Tag Archives: filibuster

  Leadership is so. hard.

Senate Republicans Sneak Abortion Stuff Into Human Trafficking Bill, Why Not?

yup, burn it
This week, the Senate tried to do something unusual — they tried to tee up a piece of bipartisan legislation called the Justice For Victims of Human Trafficking Act. Because who could be against that? Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) had hoped to bring the bill to the floor to smooth over the bad feelings he caused when he hinted last week that the Senate was going to vote on a bill to let the Senate be President of Everything Related to Iran. Democrats threatened to filibuster, so McConnell, already sick of being filibustered and embarrassed by Democrats, decided to cut his losses and bring up the bipartisan human trafficking bill instead. That would have been lovely, if it hadn’t imploded. Leadership is so hard, you guys. Read more on Senate Republicans Sneak Abortion Stuff Into Human Trafficking Bill, Why Not?…
  Democrats are the boss of them

Boehner, McConnell Bound, Gagged, Crawling To Democrats For Help, Punishment

Bourbon-swilling Republican Mitch McConnell has not been Senate majority leader for very long, but he has already learned an important lesson about how governing is kind of hard, actually. Who knew? Democrats had to tell him, four times, that they would not vote for a bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security that included a provision telling Barack Obama he is a terrible THE WORST president and cannot just run around issuing executive orders like all the other presidents, before he was like, “OK, fine, we’ll do it your way.” Read more on Boehner, McConnell Bound, Gagged, Crawling To Democrats For Help, Punishment…
  if at first you don't succeed fail fail again

GOP Has New Plan To Keep Department Of Homeland Security Open, Just Kidding

Well as long as he says it's ok
Hey, Congress, you fellas all tanned, ready, and rested after that well-deserved vacation you took last week just because you guys sure do love vacation? Great, maybe you can get back to the business of doing your job and figuring out how to keep the Department of Homeland Security up and running, since funding expires this week. Sorry that didn’t solve itself while you were on vacay! Read more on GOP Has New Plan To Keep Department Of Homeland Security Open, Just Kidding…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Time For Obama’s Presidential Menopause (Video)

Rachel Maddow kicked off her Tuesday show with some thoughts about what she calls “Presidential Menopause”: the last two years of every presidency since Reagan’s, in which presidents have to deal with an opposite-party Congress. Barack Obama is about to embark on a two-year stretch where he’ll be free of the “burden of legislating any more.” No matter what he might say, Obama knows that no major laws are going to get passed in the next two years, except of course for all the repeals of the Affordable Care Act that he’ll be vetoing on a weekly basis. But even as Obama enters this period of his presidency that “will be, shall we say, less fertile, in terms of expectations for legislation,” it’s worth noting that for all the GOP opposition, a heck of a lot of Obama’s judicial nominees have actually been confirmed, thanks in large part to last year’s rules change that allowed confirmation of non-Supreme Court nominees with a simple majority. Yay, nuclear option. Read more on Morning Maddow: Time For Obama’s Presidential Menopause (Video)…
  these sneakers were made for kicking butt

A Round Of Applause, If You Will, For Wendy Davis, Your 2013 State Legislative Badass

And now we have arrived at the Awards Show portion of your New Year’s Eve, O my Wonkers. First big award, for outstanding achievement in the field of Awesomeness in a state legislature, goes to the awesomely awesome Wendy Davis, because you know exactly why. In addition to pulling off a brilliant stand-up act in a very tough room, she also managed, in the course of those 13 hours, to become a national political figure, to make it thinkable that Texas might elect its first Democratic governor since Anne God-Bless-her Richards, and to sell a lot of pink sneakers, although the New York Times mentioned the sneakers well before they mentioned the name of the lady wearing them. Read more on A Round Of Applause, If You Will, For Wendy Davis, Your 2013 State Legislative Badass…
  wonkette regrets the error jk yolo lol

Comedy Of Errors Of Comedy: Wonkette’s Most Lamentable Mistakes Of 2013

In this New Media hellscape, the news comes at you fast and furious. Though we probably try our best, in our mad rush to write a dozen gross jokes about Sarah Palin’s latest bedshitting incident and hit “publish” before everyone has moved on to the next stupid thing, we occasionally get something wrong. Yes, “occasionally,” shut up. Here is your 2013 reminder that you should not believe a single word we say. Read more on Comedy Of Errors Of Comedy: Wonkette’s Most Lamentable Mistakes Of 2013…
  still illegal in virginia

The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013

Like most years when there’s a Democrat in the White House, 2013 was a year of things getting rammed, crammed, jammed, shoved, and/or forced down our (America’s) throats. How big were the things? So big. Were they hard to swallow? Oh yes. But somehow, freedom will endure, we guess. Here is a list of 13 tyrannies that made patriots gag in 2013: Read more on The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013…
  sandwiches

BREAKING: Cheap Moocher Joe Biden Begs For Cash To Buy Sandwiches IMPEACH!

In case you missed the most important news of the day because you were busy watching Sen. Harry Reid (D-Bikini Atoll) nuclear bomb the Senate — metaphorically — we bring you this extremely important story. Mark your calendars, because you will definitely want to tell your grandchildren where you were when this OUTRAGE!!!!! happened. (Trigger warning for outrage): Read more on BREAKING: Cheap Moocher Joe Biden Begs For Cash To Buy Sandwiches IMPEACH!…
  then he stomped downtown tokyo

What Is Even Going On With This Nuclear Option Balls-Out Filibuster Vote Thingie

Did you tune into C-SPAN2 this AM to watch an epic rap battle between Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell, two of the best rhetoricians the Senate has ever produced? Of course you did! Except the whole time you were just whisperyelling at your computer “do it, Harry. Do. It. DO IT AND DROP THE NUCLEAR OPTION HAMMER.” Yes, Harry Reid grew a pair and finally decided to change the filibuster rules so that Mitch and his merry band of nihilists couldn’t just say “naw mang, we don’t like that dude because Democrat. Consider this our filibuster while we go back and take a nap.” Majority vote, baby! Up or down like God intended. Read more on What Is Even Going On With This Nuclear Option Balls-Out Filibuster Vote Thingie…
  same senate different day

Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism

Cory Booker, welcome to the Senate. On a day better known for scary costumes, you are one good-looking piece of eye-candy that we are very excited to see more of! And you were sworn in by the only man in the Senate we would like to bone more harder, Old Handsome Joe Biden, playing his oft-overlooked role of President of the Senate. What kind of treats does the Senate have in store for you today? Well, less than an hour after being sworn in, you got to cast your first votes. But your recent victory streak came to a screeching halt, per WaPo: Senate Republicans on Thursday blocked a vote on the nomination of Rep. Mel Watt (D-N.C.) to lead the Federal Housing Finance Agency.  The Senate voted 56-42 to proceed to a vote on Watt’s nomination — shy of the 60 votes required to end debate. Welcome to the Senate, Cory, where a ‘majority’ of 42 Senators get to hold up the people’s business. Democracy is a strange thing, sometimes. Read more on Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism…
  meet the new boss

Harry Reid Is Your New Grandmaster Of Senate Chess

Harry Reid is not perfect, as he’ll be the first to tell you. Second to tell you will be your Wonket, your Wonkette, and all of les enfants terrible who would leave comments here, if we allowed those. It’s a three-way tie of telling you second. That said, we can’t think of anyone who’s more responsible for last night’s favorable resolution to the government shutdown/debt limit fiasco than Harry Reid. The Senate’s bill, passed last night by the House and signed by our benevolent dictator B. Barry Bamz, reflected Democratic preferences on the timing of the next debt limit and continuing resolution fights. Republicans also agreed to return to regular budget order, so the next time Congress guts social insurance it will be regular and orderly, thank goodness. Let’s explore how Harry Reid got us here, and why he is your latest nominee for Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Badass of the Year award, which will likely never be awarded, because we forgot. Read more on Harry Reid Is Your New Grandmaster Of Senate Chess…
  these pink shoes are made for governin

Wendy Davis Decides She Will Be Next Texas Governor, If That’s All Right With You All

Well, kids, it looks like you have been praying to the right librul gods and goddesses after all, because we have ourselves a Festivus miracle right here in September, per Politico: Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis and her advisers have begun informing influential Democrats that she intends to run for governor in 2014, according to multiple sources familiar with Davis’s conversations. Tie those laces on your pink running shoes, it looks like Abortion Barbie is gonna make some history in Texas, y’all!  Read more on Wendy Davis Decides She Will Be Next Texas Governor, If That’s All Right With You All…
  against it before he was for it before he's against it again

Ted Cruz Bravely Joins Senate In Passing Bill He Yammered Against For 21 Hours

During his 21-hour not-quite filibuster, Senator Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) warned that “Any senator who votes [to allow debate on the House continuing resolution to fund the government] is voting to give Harry Reid the authority to fund Obamacare” because, of course, once debate was allowed, then Reid could strip the language defunding Obamacare from the bill and send it back to the House. Because even if he had to stand alone, he would very definitely take his stand to stop that terrible usurpation of liberty. And then two hours after his brave failibuster, he joined the rest of the Senate, which voted 100-0 to move the bill forward. Read more on Ted Cruz Bravely Joins Senate In Passing Bill He Yammered Against For 21 Hours…
  episode II: attack of the kochs

Ted Cruz Is Not The Darth Vader Impersonator You Were Looking For

Ted Cruz has analyzed the blueprints for Obamacare, and determined that a Derpon torpedo fired into the well of the Senate has the potential to create a chain reaction that will… um… raise funds for his 2016 presidential run, really, that’s about it. Also, we tried to think of worse attempts to sound like James Earl Jones, but came up dry. We’re having a little trouble making sense of the Jedi Mind Trick that could transform Americans for Prosperity, the Cato institute, the Club for Growth, Freedomworks, the Heritage Foundation, et al. into a ragtag force of plucky Rebels. They just want to make sure that all sentient beings have the right to go bankrupt from medical bills or to be denied coverage for a pre-existing condition. Read more on Ted Cruz Is Not The Darth Vader Impersonator You Were Looking For…
  world's worst deliberative body

Are We There Yet? Ted Cruz FINALLY Shuts Up Whining About Obamacare

After sleeping and dreaming of Canadians stabbing our ears with nasal whining, we unfortunately woke up to Ted Cruz still rambling on the teevee, somewhat incoherently, about how Obamacare is the love child of a threesome between the Plague, Hitler’s mustache, and Nickleback. Because we hate ourselves and love Our Glorious Reader all too much, we continued to listen.  Read more on Are We There Yet? Ted Cruz FINALLY Shuts Up Whining About Obamacare…
  you sir are no jimmy stewart

Wingnuts Outraged At Lack Of Respect For Ted Cruz’s Fauxibuster, Unlike That Time Everyone Hearted Wendy Davis’s Actual Filibuster

Oh no, you guys, conservatives are having a sad! Sound the Drudge sirens and grab your teeniest tiniest little itty-bittiest violin. You see, while you were sleeping, or maybe watching paint dry because that would still be more exciting, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Canada) was having himself a staged, pre-arranged, utterly meaningless “filibuster” against Obamacare — not an actual bill, mind you, just Obamacare in general — filled with Nazi comparisons, completely-opposite-of-true “facts” and a stunning misinterpretation of Green Eggs and Ham. Naturally, wingnuts are outraged — outraged, we tell ya! — that the lamestream media did not show Cruz all the respect and deference it showed Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis when she held an actual filibuster against an actual bill by completely ignoring her and instead showing riveting stories about muffins. Let us now have a squiggly-lines flashback to Ladybadass Wendy Davis’s actual filibuster. Read more on Wingnuts Outraged At Lack Of Respect For Ted Cruz’s Fauxibuster, Unlike That Time Everyone Hearted Wendy Davis’s Actual Filibuster…
  he would not could not with a goat

Jesse Jackson Shows Ted Cruz How ‘Green Eggs And Ham’ Should be Read

Last night, some weasel-faced Canadian read Green Eggs and Ham to the Senate. Here’s a clip of Jesse Jackson giving the book justice on SNL after Theodore Geisel died in 1991. (It’s not the full version, unfortunately; completists can find a not-great-quality version — which we could not embed, unfortunately — here.) Read more on Jesse Jackson Shows Ted Cruz How ‘Green Eggs And Ham’ Should be Read…
  blah blah blah

Ted Cruz Has Fake Filibuster To Create B-Roll For 2016 Campaign

Ok, Glorious Readers, you totally owe us like a gazzilion dollars in donations of monies and/or booze. Because we spent all yesterday afternoon and part of the evening listening to the nasaly, whiny, pompous ass monkey from Texi-Canada, Ted Cruz, mount a fake filibuster about Obamacare. IT. WAS. TEH. WORST. There were several times when sharp objects had to be hurled from the chatcave lest we impale our ears, eyes, and any other sensory organ. We had to endure discussions about Cruz’s father washing dishes, a few references to Nazi Germany (natch), a weird tangent on White Castle, and the continued fact that Obamacare will strangle kittens in the nighttime. Gird your loins, come armed with plenty of alcohol, because we are about to walk you through the world’s worstest fakest filibuster.  Read more on Ted Cruz Has Fake Filibuster To Create B-Roll For 2016 Campaign…
  nice time!

Wendy Davis Announces She Will Announce Something, Possibly About Cute New Shoes

Texas state Senator Wendy Davis, the super filibuster lady who actually gave pro-choice voters hope for a few minutes earlier this year, announced Wednesday that she will make a formal announcement of her future plans on Oct. 3. We’re betting that the upcoming announcement has something to do with either shopping for cute shoes, making a sandwich, or running a kickass campaign for governor in 2014. Probably the shopping. Read more on Wendy Davis Announces She Will Announce Something, Possibly About Cute New Shoes…
  moment of eek

Rand Paul Likes The Filibuster Because It’s Kept Rachel Maddow Off The Supreme Court…So Far

Senator Rand Paul is finished with all this nice-time nonsense and is back to his usual workaday douchiness, going on Fox News to Randsplain the virtues of the filibuster to insufferable teevee pillock Eric Bolling. As far as it goes, Paul’s explanation of why the filibuster is loved by whatever party is in the minority is accurate enough — it allows them to dig their heels in and stop a majority from passing stuff they don’t like — but the conversation drives straight into nutsoland when the two get to examples. For instance, Bolling says, were it not for the filibuster, Senate Republicans would have no way of preventing a wholesale takeover of the government by the staff of MSNBC: …frankly, if you didn’t have a filibuster, what would stop President Obama from appointing say Al Sharpton as attorney general or Rachel Maddow on the Supreme Court? To which Paul agreed that “an extremist like that” could easily be confirmed without the filibuster, because somehow there are no hearings or other mechanisms to keep teevee people off the Supreme Court. This entire conversation is stupid anyway. Any fool knows that Rachel Maddow would head the Department of Education or something nerdy like Energy. The Supreme Court is more of a Chris Hayes place. Read more on Rand Paul Likes The Filibuster Because It’s Kept Rachel Maddow Off The Supreme Court…So Far…
  comity central

Filibuster Madness: The Cloturing

Thanks to a last-minute deal, the Senate will not go nuclear. Hurrah! Saved until the next filibuster crisis! Which will probably be next Thursday or something. In return for Republican agreement to finally confirm five nominees they’ve been blocking FOR EVER, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will not try to eliminate the filibuster for executive-branch appointments, and also has to let Republicans sit at the good table in the Senate cafeteria for the next month. Read more on Filibuster Madness: The Cloturing…