Tag Archives: fetus jar

  flotus files

Michelle Obama Suddenly a Feminist, Hosts Abortion-Themed Luncheon

Over the past few weeks it has become increasingly clear that Michelle Obama will be forever remembered as the “First Lady of Stealing Everybody’s Money to Go on Vacation, Constantly and Without Remorse.” This will not change, no matter how many reasons there are to support her claim that she went to Africa for “official business” or to “empower young people.” But our FLOTUS does not actually care about this, because while everyone else is screaming and crying at the image of Michelle Obama appearing on the screen at the local Applebee’s, Michelle Obama is having sneaky quinceañera-style abortion fiestas with all her best librul girlfriends. Read more on Michelle Obama Suddenly a Feminist, Hosts Abortion-Themed Luncheon…
  necrophilia

Why He Runs: Rick Santorum’s Own ‘Fetus Jar’ Story

It’s been some time since Rick Santorum has been relevant to politics (NOTE: he still isn’t), so it’s easy to forget the stupid things he’s said about his main issues, protecting the fetuses and attacking the gays. Here’s something we forgot about: Santorum has his very own fetus story, but unlike Barbara Bush, when his wife miscarried in 1996, they didn’t stick the thing in a jar and put it on display. Santorum wrapped the dead fetus in a blanket, took it out of the hospital, and “spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel [the fetus] with his three siblings.” Sure, a miscarriage is a sad and rather strange experience for anyone to suffer, but, uh: “They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass.” That should be a cute family album to show primary voters! What kind of clothes did they dress it up in? Did they make the fetus the altar boy? Read more on Why He Runs: Rick Santorum’s Own ‘Fetus Jar’ Story…
  can 'em if you got 'em

The Year In Fetuses and Their Jars

Can you believe it’s been nearly 38 years since Roe v. Wade was settled? That’s the lifetimes of like two and a half Justin Biebers. So it should come as no surprise that we still have to hear about this thing day in and day out, yes? Good, because that’s the case. Fetuses did not do much themselves this year, but former fetuses, people who think they still know what it’s like to be a young fetus today, did. Among them, of course, was the Bush family, who let us know about the amusing time Barbara had a miscarriage and the fetus was stuffed in a jar that was then stuffed in George W.’s face, still warm. This is always such a fun issue. Read more on The Year In Fetuses and Their Jars…
  halloween

Barbara Bush: I Wasn’t the One Who Put the Fetus In the Jar

Here’s a shocking twist in the Fetusjargate story: Larry King got Barbara Bush ON THE RECORD about putting her fetus in a jar and parading it around the house for George W. and everyone else to see. According to Barbara, “memories dim a little bit,” and the story Bush wrote in his book isn’t true. Now we can all rest easy, knowing that there never was a fetus jar centerpiece on the Bush family dining-room table, right? No. “Paula put it in the jar. And I was shocked when she gave it to him,” said Barbara. Jesus Christ, this is worse! Paula? Read more on Barbara Bush: I Wasn’t the One Who Put the Fetus In the Jar…
  pillow talk

George W. Bush Told Gordon Brown He Would Have Endorsed Obama

That whole Barbara Bush fetus jar thing from yesterday really screwed up her son’s mind, so much so that in 2008, during the buildup to the general election, he told former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and a group of dignitaries he would have endorsed Barack Obama if Obama’s people had asked him. And that he “probably won’t even vote for” McCain. Is this because Bush was mad at McCain for having the GALL to compete for the Republican nomination in 2000? Or is it because the man’s mental capacities were permanently damaged by the trauma of his mother having shoved that fetus jar in his face — and the years of subsequent alcohol addiction — and was genuinely confused to which party he belonged? Read more on George W. Bush Told Gordon Brown He Would Have Endorsed Obama…