And now we have arrived at the Awards Show portion of your New Year’s Eve, O my Wonkers. First big award, for outstanding achievement in the field of Awesomeness in a state legislature, goes to the awesomely awesome Wendy Davis, because you know exactly why. In addition to pulling off a brilliant stand-up act in […]

In this New Media hellscape, the news comes at you fast and furious. Though we probably try our best, in our mad rush to write a dozen gross jokes about Sarah Palin’s latest bedshitting incident and hit “publish” before everyone has moved on to the next stupid thing, we occasionally get something wrong. Yes, “occasionally,” […]

Like most years when there’s a Democrat in the White House, 2013 was a year of things getting rammed, crammed, jammed, shoved, and/or forced down our (America’s) throats. How big were the things? So big. Were they hard to swallow? Oh yes. But somehow, freedom will endure, we guess. Here is a list of 13 […]

In case you missed the most important news of the day because you were busy watching Sen. Harry Reid (D-Bikini Atoll) nuclear bomb the Senate — metaphorically — we bring you this extremely important story. Mark your calendars, because you will definitely want to tell your grandchildren where you were when this OUTRAGE!!!!! happened. (Trigger […]

Did you tune into C-SPAN2 this AM to watch an epic rap battle between Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell, two of the best rhetoricians the Senate has ever produced? Of course you did! Except the whole time you were just whisperyelling at your computer “do it, Harry. Do. It. DO IT AND DROP THE NUCLEAR […]

Cory Booker, welcome to the Senate. On a day better known for scary costumes, you are one good-looking piece of eye-candy that we are very excited to see more of! And you were sworn in by the only man in the Senate we would like to bone more harder, Old Handsome Joe Biden, playing his […]

Harry Reid is not perfect, as he’ll be the first to tell you. Second to tell you will be your Wonket, your Wonkette, and all of les enfants terrible who would leave comments here, if we allowed those. It’s a three-way tie of telling you second. That said, we can’t think of anyone who’s more […]

Well, kids, it looks like you have been praying to the right librul gods and goddesses after all, because we have ourselves a Festivus miracle right here in September, per Politico: Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis and her advisers have begun informing influential Democrats that she intends to run for governor in 2014, according to […]

During his 21-hour not-quite filibuster, Senator Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) warned that “Any senator who votes [to allow debate on the House continuing resolution to fund the government] is voting to give Harry Reid the authority to fund Obamacare” because, of course, once debate was allowed, then Reid could strip the language defunding Obamacare from the […]

Ted Cruz has analyzed the blueprints for Obamacare, and determined that a Derpon torpedo fired into the well of the Senate has the potential to create a chain reaction that will… um… raise funds for his 2016 presidential run, really, that’s about it. Also, we tried to think of worse attempts to sound like James […]

After sleeping and dreaming of Canadians stabbing our ears with nasal whining, we unfortunately woke up to Ted Cruz still rambling on the teevee, somewhat incoherently, about how Obamacare is the love child of a threesome between the Plague, Hitler’s mustache, and Nickleback. Because we hate ourselves and love Our Glorious Reader all too much, […]

Oh no, you guys, conservatives are having a sad! Sound the Drudge sirens and grab your teeniest tiniest little itty-bittiest violin. You see, while you were sleeping, or maybe watching paint dry because that would still be more exciting, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Canada) was having himself a staged, pre-arranged, utterly meaningless “filibuster” against Obamacare — […]

Last night, some weasel-faced Canadian read Green Eggs and Ham to the Senate. Here’s a clip of Jesse Jackson giving the book justice on SNL after Theodore Geisel died in 1991. (It’s not the full version, unfortunately; completists can find a not-great-quality version — which we could not embed, unfortunately — here.) [Read more at […]

Ok, Glorious Readers, you totally owe us like a gazzilion dollars in donations of monies and/or booze. Because we spent all yesterday afternoon and part of the evening listening to the nasaly, whiny, pompous ass monkey from Texi-Canada, Ted Cruz, mount a fake filibuster about Obamacare. IT. WAS. TEH. WORST. There were several times when […]

Texas state Senator Wendy Davis, the super filibuster lady who actually gave pro-choice voters hope for a few minutes earlier this year, announced Wednesday that she will make a formal announcement of her future plans on Oct. 3. We’re betting that the upcoming announcement has something to do with either shopping for cute shoes, making […]