Tag: firearms

Did somebody say spandex?

Kansas To Give Gun Dealers Special Rights Like They’re A Bunch Of Gays Or Something

Thank Christ Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback and his team of merry Republican legislators have fixed the budgetary crisis they created, and now have time to move on to the important issues. It's time to ban discrimination against poor, helpless,...

South Carolina Republican: Reporters, Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass Go

Hey, all you smart kids out there who keep a mini Constitution in your back pocket at all times, let's see if you spot the problem with this neat idea: State Rep. Mike Pitts, R-Laurens, Tuesday introduced a bill called...
What if...anime gun girls cause gun horror stories?

2015’s Most Responsible Gun Owners: We’ve Got The Whole Year In Our Cold, Dead Hands

America loves its guns, almost as much as it loves its Constitution, which consists wholly of the Second Amendment (and only the second clause of that amendment, of course). It's the best possible America in the whole world, except...
Let's say it together: He seems nice.

‘Sovereign Citizen’ Porn Producer Decides He’s A Doctor, Nevada Disagrees

Yet another sad development for freedom, as the fascist authorities of Nevada have arrested a self-trained "doctor" who claims to have "performed dozens of abortions, circumcisions, castrations, root canals, even cancer treatments." Rick Van Thiel doesn't have a license or...
It's always nice to use this picture.

President Hillary Clinton Will Grab Your Guns, Do Benghazi To Them

UH OH, small-dicked white men, you guys got a problem, and it is your new president, Hitlery Clinton. You see, she laid out a whole new plan to take everybody's guns and force them to renounce Jesus establish some sensible...
Judge Vance Day, looking thoughtful in his official portrait

Oregon Judge Won’t Marry No Gays, But Look At His Rad Picture Of Hitler

While Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis and her lunatic fans hog the media spotlight with their wacky antics, an Oregon judge, the Hon. Vance Day of Marion County, has been quietly refusing to perform weddings for same-sex couples, initially telling...
More guns just means more freedom

Gun Rights Fools Behave Foolishly Again, Aren’t You Just Floored?

Many gun owners are responsible, reasonable people. They don't particularly care whether they're allowed to carry an assault rifle into Chipotle. They are fine with background checks. They follow the law. Then there's the other ones. You know, the idiots....

Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever

As gun ownership becomes more about making a half-baked political statement predicated on paranoid delusions and industry propaganda, and less about practical matters like hunting and home defense, it stands to reason that gun owners themselves would display an...

Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing

THE SETUP: A group in Texas called Open Carry Tarrant County feels very affectionately toward guns and certain Amendments. They also like HB195 ("the Texas Constitutional Carry Act of 2015"), a bill before the Texas legislature that would do...

Who Is Being Shot By Their Toddlers Today? Your Saturday Gun-Fun Roundup!

2015 arrived with a big ol' bang, and by "bang" we mean multiple gunshots that injured or killed people for no reason whatsoever. Here's your week in guns: Guns Are Family Fun, Says Shooting Range The Montgomery Indoor Shooting Complex thinks all you...
Ready for all comers

George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!

George Zimmerman has a lot of free time. His notoriety prevents him from seeking conventional employment, evidently, and he got fired from his last unpaid gig in that the owner of the gun shop he was lurking behind at...
We can't even come up with a funny alt tag right now, guys.

Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida

You remember Marissa Alexander, right? She was the Florida woman who fired warning shots at her abusive husband (and missed) during a domestic dispute and got 20 years for it. Fortunately, she got a new trial, and on Monday,...

Nobody Is Afraid Of Large Groups Of People Armed With Guns, Argues Gun Weirdo

We speculate a lot around here about what, exactly, makes some people feel that they should be allowed to carry a loaded gun whenever and wherever they please. "Small penis" is a popular one. "Living in a fantasy world" is...

Rand Paul Will Be President Of All Americans Who Want To Carry Guns In Post Offices

We did not listen to Rand Paul’s Rand Paul Party Response to the State of the Union last night, so we are not sure if he talked up his latest, boldest legislative proposal to liberate Americans from a very...

North Carolina Man Accidentally Discharges Gun In Body Shaming Store While Discussing Finer Points Of Second Amendment

Finally, here's a story about an idiot with a gun that we can laugh at without feeling like terrible people! Last Tuesday evening, Some Unknown Guy went to the Winkler Street GNC in Wilkesboro, North Carolina, like we all...

Florida Governor Rick Scott Liberates Doctors From Burdens Of The First Amendment

We at Wonkette are not experts in Constitutional law or contemporary American jurisprudence, but it seems to us that the Amendments are supposed to be of equal importance and subjected to the same standards of inquiry. So we were...