Tag Archives: first amendment

  Justice Of Miscarriage

Miscarrying Lady Almost Dies At Catholic Hospital, But At Least She Didn’t Get An Abortion

How cool is Steve Brodner? Cool enough that he gave us permission to use this within five minutes of asking!
Oh, Wonketteers, you’re going to want to remove any heavy objects from the vicinity of your computer before you read this one, lest you hurl anything through your monitor (mobile users are advised to tie down their throwing arms). Tuesday, a federal district judge in Michigan dismissed a woman’s lawsuit against the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and three chairs or former chairs of the Catholic hospital chain that owns Mercy Health Partners’ hospital in Muskegon, Michigan. In 2010, Tamesha Means was only 18 weeks pregnant when her water broke and she went to Mercy — one of only two hospitals in Muskegon County, which are both owned by the same Catholic company, Trinity Health. We’ll let the ACLU tell you how that went: Read more on Miscarrying Lady Almost Dies At Catholic Hospital, But At Least She Didn’t Get An Abortion…
  Will The Thing On His Head Testify?

Donald Trump Knows First Amendment Just As Good As He Knows Mexicans

Also Free Speach!
Humungous bag of weasel smegma Donald Trump is suing Univision for $500 million because it canceled its coverage of the Miss Universe pageant after his really smart (and totally accurate, he says) analysis of Mexicans, who are “bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists.” Some, he figures, are “good people,” so he doesn’t even see why everyone’s having a hissy fit, he’s covered that. And who knows, depending on the details of the contract, he might even have a case against the network. Oh, but it turns out that the lawsuit isn’t just about breach of contract. No, this is Donald Trump, so he had to go Full Palin and accuse the network of trying to stifle his FREE SPEACH. Read more on Donald Trump Knows First Amendment Just As Good As He Knows Mexicans…
  SWAT On The Wrist

Justice Department: Maybe Police Treating Ferguson Like Fallujah Was A Bad Idea

A bit like the end of Close Encounters, only with tear gas.
A draft Justice Department report on the police response to demonstrations in Ferguson, Missouri, last summer finds — and we hope you’re sitting down here — that the heavily armed police were heavy-handed in their tactics, poorly coordinated, and tended to make tensions between police and protesters worse. Who’d have guessed? Read more on Justice Department: Maybe Police Treating Ferguson Like Fallujah Was A Bad Idea…
  Just close your eyes and think of Jesus

Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging

Too bad, so sad
Alabama has officially joined the bandwagon of Sore Losers who refuse to believe the War on Marriage Equality is over, and the bigots did not win. The state’s Supreme Court issued an order Monday, declaring that even though the United States Supreme Court already ruled on Obergefell v. Hodges, Alabama has not decided yet whether that ruling applies (spoiler: it does), so the case is NOT closed: Read more on Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging…
  Jebus Says You Don't Have To Do Your Job

Texas And Other States Fixin’ To Secede From Gay Union

Needs to be about 20% gayer
As you could have predicted, for all the celebrations of Friday’s Great Big Supreme Court decision, it’s now time for the foot-dragging by people who simply don’t wanna ride the Gay Marry-Go-Round. Chief among them is Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who issued an epic cri de butthurt Friday that explained how the First Amendment prohibits making Christian bigots feel bad. He followed that up with a letter Sunday offering Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick his carefully thought out legal advice, which is that while marriage equality is the law of the land, county clerks can feel free to refuse to issue licenses if their religious sensibilities might be bruised, and justices of the peace can similarly declare they ain’t gonna marry no gays, no sir. Oh Texas. You’re going to look so silly when your ass is getting sued. Read more on Texas And Other States Fixin’ To Secede From Gay Union…
  Reverend Receptionist

Baptists Find Neat Loophole To Fire Janitors Who Do Gay Stuff In The Butt

I thought Jesus saves
There’s a certain kind of rightwing creativity that comes into play when government tries to make bigots not behave like complete bigots to everyone, like when cities all over Virginia just shut down their school systems rather than integrate, or more recently, when several counties in Florida announced that they just won’t marry anyone at their courthouses, straight or gay, so it’s equal, all right? Well, they’re at it again. The Southern Baptists have written a manual explaining to churches how they can get away with all the discriminating they want: just make everyone who works for you a minister, and then you can fire them without worrying about troublesome lawsuits! Read more on Baptists Find Neat Loophole To Fire Janitors Who Do Gay Stuff In The Butt…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel has released three videos in the last week and a half, and none of them is interesting enough to warrant its own blog post. There’s one on a Social Security Disability “snafu,” one that is Just Asking Questions about foreign donors to the Clinton Foundation, and one about the Supreme Court throatcramming some California students who couldn’t wear the shirts they wanted in school. It’s a seriously boring week, even by Palin’s standards. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes…
  Send Lawyers Guns And Money. Mostly Money

Arizona Muslim-Hater Needs $10 Million To Save His Family, Mean GoFundMe Won’t Let Him Have It

Poor bastard can't even afford a shirt
Great American Patriot Jon Ritzheimer has had a wonderful and terrible week. He’s the nice fellow with the “Fuck Islam!” t-shirt who organized that big “Free Speech (and Hate Islam) Rally” at the Islamic Community Center of Phoenix last Friday, where armed idiots showed up to exercise their sacred right to be dicks, and to prove that Islam is very scary. Happily, the rally came off without anyone getting shot, thanks to a huge police presence. Oh, but Mr. Ritzheimer is now in fear for his life, because some idiots on Twitter threatened him, and now he needs to go into hiding to save his family, so would you all please donate to his GoFundMe? He figures $10 million should be enough to tide him over. Read more on Arizona Muslim-Hater Needs $10 Million To Save His Family, Mean GoFundMe Won’t Let Him Have It…
  You Got Your Church In My State!

Dumb Virginia County Can’t Stop Invoking Jesus, Must Pay $74,000, Ha Ha Ha

Take this gavel, and rap it in memory of me
In a court decision that surely must mean the end of Christianity forever, once again, a federal court ruled Friday that a Virginia county board of supervisors can’t start its meetings with explicitly Christian prayers. You astute Wonketteers who are in the know may find yourselves scratching your heads and saying, “But wait, didn’t the Supremes just rule last year that it was hunky-dory-mary-joseph-jebus for some town in New York to start its meetings with a double helping of Jesus-invoking and a side of Amen? And you would be right! Read more on Dumb Virginia County Can’t Stop Invoking Jesus, Must Pay $74,000, Ha Ha Ha…
  You have the right to remain not silent

SCOTUS: Guy Threatening Ex On Facebook Probably Not A Real Threat, Just A Dick

Can we be blindfolded too?
There’s this guy, Anthony Elonis, who is a certified, convicted dick. He repeatedly posted all kinds of obnoxious and very detailed words on his Facebook page about his ex-wife and how he wanted to do terrible things to her, like killing her dead, which, as you might imagine, caused her to feel a tad bit alarmed for her safety, as one might when her ex is telling the internet he wants to harm her very much — and how! For example: Read more on SCOTUS: Guy Threatening Ex On Facebook Probably Not A Real Threat, Just A Dick…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: There’s Sharia Creepin’ All Over Wonkette!

Newsweek's gift to posterity
For a mommyblog and recipe hub that doesn’t allow comments, Yr Wonkette sure got a lot of crazy ones on our story about Friday’s Great Big Free-Speech-n-Guns Rally Against Islam in Phoenix. Our favorite was from “Elizabeth,” who explained that since we were making fun of a bunch of hate-filled goons with guns, we had obviously been blinded to the true nature of Islam, because those Muslims just lie all the time: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: There’s Sharia Creepin’ All Over Wonkette!…
  The Sacred Right To Be A Dick

Free Speech Loving Islamophobes Invade Phoenix Mosque To Draw Mohammed, Guns

He's just a fan of the vibrant dialogue guaranteed by the First Amendment
In what’s expected to be a terrific day for both the First and Second Amendments, several hundred armed idiots are expected to show up for a rally and “Draw Muhammad Cartoon Contest” outside a mosque in Phoenix Friday evening. The event’s Facebook page emphasizes that while the rally should be “PEACEFUL,” it would also be a terrific idea for attendees to “utilize there [sic] second amendment right at this event just incase [sic] our first amendment comes under the much anticipated attack.” Read more on Free Speech Loving Islamophobes Invade Phoenix Mosque To Draw Mohammed, Guns…
  Attention Satanic Temple: Colorado Needs You

Colorado Public High School Basically A Church, Saving Kids With Jesus Pizza

Not shown: Well for throwing Jews down
Oh, goody, time for another Church-n-state fight! This time, it’s in the tiny town of Florence, Colorado, population 3881, where a Jewish teacher has filed a lawsuit claiming the town’s only high school is largely a subsidiary of an evangelical Christian church that meets in the school’s cafeteria every Sunday, and whose pastor leads daily prayer services at the school as well as lunchtime prayer sessions called “Jesus Pizza.” Read more on Colorado Public High School Basically A Church, Saving Kids With Jesus Pizza…
  Jesus Built My Critical Thinking

Alabama Rep. Saves Schoolkids From Learning They Are Disgusting Monkeys

'Maybe God made a monkey that doesn't like to think it's a monkey, and lies a lot.' -- Joe Rogan
This is exciting! Alabama state Rep. Mack “Not a Porn Name” Butler has introduced a bill that will encourage students to “think critically” about science by allowing teachers greater latitude to add stuff to science classes that isn’t so much science as not science, so everyone can learn more better! As Butler explains on his highly amusing Facebook page, it’s all about freedom and openness, and learning that we didn’t come from monkeys! Read more on Alabama Rep. Saves Schoolkids From Learning They Are Disgusting Monkeys…
  Breakin' the law

Law-Breaking DC ‘Pro-Lifers’ Will Keep Firing Whores, For Jesus

You're fired!
Here is a fun fact for you: “pro-lifers”? They are mostly assholes. Even the ones who don’t try to murder doctors and bomb health clinics. In Washington DC, they’re taking a brief intermission from crawling up your vagina with a Bible and a stern look to announce to the world that they do not give a good goddamn about the district’s new dumb “law” that says employers cannot discriminate against lady workers or their families just for swinging by Planned Parenthood before yoga class: Read more on Law-Breaking DC ‘Pro-Lifers’ Will Keep Firing Whores, For Jesus…
  futility in the pursuit of stupidity is actually a vice

Hero GOP Throws Tantrum, Votes To Stop Washington DC From Murdering Babies And Freedom

Have you been wishing that distressingly orange hobgoblin John Boehner and a group of even more conservative and unhinged congresscritters would raise the spectre of religious freedom in a way that isn’t just about worrying whether a cake-maker in flyover country will be forced to lovingly feed wedding cake directly to the mouths of gays? You are in so much luck, because last night the House voted to blurt RELIGIOUS FREEDUMB at all of Washington D.C., for having the goddamn gall to pass a law that says you can’t fire people just for liking to murder babies. Praise Jesus for the House of Representatives having the presence of mind to save Washington D.C. from itself. Read more on Hero GOP Throws Tantrum, Votes To Stop Washington DC From Murdering Babies And Freedom…
  Let's Go Kill Some Scientists

Wingnut Columnist: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Is A Bad Scientist, Could Someone Please Kill Him?

Works for media literacy too.
WordNetDaily columnist Erik “The Other Rush” Rush — he really calls himself that — would like to share with you some Thoughts About Science, which mostly boil down to: science is nice when it gives us flatscreen TVs and atomic bombs, but we’d better not trust the “scientific community” because it’s full of atheists and socialists who are trying to set themselves up as some kinds of authorities on stuff that they have no business talking about, like the age of the Earth, how life came to be on Earth and whether it’s getting hotter, none of which they really know a damn thing about. And by the end of his meditations on science, he actually appears to say it would be OK to kill a few scientists, if that’s what’s necessary to preserve Liberty. Read more on Wingnut Columnist: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Is A Bad Scientist, Could Someone Please Kill Him?…
  You Need Jesus In School. Where Else In Tennessee Would Kids Hear About Him?

‘Bible Man’ Banned From Tenn. Grade Schools. Townfolk Turn Other Cheek, Just Kidding

Oh Christ, now I'm going to have to *watch* these...
Cry for the poor oppressed Christians of Grundy County, Tennessee, will you please, O Wonkers? Lo, they are sore afraid, and most put upon, for an HERETIC is amongst them, using arcane magicks (the Constitution of the United States) and consorting with Devilish Forces (the Freedom From Religion Foundation) to withhold from the public schools the Word Of God! Which is to say, some old evangelist fart calling himself “the Bible Man” won’t be allowed to hold taxpayer-funded revival meetings at the elementary schools anymore, because of some stupid thing about it being unconstitutional. Happily, it all worked out for the best because the good Christian townspeople have figured out the identity of the troublemaking atheist mom who complained to the FFRF, and they’ve been threatening her with violent retribution, seeing as how God Himself hasn’t gotten around to smiting the godless bitch yet. But they know that’s what He’d want. Read more on ‘Bible Man’ Banned From Tenn. Grade Schools. Townfolk Turn Other Cheek, Just Kidding…
  Unfair!

Michelle Malkin Outraged: Twitter Jailing Conservatives Like They Are Japanese-Americans

Our thoughts exactly
BREAKING EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT TWITCHY! The liberal-biased interwebs are putting conservatives in Twitter jail, maybe (or maybe not) but probably (but probably not), just for being conservatives, OH NOES! Michelle Malkin, conservative keyboard-banging hero and founder of the the site with NINE PAID STAFFERS (or, ugh, maybe even more by now) who collect random tweets, mostly by Pat Sajak, and call it “the news wire of the 21st century,” is on to you, Twitter! Read more on Michelle Malkin Outraged: Twitter Jailing Conservatives Like They Are Japanese-Americans…
  First Amendment? What First Amendment?

Congratulations, God, The Tennessee House Just Loves Your Book! (Exciting Update!)

Hey, that dude looks like Breitbart!
Happy Nice Time Update: See end of post! The Tennessee House voted Wednesday to name the Bible the official state book. But don’t worry, it’s not a violation of the First Amendment, because the people who wrote the bill said, nahh, it’s exactly like a state song or a state bird, and nobody complains that those violate the Constitution, do they? And then they turned right around and said that they had to make the Bible the state book to show that Tennessee loves Jesus a whole bunch. Read more on Congratulations, God, The Tennessee House Just Loves Your Book! (Exciting Update!)…
  Sounds like somebody got her school nurse certificate online

Elementary School Nurse Will Determine If Students Are Patriotic Enough For Her Services

You pledge allegiance to Flag Cat right now!
It is a well-established fact that any American, for any reason, can refuse to say the Pledge Of Allegiance, as an exercise of their First Amendment rights. Perhaps they find it creepy, or aren’t too keen on the religious part of it (which, contrary to popular conservative myth, was only added in 1954, and not by Jesus himself). Perhaps they HATE AMERICA, but probably not. This was established by the Supreme Court in 1943, in a case called West Virginia Board Of Education v. Barnette, so it’s not exactly breaking news. But some people seem to have been playing hooky from reading their 1943 SCOTUS decisions, because a school nurse at Wilson Middle School in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, decided to unleash on, and then refuse to treat, an eighth grade student who chose to exercise right to remain seated when the daily Pledge Time happened. Read more on Elementary School Nurse Will Determine If Students Are Patriotic Enough For Her Services…