Tag Archives: first amendment

  This Is Idaho Not Kali

Idaho Legislator Has A Cow About Hindu Invocation In State Senate

Vishnu? Not much. Vishnu with you?
Idaho state Sen. Steve Vick is all in favor of the First Amendment and freedom and stuff, but that doesn’t mean he has to sit and put up with it when a Hindu cleric gives the invocation at today’s session of the state Senate, which is why he plans on walking out on the pagan voodoo nonsense. Why yes, he is from the same northern Idaho county whose local Republican party floated a proposal to declare Idaho a Christian state last week. Why do you ask? Read more on Idaho Legislator Has A Cow About Hindu Invocation In State Senate…
  Numbers don't lie

SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots

At least he spells good
Brace yourselves for some stunning, shocking, jaw-dropping, too-amazing-to-believe-yet-totally-believable news! According to a new poll from PPP, the Republican Party is overflowing with morons. It’s true. In fact, it’s SCIENCE! Or MATH! Or some kind of liberal hoax thing! Read more on SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots…
  Know what else costs 30 pieces of silver? MY JESUS CAKES.

Washington Bigot Florist Will Frost Jesus’s Cakes In Heaven, No Gays Allowed

Just last week, Good Christian Bigot Barronelle Stutzman, the owner of Arlene’s Flowers, Inc., received some bad news when a Washington Superior Court judge told her that no, her “relationship with Jesus” was not a good excuse for discriminating against The Gay, in violation of the state’s Consumer Protection Act. Stutzman had begged the judge to pretty please make all the lawsuits against her go away because her refusal to provide flowers for a gay customer’s gay wedding whose gay money she’d happily been taking for nearly a decade was all just a “misunderstanding.” The judge agreed that yes, there was indeed a misunderstanding, by Stutzman, of how the law works. Read more on Washington Bigot Florist Will Frost Jesus’s Cakes In Heaven, No Gays Allowed…
  Another oppressor oppressed

Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot

Flowers for gays available, just not gay weddings
Bad news for bigots. Again. On Wednesday, Washington State Superior Court Judge Alexander C. Ekstrom ruled that a “relationship with Jesus” is not a good enough excuse for a business owner to discriminate against The Gay, even if her Bible tells her so. Because Washington residents must answer to a higher authority: the law o’ the land. Read more on Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot…
  What First Amendment?

Let’s Just Count All The States That Aren’t Trying To Make The Bible Their Official State Book

Time for another history lesson
Congratulations, Tennessee, you’re now on the distinguished list of states who need a quick refresher in How Does The First Amendment Work, No Really, How? You can thank your new state Rep. Jerry Sexton (R-No Surprise) for proposing legislation to make the Holy Bible “the official state book.” Gosh, why might that be a problem? Read more on Let’s Just Count All The States That Aren’t Trying To Make The Bible Their Official State Book…
  Rarely Is It Asked: Is Our State Legislators Learning?

SC Republican Just Wants Judges To Pass Religious Test, What’s Wrong With That?

He has a gun, let's vote for him!
South Carolina state Rep. Jonathon Hill is just an inquisitive guy who wants to be well-informed about state judicial candidates. That’s the only reason he sent a questionnaire just crawling with completely unconstitutional questions to candidates for judgeships. In South Carolina, judges are elected by state legislators, so Hill, a bright young conservative who is 29 years old, thought he’d look into some important questions to help him decide who belongs on the bench. Here are a few things he wanted to know: Read more on SC Republican Just Wants Judges To Pass Religious Test, What’s Wrong With That?…
  That pesky First Amendment

Florida School Board May Just Give Up On Distributing Bibles. Thanks, Satanic Temple!

Harder than you'd think!
You might recall how the Orange County School District in Florida was forced to delay — forever, apparently — its annual “Religious Freedom Day” when local evangelicals distribute Bibles and other religious materials to schoolchildren, because the Satanic Temple planned to join the fun and distribute a coloring book about Satanism. Read more on Florida School Board May Just Give Up On Distributing Bibles. Thanks, Satanic Temple!…
  Aroint Thee Witch

Christian Town In Michigan Being Ensorcelled By Atheist Demon-Man, Smallfolk Panick

Oh bother, oh Baphomet.
The malign presence of Mitch Kahle, a confessed atheist witch-demon, has placed the Goodchristian town of Norton Shores, Michigan, in a Peril of losing its magick protections against evil. Kahle has already used his darck maege powers to beguile the smallbarons who do sitte upon the Ottawa County Board of Commissioners; And lo they did as he bade, purging the works of the Lord from the land. A blessed inscription of a Psalm at a publick parck is e’en now been rent asunder, and by some weirde alchemy, a towering crucifix that once stood proude on the commone Lande is become a scow’s anchor. Read more on Christian Town In Michigan Being Ensorcelled By Atheist Demon-Man, Smallfolk Panick…
  An Act Of Face

Supreme Court Says Muslim Inmate Can Grow Beard, Sharia Law Now In Effect

America now officially over
Get ready for another round of whining about “creeping Sharia,” America. The Supreme Court has ruled that an Arkansas prisoner can grow a beard because he’s a Muslim. The justices said that inmate Gregory Holt could maintain a half-inch beard because Arkansas prison officials could not substantiate claims that the beard posed a security risk. Read more on Supreme Court Says Muslim Inmate Can Grow Beard, Sharia Law Now In Effect…
  And Lawyers Are Like Pipe Bombs Or Something

California School Board Must Read Bible At Meetings Or The Terrorists Win

Don't mind me. Just sitting in. Hey, kids, want some loaves and fishes? I have extra
The school board of Chino, California, is being sued by the mean old Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) just because it likes to open its meetings with a few prayers to Jesus. Plus some proselytizing during board meetings, and, OK, offering Bible classes taught with materials from a church, too. Members of the board are pretty sure they’re just doing what George Washington and Jesus want, which is to make sue that God isn’t excluded from public life. At a meeting last week, during which the board voted to seek an attorney to volunteer to defend the case, one board member compared the lawsuit to the recent terrorist attacks in France, because of course the First Amendment is a lot like an automatic rifle. Read more on California School Board Must Read Bible At Meetings Or The Terrorists Win…
  That's How The Baal Bounces

Satanic Temple’s Fun Coloring Book Ruins Bible Handout Day In Florida

Yes, the boy's name is Damien
Image from The Satanic Temple Rack up another First Amendment win for the Establishment Clause trolls at the Satanic Temple. The specter of children having access to a satanic-themed coloring book was simply too much for the Orange County School District in Florida, so it cancelled — or “indefinitely delayed” — a planned “Religious Freedom Day” distribution of Bibles and other religious literature, rather than allow the Satanic Temple to distribute its evil activity book. Read more on Satanic Temple’s Fun Coloring Book Ruins Bible Handout Day In Florida…
  Sincerely held historical 'beliefs'

Oklahoma Just Wants To Protect Hobby Lobby’s Right To Teach Your Kids ‘Bout Jesus, No Big

Time for another history lesson
From the very same state that brought us the unconstitutional law to ban even the whispered mention of Sharia comes a shiny new bill to protect Hobby Lobby’s right to teach your kids about Jesus, America’s greatest founding father. Read more on Oklahoma Just Wants To Protect Hobby Lobby’s Right To Teach Your Kids ‘Bout Jesus, No Big…
  Oh Also The Entire Premise of The Story Is False. Did We Mention That?

Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)

NOT EVEN LIBERAL BLOG WONKETTE is offended by this. Giggling at, yes. Offended, no.
Yr Wonkette likes to think we are firmly in the radical gun-grabbing kneejerk pantywaist big sissy liberal portion of the political spectrum, but once in a rare while we find ourselves reading about something that is so idiotic that Even the Liberal Blog Wonkette has to agree it’s just too stupid for words. For instance, this story from Dallas about a nice couple, Stephanie Wehner and her fiancé Mitch Strobl, who submitted a packet of engagement photos to Walmart for copying. The photos came back with one photo missing — a tender loving picture of the gal, the beau, and the beau’s first true love, a “12 gauge Ruger Red Label Shotgun,” the very first gun he bought himself. Read more on Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)…
  Read The Return Policy Very Carefully

Alabama Town Now Owned By God. God To Flip It To Ganesh, Make Bank.

These foreign pictures just don't appeal much to us. Too many subtitles.
In a real estate deal of questionable legality, the City Council of Winfield, Alabama, recently passed a resolution declaring that Winfield is a “City Under God,” a necessary step because, as Mayor Randy Price said, the state and country are in “an awful condition.” The Marion County Journal Record expressed its approval in an editorial — it’s behind a paywall, but Hemant Mehta helpfully provides a screenshot: Read more on Alabama Town Now Owned By God. God To Flip It To Ganesh, Make Bank….
  Mentors: The Faithmaker

Jesus Has A Whole New Bag: Mentoring Ohio Public School Kids

Mentoring means the kids get Mentos, right?
So here’s a terrific idea to help At Risk Youth (you know, poor kids) overcome the problems of poverty: get them into a mentoring program, so they can learn skills for success and learn gooder in school. And so, with a bit of fanfare and a photo op surrounded by underprivileged kids and their smiling teachers, Ohio Gov. John Kasich went to a Cleveland elementary school in June to sign into law a bill that would provide $10 million in funds for mentoring. Yay, kids and success! Oh, and also, if schools want to participate in the mentoring program, they’ll have to partner with a business — because entrepreneurs made America great, we guess — and also partner with a church or other faith-based group, according to a report by Cleveland.com: Read more on Jesus Has A Whole New Bag: Mentoring Ohio Public School Kids…
  Only To Find Gideon's Bible

Nice Georgia Elementary School Giving All Its Children The Gift Of Jesus, Hooray!

Wrong Rocky Raccoon. (I take a 7 1/2)
A Georgia elementary school is doing something innovative for its students — no, silly, it’s not trying innovative methods for teaching math or getting kids excited about science. Instead, it’s inviting the Gideons into the school library and having kids line up to get their very own Bibles, which are apparently in such short supply in Georgia that volunteers are needed to hand them out in public schools. But hey, at least they’re promoting literacy by taking the kids to the library, maybe. Read more on Nice Georgia Elementary School Giving All Its Children The Gift Of Jesus, Hooray!…
  Trolling The Ancient Yuletide Carol

Satanic Temple Getting The Devil All Over Florida Now

In a victory for something, we guess, our favorite Separation Of Church And State trolls at the completely serious “Satanic Temple” have succeeded in winning a place for their “Fallen Angel” diorama in the Florida State Capitol. You may recall that last year, their effort to have the poor wingless thing added to the Capitol’s holiday display was rebuffed as “grossly offensive,” although the committee in charge of the seasonal idiocy did allow a Festivus pole made of beer cans and a statue of the Flying Spaghetti Monster made of whatever you make that out of. Read more on Satanic Temple Getting The Devil All Over Florida Now…
  Anarchy is for white people

Mike Huckabee Outraged Black People Don’t Want To Be Shot

What is he really trying to say?
Mike Huckabee, another Bible-humping wingnut whackadoodle who just might have to run for president to save America from itself, is a big fan of anarchy. Sometimes. Like, when judicial activists try to cram marriage equality down our throats? That is bad and unconstitutional, according to the Bible, and in Huckabee’s ideal America, brave governors who actually care about values and what they are pretty darned sure Jesus meant when he wrote the First Amendment would tell the courts to go throat-cram themselves by refusing to follow these unlawful laws. Read more on Mike Huckabee Outraged Black People Don’t Want To Be Shot…
  Wingnut Wish List

Mississippi Group Gonna Make Christianity The State Religion Without Violating Constitution, Just You See

Sure Why Not?
In a great victory for freedumb, the “Magnolia State Heritage Campign” is pushing a ballot initiative that would finally give the state’s Christian heritage the recognition that it deserves, writing into law that Mississippi is a “principally Christian and quintessentially Southern state” and also acknowledging that the Holy Bible is where all the state’s laws really come from. Read more on Mississippi Group Gonna Make Christianity The State Religion Without Violating Constitution, Just You See…
  Here have some news n stuff

Republican White Guy Real Sorry If Anyone Was Offended By Racist Slur Because It Is A Day

Former Gov. Haley Barbour (R-Sorryville)
Stop us if you’ve heard this one before. (You have, but keep reading.) Some crusty old white guy Republican dude says a racist thing. There’s a good chance he doesn’t even realize it is racist because he is too busy wanting his country back and missing the good old days when it was perfectly A-OK and acceptable among polite society to say racist things. If enough people explain to him that, “Hey, that thing you said is racist, AND THAT’S WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!” he just might apologize. Not for being racist. Heavens no. Not for saying a racist thing. Certainly not that. But if anyone was offended, well, sorry ’bout that part.Today’s crusty old white guy Republican dude is former Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour. (Yeah, we know you’re shocked.) Read more on Republican White Guy Real Sorry If Anyone Was Offended By Racist Slur Because It Is A Day…
  Who would Jesus kill?

‘Pro-Life’ Murderer Demands His First Amendment Right To Kill Again

Yep, conspiracy to commit murder is right in there!
When a convicted “pro-life” terrorist who shot an abortion doctor to death, in his own church — for the unborned babies, and for Jesus! — threatens to do it again, you should probably take him seriously. Scott Roeder, who murdered Dr. George Tiller in 2009, has been rotting behind bars where he belongs ever since he was convicted of murder. Roeder has no remorse for his crime; in fact, he’s been fantasizing about his next victim: Julie Burkhart, the executive director of the clinic that replaced Dr. Tiller’s after Roeder murdered him. Read more on ‘Pro-Life’ Murderer Demands His First Amendment Right To Kill Again…