Tag Archives: fire

  You Should See What This Bad Boy Does To 'Atlas Shrugged'

Rand Paul Must Be Craaaaazy With This Tax-Code-Slashing Ad! Every Page Must Go!

Film scratch lines: So edgy and hip.
Sorry, Business Insider, we just can’t let you get away with using the words “intense” and “Rand Paul” in the same sentence like this: Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) released an intense new video on Tuesday where he appears to be literally destroying the US tax code. We looked at the video, and no, it is something less than “intense.” Maybe “intensely silly.” So the big idea here is that Rand Paul is going completely Crazy Eddie on the tax code, as he announces in the first of two (?) videos: “Hey I’m Rand Paul and I’m trying to kill the tax code — all 70,000 pages of it,” to be replaced by a single-page tax code and a one-page tax return for everyone in Libertarian Fantasy America. Then a cheesy, less feedbacky imitation of Jimi Hendrix’s Star Spangled Banner accompanies shots of Paul tossing piles of paper into a woodchipper, burning it, and slicing into it with a chainsaw. Apparently you can go somewhere to vote on this. Oh the intensity. Note also the fake film scratch lines on the video, so you know that Rand Paul is Alternative. Read more on Rand Paul Must Be Craaaaazy With This Tax-Code-Slashing Ad! Every Page Must Go!…
  Here Comes The Choo-Choo Train...Uh-Oh

Exploding Train Brings Fresh Infusion Of Burning Toxic Sludge To West Virginia

Oh, that North Dakota Oil Boom
This post sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of oil spills, pipeline disasters, oil train explosions, and ironic locales If nothing else, you have to appreciate the poetry of where the latest oil train derailment and explosion happened Monday: Mount Carbon, West Virginia. Given the affinity of West Virginia politicians for the precious coal industry and its money, that might be an imperative, not a place name. Read more on Exploding Train Brings Fresh Infusion Of Burning Toxic Sludge To West Virginia…
  investigate the pointer sisters

Wingnuts Figure Islamic Terrorists Are Better Explanation For Wildfires Than Global Warming, Carelessness, Lightning (Updated)

UPDATE: We’ve heard back from the National Interagency Fire Center; additional details at end of post) Well, golly, here’s a break from all that Syria stuff: the National Home for Completely Plausible Conspiracy Theories, aka WND, ran a story today suggesting — in that asking-questions-in-a-headline way — that al Qaeda is behind the wildfires burning up large chunks of the West this summer. Now, of course, it’s completely impossible that global warming has anything to do with any of the fires, because it is fake. And so are lightning and carelessness. But terrorists setting wildfires? That makes perfect sense, and WND even found a guy with some credentials who says so! Read more on Wingnuts Figure Islamic Terrorists Are Better Explanation For Wildfires Than Global Warming, Carelessness, Lightning (Updated)…
  creature features

Everybody’s All-American Rocket, Head Transplants, And Cephalopod Cloaking Devices In This Week’s Sci-Blog

Hola Wonkeratti! It’s time once again for another terrible Wonkette Sci-Blog. Mix yourselves another drink and come on in! Today, in honor of this week’s American Independence Day  we’re paying  homage to skyrocket and All-American Success Story,  the Saturn V launch Vehicle. The “Moon Rocket” we all saw (well, some of us saw) launched from Cape Canaveral Florida in the late 60’s and early 70’s, the “Five” was the largest of NASA’s Saturn series of  multistage liquid fueled heavy lift rockets. 13 S-V’s were launched, from 1967 until 1973, carrying all of the Apollo Lunar project missions and lifting the Skylab manned research station to orbit. The Saturn V is the current record holder for the heaviest payload ever launched and remains the tallest, most powerful operational rocket ever made. Read more on Everybody’s All-American Rocket, Head Transplants, And Cephalopod Cloaking Devices In This Week’s Sci-Blog…
  showboats

Newark Mayor Cory Booker Breaks Into Building, Abducts Woman Inside

Cory Booker may finally have put an end to his reign atop the infamous criminal syndicate of Newark, New Jersey, with a brazen B&E in front of multiple witnesses. The Democrat “mayor” has admitted entering a building without permission of its owners and forcibly carrying out a woman who was inside. He claims the building was “burning,” and that the woman “would die.” “I’m back here, I’m back here,” [the woman] yelled from a back bedroom, [Newark Fire Director Fateen] Ziyad was told by the mayor. After his security detail held him back, he told Ziyad, the mayor then yelled out to his guards to release him. “She is going to die, she’s going to die,” he said, and crossed the smoke and flames before grabbing the woman. Along with the security detail, Booker carried the woman in his arms through the spreading fire and smoke out of the building, Ziyad said. Read more on Newark Mayor Cory Booker Breaks Into Building, Abducts Woman Inside…
  unmanaged decline

Texas Lawmakers Notice Wildfires, Slash Funding To Firefighters

Some teabagger Republicans in the Texas legislature noticed on Newsmax or whatever that Texas is currently on fire, the whole state. And then they heard something about firefighters apparently trying to fight these catastrophic fires, which is communistic, so the Texas Forest Service will have its current low budget slashed by another third — $34 million — to teach everybody a lesson about “relying on socialist fire departments when JESUS wants your shitty tract house to burn down.” Read more on Texas Lawmakers Notice Wildfires, Slash Funding To Firefighters…
  blogger infallibility

Update! AFA Blogger Still Knows Jesus Wanted That House To Burn Down

American Family Association blogger Bryan Fischer said a couple days back that firefighters in Tennessee letting that house burn down was the “Christian thing” to do, and after we picked it up and it spread across the Internets, it turns out a lot of people, Christian and non-Christian, thought he was quite incorrect about that! But Fischer has come back on the blog (in WHITE text) to refute his communist critics, because he is CERTAIN Jesus likes to see His children suffer to make a point about government expenditure. “It’s frankly odd to see the Christian community blame the fire department for something that was somebody else’s fault. I’m used to hearing that from liberals, socialists, and Marxists, but not from followers of Christ.” This guy is the best! Read more on Update! AFA Blogger Still Knows Jesus Wanted That House To Burn Down…
  people who are dead inside

Glenn Beck Glad Some Family’s House Burnt Down, Restores Honor and Hope

If you haven’t heard the worst news of the week yet: Some Tennessee firemen sat around and watched as a family’s house burned to a crisp, because somebody forgot to pay their $75 Fireman Subscription! Glenn Beck knows that the real victim here is the fire department, which had to waste countless hours driving all the way out to this home just to watch it burn to the ground. And also obviously Glenn Beck has zero compassion for people who don’t pay their $75. This is in keeping with the noble Mormon tradition of Paying Your Dues. Joseph Smith, Jr. — the guy who found the Goldline coins inscribed with underage polygamy erotica in his backyard/invented Mormonism — would often go door-to-door, asking his neighbors to pay their “$75 Mormon Subscriptions.” Read more on Glenn Beck Glad Some Family’s House Burnt Down, Restores Honor and Hope…
  cormac mccarthy's world of fun

Today’s Major Earthquake Strikes … Indonesia (and America Will Soon Burn)

Do you live on Earth? Then you may soon be the Victim of an Earthquake! Experts say they have never seen so many goddamned earthquakes in what, three months? Does the world hate us? Just for killing all the creatures and building strip malls everywhere and digging up all the mountains to make the components for iPads? Read more on Today’s Major Earthquake Strikes … Indonesia (and America Will Soon Burn)…
  wusses

Tea Partiers Reconsider Burning Effigies Of House Speaker And Moderate Congressman

The organizers of the upcoming Danville TEAParty in Virginia were surprised that their plan to burn life-size effigies of both the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, and a moderate freshman congressman, Democrat Tom Perriello, in a massive bonfire, replete (presumably) with half-and-half cocktails of Everclear and lighter fluid, drew some attention in the Liberal Media. They are now reconsidering their protest options. Read more on Tea Partiers Reconsider Burning Effigies Of House Speaker And Moderate Congressman…
  effigies are for pussies

Randall Terry Orders, Teaches Everyone To Burn Pelosi & Reid

Violent anti-abortion galoot Randall Terry, as manifested on YouTube by this classically trained thespian, would like everyone to do something this Halloween season: form little backyard parties to burn effigies of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid (as well as any nearby pumpkins! Halloween theme!) Here is the preview of something like that, presumably inspired by the recent fantasy film Inglorious Basterds. [Washington Independent] Read more on Randall Terry Orders, Teaches Everyone To Burn Pelosi & Reid…
  romantical working weekends gone wrong

Firebug Peter Orszag Nearly Burnt Down Office

One of the lesser-known members of President Obama’s cabinet is a young hipster with clever glasses named Peter Orszag. As the budget director, he does things with numbers and money. And he has shown that despite his heavy math nerd cred, he is also capable of conversing with other humans in a pleasant manner, which makes him an invaluable Congressional negotiator. In other words, Peter Orszag is proving to be quite the catch! Except that he already tried to destroy his office. Read more on Firebug Peter Orszag Nearly Burnt Down Office…
  urban unrest

Union Station Burns!

First the riots, now the fires. Thanks a lot, Obama! Wonkette operative “Patrick W.” reports, “I guess there’s a fire inside union station RIGHT NOW, probably set by retreating tourist mobs. But don’t worry, it’s probably only garbage, that they disposed of in piles on the ground. Either that or the riots in SW have migrated very fast.” Read more on Union Station Burns!…
  america's enemies

Good-For-Nothing Firefighters Endorse Obama

Socialist villain Barack Obama has been endorsed by another group of Blame America First gay sellouts, those lazy clowns known as “America’s Firefighters.” The International Association of Fire Fighters is endorsing Obama at some fire in Las Vegas today, because the Democratic candidate thinks lazy firemen deserve “collective bargaining,” which sounds pretty communist, so that’s why John McCain is bravely against firefighters getting paid a decent wage. [CNN Political Ticker] Read more on Good-For-Nothing Firefighters Endorse Obama…
 

EEOB Inferno Revealed!

newVideoPlayer("Inferno_Snapper.flv", 475, 376);Wonkette has obtained this semi-exclusive footage of the mass chaos and simultaneous party atmosphere engendered by the fire this morning at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building. If you squint closely, we think you can indeed see shadowy figures dancing around flaming bonfires of back-up tapes and shredded files, but decide for yourself. Read more on EEOB Inferno Revealed!…
 

Updated: Executive Office Building Fire

The Eisenhower Executive Office Building (the big grey building directly west of the White House) caught on fire this morning. The Washington Post reports that it apparently started on the 3rd floor. UPDATE: WTOP is now reporting that the fire has been contained. About 1,700 people had to be evacuated, but Cheney (who was right next door at the time) didn’t even get a lungful. [Washington Post, WTOP] Read more on Updated: Executive Office Building Fire…