Rich Lowry vs. Matt Latimer, this is so on! The ONE TIME Rich Lowry goes to work and puts on his bowler hat and three piece suit and pretends to be a newspaper-man, Matt Latimer, former Bush speechwriter/social chair of Mars’ douchiest fraternity, refuses to answer any of Lowry’s broadsheet journalism media questions! “Matt Latimer, isn’t the fact that you’re in a pederastic relationship with Donald Rumsfeld—and the fact that you’re currently helping him write his own memoir—call into question your favorable characterization of said human?” Lowry asked within the pages of his forgotten reactionary quarto, “Corner.” Now watch Matt Latimer defer to a mid-range Roomba named “Kevin Kellems.” MORE »

One is not born an enemy of Christopher Hitchens, one becomes one. Take the nascent case of a one Adrian Wooldridge, who’s parading around town with his new book, God Is Back, all about how God is back! Adrian Wooldridge has a world of Slate columns originally scribbled in pink highlighter on Andrew Sullivan’s bathroom floor tiles coming his way. Sad. MORE »

Jesus Christ, Caroline Kennedy: next time you think about running for any office (/harassing blind people for Senate jobs), just ignore it and throw a fundraiser for poor illiterate kids or whatever instead? Her surprise dropout yesterday, once she realized that she was out of her element and/or NOT THE PICK, has taken yet another hilarious and tragic twist that probably could have been avoided: Ted Kennedy is mad at some of her people for blaming her exit on Ted’s “declining health,” as in, Caroline had no idea just how bad her uncle’s RAREST AND MOST DEADLIEST POSSIBLE FORM OF BRAIN CANCER was until he started floppin’ around at that luncheon Tuesday. Ted and his people obviously want to be kept out of this terrible failure’s failure, and also don’t want her screwing up his work in the Senate, which he attends once every six months for a “victory lap.” MORE »

• IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE PUMA BLOG: “Oh, and BTW, Wonkette readers, someday, if you’re lucky, you will live long enough to be old. Your tits will sag, your scrotums will lose their perky tautness and young, stupid adolescent males will make fun of you, unless, of course, the PUMAs make them insignificant. Someday, you may thank us.” Jesus, do you type to your mother with those hands? What does this even mean? Our tits (they’ll have to be yours by default, Sara, sorry) will get saggy and then adolescent males will make fun of us until PUMA KILLS ALL OF THE ADOLESCENT MALES ON EARTH? These people should be in prison. [Confluence]

Hey MIKE HUCKABEE, Mittens “Willard” Romney sees your new book’s disparaging excerpts directed at him and raises you a brisk retort through “Eric” the traveling spokesman! “This type of pettiness is beneath Mike Huckabee… If we’re going to move the party forward, we need to offer more than personal recriminations. Unfortunately, in this book, Mike Huckabee is consumed with presumed slights, and he seems more interested in settling scores than in bringing people together.” Tragically, the “Mitt Camp” is in the right here and will score some 2012 Points on this. A windfall for Mittens! Well howdy doo about that. MORE »

Kitty Kelley’s wrath knows no bounds! She got pissed because her neighbor in Georgetown, Candyce Martin, undertook a big (messy, noisy) renovation this summer and even though the renovation is actually over, Kitty’s still feeling, um, catty. So she snuck next door under the cover of night and fucked up Candyce’s landscaping. Mature, right? Also, kinda stupid because Candyce had installed some security cameras. The whole thing’s reportedly on tape on Candyce’s lawyer’s office, in case Kitty goes on the prowl again. [Yeas & Nays]

We know, we know, we have absolute faith that some aspect of the John Roberts confirmation hearings is exciting. That aspect is probably happening underneath the desk. (Has everyone been keeping their eyes on where Biden’s hands are? He really likes himself, you know. Then again, Biden does most of his masturbating on camera.) MORE »