financial crisis

In a valiant effort to undo one of the regulatory fuckups that led to the 2007-08 financial crisis, a bipartisan group of senators has introduced a bill that would reinstate some of the provisions of the New Deal-era Glass-Steagall Act, requiring banks to separate their retail banking functions from their riskier investment activities, essentially forcing […]

Did you spend the past couple days so suspicious of the NSA that you had forgotten to set aside just a little bit of your suspicion for the banks? Don’t worry, we can fix that pretty quickly! Turns out Bank of America may have been foreclosing on homeowners who qualified for in-house loan modifications and […]

Hey remember when you lost your job and all your assets, or maybe took on tens of thousands dollars in school loans so you could pay for an education that would help you get a part-time job in retail? Remember that? That was fun, right? As you claw your way out of the hole created […]

Welcome to your Monday Wonkette Interview Post! We were fortunate enough to speak with former Special Inspector General for TARP (SIGTARP!) Neil Barofsky over the telephone, whose new memoir Bailout, recounting his stint in Washington from late 2008 until early 2010, is flying off the shelves of bookstores like the dickens. The book’s theme is, […]

Good news, bankers! Our long national nightmare of no accountability and massive golden parachutes is behind us so let there be champagne, caviar, and get out of jail free cards for all because the entire financial crisis is forgiven and we can all go back to blaming Poors and Political Correctness for causing the housing […]

Remember a long, long time ago, WAY back, when the economy was ruined, possibly forever, along with life as we know it? Remember how this was all caused by a handful of banks but then this somehow got┬áturned around and blamed on┬ábunch of Poors? And then, remember how we gave them a bunch of money […]

For many months now, people have been asking why Ken Lewis still had his job as chairman and CEO of Bank of America, and for many months the answer has been “Because,” but now we have a new answer: as of last night he is only the CEO, and who knows how much longer he’ll […]

You look at this little article by an anonymous TARP wife about how she has had to scale back on “important gifts and other necessities,” and comparing the modern banking class’s plight to intellectuals in Maoist China, and you think, wow, good thing the author chose to remain anonymous. Greenwich and environs have not yet […]

Whoops you must keep an eye on this frisky new Preznet of ours, because every time you turn your back on him he’s sneaking off to deliver another speech on the economy. So we come to this one in medias res, because that makes it more exciting and suspenseful.

OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY  12:26 pm March 10, 2009

by Jim Newell

LOOK AMERICA, WE GAVE CITIBANK A PROFIT! It’s sexytime on Wall Street today, and around the world! That’s right, a Global Stock Rally. Citigroup jumped a whole 30 percent and is now worth 1.3 shits. You know why? Because they announced that they’re having the best profit outlook for any quarter in years! HMM… we […]

Oh hey it’s that mob rule and class warfare we’ve been told so much about! A SEETHING MOB of, uh, peaceful protesters who were not arrested by police visited the homes of two “financial predators” over the weekend. Financial predators are like sexual predators, only without the sex perversions. Instead, they like to lure youngsters […]

We last heard of “Iceland” in the fall during those first exciting weeks of the Global Great Depression, when our proudly “interconnected” global economy did what it ultimately was designed to do: self-implode all at once. Since most/all of Iceland’s prosperity in the last decade was derived from a burgeoning financial sector, all of its […]

Barack Obama will have so many advisors telling him how to spend the nation’s billions! Let’s see, we’ve got this Geithner guy who financial types seem to like, and also the communist Larry Summers … who else? To answer these pressing questions, Obama will hold another press conference and respond to complicated financial inquiries with […]

Here is something weird, and thank you, First Read, for pointing this out recently: the press has already found out the identity of like half of the future Obama cabinet. And yet we have no idea who’s being vetted to fill one of the most important positions of all — Treasury Secretary. What is up […]

A thing that sucks about our nation’s current financial unpleasantness is that Congress wants to find solutions to it and Congress happens to suck. Other people who suck in this situation include Hank Paulson and “President” George Bush Jr. Barack Obama, too, for throwing himself into this situation that can only end in a sucky […]