Tag Archives: firearms

  Cold Dead Hands

Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever

As gun ownership becomes more about making a half-baked political statement predicated on paranoid delusions and industry propaganda, and less about practical matters like hunting and home defense, it stands to reason that gun owners themselves would display an ever-diminishing quotient of common sense. This is just a theory, but damned if the facts on the ground don’t support it. WITNESS: Read more on Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever…
  second amendment solutions

Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing

THE SETUP: A group in Texas called Open Carry Tarrant County feels very affectionately toward guns and certain Amendments. They also like HB195 (“the Texas Constitutional Carry Act of 2015”), a bill before the Texas legislature that would do two main things: Remove the requirement that Texans obtain a permit to carry a concealed handgun, and permit any legally sober Texan to carry a handgun, either concealed or openly upon their corpus, pretty much anywhere except churches, prisons, sporting events, hospitals, saloons, amusement parks, and government meetings. So Open Carry Tarrant County assembled to do a little lobbying for HB195 at the State House! Read more on Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing…
  Gun Radio: A Radio Show For Guns

George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!

Ready for all comers
George Zimmerman has a lot of free time. His notoriety prevents him from seeking conventional employment, evidently, and he got fired from his last unpaid gig in that the owner of the gun shop he was lurking behind at night for security told him to stop it already. Plus there’s that price on his head. Read more on George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!…
  Fuck This Shit

Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida

We can't even come up with a funny alt tag right now, guys.
You remember Marissa Alexander, right? She was the Florida woman who fired warning shots at her abusive husband (and missed) during a domestic dispute and got 20 years for it. Fortunately, she got a new trial, and on Monday, justice was finally served. Unfortunately, as the piping-hot bowl of justice was being served, it was spilled in Marissa Alexander’s lap, and because this is Florida, she still has to pay for her meal. Read more on Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida…
  it's just common sense

Nobody Is Afraid Of Large Groups Of People Armed With Guns, Argues Gun Weirdo

We speculate a lot around here about what, exactly, makes some people feel that they should be allowed to carry a loaded gun whenever and wherever they please. “Small penis” is a popular one. “Living in a fantasy world” is another. We’ll add “incredibly self-centered” and “insecure for reasons other than a small penis.” But according to CJ Grisham, founder of Open Carry Texas, these are just “inaccurate stereotypes,” and if you want the truth about open carry, you should read his piece in the Texas Tribune, called “The truth about open carry.” That’s how you know it’s the truth, because it’s called that. One truth that Grisham holds to be self-evident is that nobody at all was scared when he led a group of armed people (men?) into a Jack in the Box restaurant, which is a thing he did because technically he is allowed to do that: “Contrary to reports, no one in the restaurant was frightened or alarmed by the presence of our firearms” Read more on Nobody Is Afraid Of Large Groups Of People Armed With Guns, Argues Gun Weirdo…
  second amendment remedies

Rand Paul Will Be President Of All Americans Who Want To Carry Guns In Post Offices

We did not listen to Rand Paul’s Rand Paul Party Response to the State of the Union last night, so we are not sure if he talked up his latest, boldest legislative proposal to liberate Americans from a very specific kind of tyranny: the kind where you aren’t allowed to bring your gun into the post office. On Wednesday, January 29, Senator Rand Paul will offer an amendment, in committee, to the Postal Reform Act (S. 1486). The amendment will allow you to drive into a post office parking lot with your gun, and will allow you to carry it into the post office, to the extent state law would allow you to carry that firearm in any other venue. This is a story that would not look out of place on theonion.com, but it is really happening, in America, in 2014, and it is because of two things: One, despite all caterwauling to the contrary, America remains a very wealthy country; and two, the primary system we use to select major party nominees is a joke, and the punchline is Rand Paul. Read more on Rand Paul Will Be President Of All Americans Who Want To Carry Guns In Post Offices…
  I'll show you mine

North Carolina Man Accidentally Discharges Gun In Body Shaming Store While Discussing Finer Points Of Second Amendment

Finally, here’s a story about an idiot with a gun that we can laugh at without feeling like terrible people! Last Tuesday evening, Some Unknown Guy went to the Winkler Street GNC in Wilkesboro, North Carolina, like we all do when we need to buy some foul-tasting dehydrated fat to make us fatter, or just to shoot the breeze with the people who work at GNC, who are our dear friends. That Tuesday, the conversation turned as usual to our American Second Amendment Right To Wave Around Guns Like A Moron, and you’ll never guess what happened next. Read more on North Carolina Man Accidentally Discharges Gun In Body Shaming Store While Discussing Finer Points Of Second Amendment…
  because 'florida'

Florida Governor Rick Scott Liberates Doctors From Burdens Of The First Amendment

We at Wonkette are not experts in Constitutional law or contemporary American jurisprudence, but it seems to us that the Amendments are supposed to be of equal importance and subjected to the same standards of inquiry. So we were surprised (but not really that surprised, actually, now that we think about it for a minute) to learn that the Second Amendment is more important than the First Amendment, but only for doctors, and only if they live in Florida. Read more on Florida Governor Rick Scott Liberates Doctors From Burdens Of The First Amendment…
 

ATF Launches Brilliant New Anti-Gun Campaign!

America’s favorite buzzkills — the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives — have launched a new advertising campaign in public schools in Tennessee that is sure to stop HOPPED-UP DRUG GUN BUNNIES from shooting their frienemies. The slogan for a series of posters reads, “Be Cool… Don’t Let Guns Rule.” Now all of Tennessee’s public school students are smoking cigarettes, which remains a vital ingredient of Being Cool. [CNS News] Read more on ATF Launches Brilliant New Anti-Gun Campaign!…