AMERICAN constitution? Florida Man George Zimmerman, the guy who killed Trayvon Martin that one time, is somehow not currently in prison, which just proves you cannot cage artistic genius. Instead, he is doing art again, which is good and healthy and nice, because it’s real hard to aim and shoot at teenagers when your hands are all messy with finger paint: Read more on George Zimmerman Made New Finger Painting For Racist, Gun-Fondling BFF…
  Go Ahead And Film A Cow Man

Horrible Bad Factory Farmers Can’t Put You In Jail For Exposing Them No More!

Trust us, you'd rather see these cows than the real ones
For all of the whining about Free Speech being destroyed by TV networks that fire bigots or by mean blog moderators who don’t let jerk-babies ruin their comments sections, sometimes governments pass terrible laws that are actual violations of the real First Amendment. So wave your ACLU Pocket Constitution in the air, folks — we’re happy to report that Idaho’s incredibly dumb “Ag Gag” law was found unconstitutional by a federal court Monday. Read more on Horrible Bad Factory Farmers Can’t Put You In Jail For Exposing Them No More!…
  Today In Theocracy

Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution

Like Gamera, Baphomet is the friend of children everywhere
The merry Establishment Clause tricksters of the Satanic Temple held a big unveiling of their 1-ton statue of Baphomet over the weekend. Because they’re still waiting on a permit to place it next to the Ten Commandments monument at Oklahoma’s Capitol building — a monument that may be coming down anyway — the unveiling was held at the Satanic Temple’s chapter in Detroit. Not surprisingly, American Family Association radio guy Bryan Fischer is plenty angry about it, and would like you all to know that if we followed the REAL Constitution of the United States, none of this would be allowed, because the Founders only meant the First Amendment to apply to Christians. Read more on Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution…
  You've Got To Be Carefully Taught Nothing

Florida Wingnuts Not About To Stand For Kiddie Books About ‘Nice Muslims,’ Hell No

Well that DOES look like indoctrination
A group of Very Concerned Parents are petitioning the Duval County Public School District in Florida to remove two books from the third-grade reading list because they’re simply too Muslimy for use in a public school. The books, Nasreen’s Secret School and The Librarian of Basra, are both by Jeanette Winter, and are based on true stories from Afghanistan and Iraq, respectively. And while both books are about the value of literacy and the love of reading, some parents want them gone from the reading list and the library, thanks to an online campaign describing the books as Islamic propaganda and potentially too mature for young readers. Yeesh. And Banned Books Week isn’t even until late September. Read more on Florida Wingnuts Not About To Stand For Kiddie Books About ‘Nice Muslims,’ Hell No…
  Monumental Failin'

Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin To State Supreme Court: You Are Not The Boss Of Her!

The monument is 6 feet high, so that man and buggy must be HUGE
In what has to be a huge surprise to some single-celled organisms who didn’t know any better, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin has decided to ignore last week’s order by the state Supreme Court to remove the giant Ten Commandments monument from the grounds of the Statehouse, because God’s Word, but mostly because it’s not a religious thing at all — it’s just a historical marker, really! In a statement, Fallin said, Read more on Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin To State Supreme Court: You Are Not The Boss Of Her!…
  God Hates Flags

Mean U.S. Constitution Bullies Alabama Town Into Removing Christian Flag From City Hall

Say. No. More.
The rampant march of militant atheism continued this week, just destroying families and making Baby Jebus cry again, as the demon-spawned hordes of the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) forced Glencoe, Alabama (pop. 5160), to take down its “Christian Flag” from out front of the town’s police station and city hall. Maybe they can make up for it by starting every public meeting with a prayer or something, just to make sure Alabama doesn’t suddenly go all secularist. Read more on Mean U.S. Constitution Bullies Alabama Town Into Removing Christian Flag From City Hall…
  Justice Of Miscarriage

Miscarrying Lady Almost Dies At Catholic Hospital, But At Least She Didn’t Get An Abortion

How cool is Steve Brodner? Cool enough that he gave us permission to use this within five minutes of asking!
Oh, Wonketteers, you’re going to want to remove any heavy objects from the vicinity of your computer before you read this one, lest you hurl anything through your monitor (mobile users are advised to tie down their throwing arms). Tuesday, a federal district judge in Michigan dismissed a woman’s lawsuit against the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and three chairs or former chairs of the Catholic hospital chain that owns Mercy Health Partners’ hospital in Muskegon, Michigan. In 2010, Tamesha Means was only 18 weeks pregnant when her water broke and she went to Mercy — one of only two hospitals in Muskegon County, which are both owned by the same Catholic company, Trinity Health. We’ll let the ACLU tell you how that went: Read more on Miscarrying Lady Almost Dies At Catholic Hospital, But At Least She Didn’t Get An Abortion…
  Will The Thing On His Head Testify?

Donald Trump Knows First Amendment Just As Good As He Knows Mexicans

Also Free Speach!
Humungous bag of weasel smegma Donald Trump is suing Univision for $500 million because it canceled its coverage of the Miss Universe pageant after his really smart (and totally accurate, he says) analysis of Mexicans, who are “bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists.” Some, he figures, are “good people,” so he doesn’t even see why everyone’s having a hissy fit, he’s covered that. And who knows, depending on the details of the contract, he might even have a case against the network. Oh, but it turns out that the lawsuit isn’t just about breach of contract. No, this is Donald Trump, so he had to go Full Palin and accuse the network of trying to stifle his FREE SPEACH. Read more on Donald Trump Knows First Amendment Just As Good As He Knows Mexicans…
  SWAT On The Wrist

Justice Department: Maybe Police Treating Ferguson Like Fallujah Was A Bad Idea

A bit like the end of Close Encounters, only with tear gas.
A draft Justice Department report on the police response to demonstrations in Ferguson, Missouri, last summer finds — and we hope you’re sitting down here — that the heavily armed police were heavy-handed in their tactics, poorly coordinated, and tended to make tensions between police and protesters worse. Who’d have guessed? Read more on Justice Department: Maybe Police Treating Ferguson Like Fallujah Was A Bad Idea…
  Just close your eyes and think of Jesus

Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging

The threat is real.
Alabama has officially joined the bandwagon of Sore Losers who refuse to believe the War on Marriage Equality is over, and the bigots did not win. The state’s Supreme Court issued an order Monday, declaring that even though the United States Supreme Court already ruled on Obergefell v. Hodges, Alabama has not decided yet whether that ruling applies (spoiler: it does), so the case is NOT closed: Read more on Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging…
  Jebus Says You Don't Have To Do Your Job

Texas And Other States Fixin’ To Secede From Gay Union

Needs to be about 20% gayer
As you could have predicted, for all the celebrations of Friday’s Great Big Supreme Court decision, it’s now time for the foot-dragging by people who simply don’t wanna ride the Gay Marry-Go-Round. Chief among them is Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who issued an epic cri de butthurt Friday that explained how the First Amendment prohibits making Christian bigots feel bad. He followed that up with a letter Sunday offering Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick his carefully thought out legal advice, which is that while marriage equality is the law of the land, county clerks can feel free to refuse to issue licenses if their religious sensibilities might be bruised, and justices of the peace can similarly declare they ain’t gonna marry no gays, no sir. Oh Texas. You’re going to look so silly when your ass is getting sued. Read more on Texas And Other States Fixin’ To Secede From Gay Union…
  Reverend Receptionist

Baptists Find Neat Loophole To Fire Janitors Who Do Gay Stuff In The Butt

I thought Jesus saves
There’s a certain kind of rightwing creativity that comes into play when government tries to make bigots not behave like complete bigots to everyone, like when cities all over Virginia just shut down their school systems rather than integrate, or more recently, when several counties in Florida announced that they just won’t marry anyone at their courthouses, straight or gay, so it’s equal, all right? Well, they’re at it again. The Southern Baptists have written a manual explaining to churches how they can get away with all the discriminating they want: just make everyone who works for you a minister, and then you can fire them without worrying about troublesome lawsuits! Read more on Baptists Find Neat Loophole To Fire Janitors Who Do Gay Stuff In The Butt…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel has released three videos in the last week and a half, and none of them is interesting enough to warrant its own blog post. There’s one on a Social Security Disability “snafu,” one that is Just Asking Questions about foreign donors to the Clinton Foundation, and one about the Supreme Court throatcramming some California students who couldn’t wear the shirts they wanted in school. It’s a seriously boring week, even by Palin’s standards. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes…
  Send Lawyers Guns And Money. Mostly Money

Arizona Muslim-Hater Needs $10 Million To Save His Family, Mean GoFundMe Won’t Let Him Have It

Poor bastard can't even afford a shirt
Great American Patriot Jon Ritzheimer has had a wonderful and terrible week. He’s the nice fellow with the “Fuck Islam!” t-shirt who organized that big “Free Speech (and Hate Islam) Rally” at the Islamic Community Center of Phoenix last Friday, where armed idiots showed up to exercise their sacred right to be dicks, and to prove that Islam is very scary. Happily, the rally came off without anyone getting shot, thanks to a huge police presence. Oh, but Mr. Ritzheimer is now in fear for his life, because some idiots on Twitter threatened him, and now he needs to go into hiding to save his family, so would you all please donate to his GoFundMe? He figures $10 million should be enough to tide him over. Read more on Arizona Muslim-Hater Needs $10 Million To Save His Family, Mean GoFundMe Won’t Let Him Have It…
  You Got Your Church In My State!

Dumb Virginia County Can’t Stop Invoking Jesus, Must Pay $74,000, Ha Ha Ha

Take this gavel, and rap it in memory of me
In a court decision that surely must mean the end of Christianity forever, once again, a federal court ruled Friday that a Virginia county board of supervisors can’t start its meetings with explicitly Christian prayers. You astute Wonketteers who are in the know may find yourselves scratching your heads and saying, “But wait, didn’t the Supremes just rule last year that it was hunky-dory-mary-joseph-jebus for some town in New York to start its meetings with a double helping of Jesus-invoking and a side of Amen? And you would be right! Read more on Dumb Virginia County Can’t Stop Invoking Jesus, Must Pay $74,000, Ha Ha Ha…