Tag Archives: feminism

  Bring Back Menstrual Huts Too

Phyllis Schlafly Says Just Get Married, Ladies, And End Rape And Violence Forever

Logically consistent since 1964
Veteran riot provocateur Phyllis Schlafly has a simple solution to two problems at once: If women are so all-fired worried about sexual assault and domestic violence, then they darn well better hurry up and get married instead of pursuing a career, since both rape and domestic abuse are caused by women having jerbs. Now, sure, even married men are still animals, but far less so, since a woman’s touch calms them down a whole lot. Schlafly cleared all this up during her weekly radio program last Thursday: Read more on Phyllis Schlafly Says Just Get Married, Ladies, And End Rape And Violence Forever…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Republicans Are Terrible At The Internet, PolitiFact Kills Irony, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Good morning, sunshines! Want to know what you missed while you were sleeping? Too bad, we’re going to tell you anyway. Republicans are terrible at the internet. TERRIBLE. And now they have a real hip new video game, circa 1981, to really show them Democrats what’s what. And yes, it’s Atari-compatible. We think. Read more on Republicans Are Terrible At The Internet, PolitiFact Kills Irony, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Sore Loser Mitt Romney Is Still Sore Loser, Lesbian Feminists Will Destroy Us All, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Still not president
Yes, it’s Friday. You’re welcome. Sore loser Mitt Romney is still sore loser: “I was not a big fan of the president’s policies, as you know, either domestically or internationally,” Romney said, according to Fox News. “But the results of his mistakes and errors, in my opinion, have been more severe than even I would have predicted.” Read more on Sore Loser Mitt Romney Is Still Sore Loser, Lesbian Feminists Will Destroy Us All, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Dames These Days

NY Post Writer Wonders Why Dumb Broads Can’t Take A Compliment (Also: Nipples)

The New York Post’s Doree Lewak considers herself a funny gal, with her humor recalling a more enlightened time when “gal” was the preferred nomenclature. So we apologize in advance if Lewak’s paean to wolf whistles, “Hey Ladies — catcalls are flattering! Deal with it,” in yesterday’s Post was a new and highly advanced form of satire that we simply don’t understand. We will allow you to judge for yourselves. Read more on NY Post Writer Wonders Why Dumb Broads Can’t Take A Compliment (Also: Nipples)…
  Liberte Egalite Aborte

France To Abort Everyone For Free Now, Pretty Much

Something seems a little off here...
France is enacting a new abortion law that seems aimed at reinforcing every possible rightwing American stereotype of that country, except perhaps for surrendering in a war: It amends the country’s current law, which allows abortion only if a pregnant women can prove “distress.” The new law also bans any attempt to restrict women from getting information about abortion services. The National Assembly voted in January to change the law, despite the country’s Roman Catholic majority. The Minister for Women’s Rights, Najat Vallaud-Belkacem, said during debate that “abortion is a right in itself and not something that is allowed subject to conditions.” Read more on France To Abort Everyone For Free Now, Pretty Much…
  the little scan in the boat

Jon Stewart Finally Addresses Japan’s Pussy Boat Crisis (Video)

Jon Stewart brings us the story of Megumi Igarashi, a Japanese artist who was arrested on suspicion of breaking obscenity laws when she tried to sell 3D printouts of her vulva (let’s be precise, OK?) to help crowdsource a project to build a kayak built from a much larger 3D printout of her ladygarden. Why, yes, it IS Friday. Read more on Jon Stewart Finally Addresses Japan’s Pussy Boat Crisis (Video)…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Meet The Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary!

Don’t you just hate feminism? Of course you do. Feminism is so old-timey and unnecessary and also very mean to men because when women say stuff — like “That sportsball star raped the shit out of me” or “Hey, Mr. Boss Man Sir, why are you paying me less than my male colleagues, HUH?” — it really hurts their feelings. Like, really a lot. Sure, maybe we might have sort of needed feminism, like, a thousand years ago or whenever the first wave of feminism started, who knows, history is a man thing, and I don’t like to crowd my lady brain space with man things because I’m a lady, goddamnit, I’d much rather let men keep track of that stuff so I can focus on SHOOOOOOOOES. But look. We get to vote. We’ve been able to have credit in our very own lady names for a whole 40 years. We have the right to go to doctors (sometimes) and receive Jesus-approved health care (sometimes), and all we have to do is listen to some sidewalk counseling about how we are murdering babies like the baby-murdering whores we are, which is TOTALLY not a big deal at all, so long as those sidewalk counselors don’t try to kill us or our doctors, but hey, if we didn’t want to be killed, we wouldn’t be there in the first place, and you know how freedom isn’t free so it is definitely totally not a big deal at all. Fortunately, for the stupid feminists out there who just do not get why feminism is bad, there is a hot new trend on the internets of ladies fighting against ladies who fight for ladies. Let’s call them the Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary — or Lamers for short. Read more on Meet The Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary!…
  You Say "Te Deum" We Say "Tedium"

Catholic Mommy Bloggers Explain Why They Don’t Like Or Understand Birth Control

Another good reason to use birth control
A couple weeks back, Buzzfeed posted photos of its employees explaining why they used birth control. It’s a lot of the old, tired “I deserve a say in what happens to my body and my life,” and “I take birth control for my endometriosis” blah-blah-blah we’ve come to expect from the man-hatin’ pro-abortion left. Well, the mommy bloggers at Catholic Sistas weren’t going to take this Buzzfeed thing lying down, if you catch our drift, and we think you do. They posted their own “Why I Don’t Use Birth Control” piece, and it is just a barrel full of monkeys. Read more on Catholic Mommy Bloggers Explain Why They Don’t Like Or Understand Birth Control…
  edgy political satire

Hilarious O’Reilly Pal Jesse Watters Gets Dainty Fashionable Boot Up Ass At N.O.W. Convention

Insufferable smugbunny Jesse Watters, who does innovative comedy clips involving record-scratch sound effects for The O’Reilly Factor, scored some major ha-has at the 2014 National Organization for Women (NOW) conference in Albuquerque before he was booted by security for not having a press pass. Get this: he offended one lady by calling her a “gal!” Watters also scored major points against the silly little “feminist” movement by starting the segment with Helen Reddy’s embarrassingly-dated 70’s anthem “I Am Woman,” because come on, do women even NEED an organization anymore? And then he made some hilarious jokes about so-called “War on Women,” asking if any of the ladies at the convention had been wounded, or if he’d be issued a weapon if he signed up, and even asking NOW president Patricia Ireland to feel his manly bicep muscle to see if he’s tough enough to fight. Get it? That there is some high-concept comedy riffing. Why don’t feminists just lighten up and stop being such man-hating sourpusses, huh? Read more on Hilarious O’Reilly Pal Jesse Watters Gets Dainty Fashionable Boot Up Ass At N.O.W. Convention…
  You Got Your Ist In My Ism

I Am Mad About A Thing: A Sneak Preview

[Content Note: Welcome to the inaugural post of my new series, I Am Mad About A Thing, in which, as the most astute of readers may have surmised, I string words together to express to you, in ways that hopefully will entertain and delight you, and if not, well, go fuck yourself, I wasn’t talking to you anyway, that I Am Mad About A ThingTM. I am not even supposed to start being Mad About A Thing until I return from my vacation, but I am so Mad About A Thing that I have interrupted my vacation to be Mad About A Thing, so my second column will probably be about how mad I am about that time I interrupted my vacation to be Mad About A Thing.] Read more on I Am Mad About A Thing: A Sneak Preview…
  another box of dildos

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why All The Hatin’ On MRAs, Wonkette Dude?

We have nine million comments backed up in the queue, and they are just precious! We will make an effort to bring you as many of these “real characters” as we can in the next few installments of yr Dear Shitferbrains. Let’s see what frothy goodness the internet has left lapping up against the sides of our comment holding tank, shall we? To start with, we heard from a number of Men’s Rights Advocates who were quite put out indeed by our story Wednesday about an MRA group that crowdfunded $25,000 for extra security at a dumb convention they’re having in Detroit, because the hotel required them to have it, citing unspecified threats it had received. Our story did not sit well with would-be commenter “ARenMan,” who called us out on our unspeakable double standards: Oh! But if a big scary man looks at my boobs #YesAllMen But if feminists make terrorists make death threats against a legal, peaceful gathering . . . um . . . #YesAllMen Darn those well-organized feminist terrorists! Now, we of course do not think death threats are a laughing matter, at least depending on spelling. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why All The Hatin’ On MRAs, Wonkette Dude?…
  blast from the past

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, This Guy Is From Stupid

Remember 20 years ago when everyone was inexplicably reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and we had to pretend that it was chock full of insight and author John Gray was on every last television show ever and then he went and wrote like one million more books with “Mars” and “Venus” and people bought them because the human race is dumb? Yeah, apparently he never went away, and now he’s just creeping around the Southern Hemisphere talkin’ ’bout how those ladies from Venus are wrecking everything with their feminism. Read more on Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, This Guy Is From Stupid…
  back in suffragette city

‘Historian': If You Let Women Vote, Next They Will Drive Roadsters And Smoke Virginia Slims

It’s been a little while since we’ve checked in with America’s Worst “Historian,” David Barton; last time we talked about him was in November, when he was explaining the science of how Abortion causes climate change. Following that detour into the sciences, he seems to have returned to his primary field of study, lying about American history. On his exciting “Wallbuilders Live” podcast Thursday — which you should listen to if only for the red-white-and-bluegasm theme song, complete with fighter jet flyover — Barton made up a nice story about why women weren’t given the vote when the Constitution was written: It’s because the Founders wanted to preserve the American family, which would be riven by strife if women were allowed to vote differently from their husbands. How very true this might be, if only you close your eyes and wish hard enough! Read more on ‘Historian': If You Let Women Vote, Next They Will Drive Roadsters And Smoke Virginia Slims…
  the me decade

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks In Leisure Suit Denial

Happy 420 Easter (also unfortunately Hitler’s birthday), everyone! This week, a bit of a surprise: we had anticipated that our textbooks for the Christian-school market would lead off their discussion of the 1970s with a lot of excuses and soft-pedaling of Watergate, perhaps depicting it as the destruction of a good man by radicals in the liberal media. But we were wrong! There’s almost nothing in their coverage of Watergate that you wouldn’t find in a secular text. Once we got over being puzzled, it occurred to us that these texts are both products of the 1980s’ Moral Majority/Reaganite camp, and so of course they’d have no particular reason to whitewash Watergate — Nixon wasn’t their kind of Republican anyway, so there wasn’t much incentive to try to rehabilitate him in a textbook. Besides, the real fun will come after 1976, when they can bash Jimmy Carter and hail the Advent of Reagan. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks In Leisure Suit Denial…
  ugly vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Do Liberals Hate Sarah Palin But Love Gay Graham Crackers?

In lieu of a Derp Roundup this week, we bring you a special weekend edition of Dear Shitferbrains, leading off with this very important observation from “bmmg39″ in response to our Clipbait piece about Sarah Palin’s appearance in a sketch on The Tonight Show. We’d said that it wasn’t terrible, that she had one good line, and that she surprised us by agreeing to participate in a gag about how close Russia and Alaska are. And so, of course, bmmg39 told us off for being so unreasonably hateful: I’m not sure what’s more entertaining: Palin’s appearance on T.T.S., or watching the “tolerant left” completely lose its [mind] over said appearance. Fallon can have on the president, the first lady, and countless other Democrats and “progressives,” but the minute he has on someone they don’t like he goes on their boycott list. It’s both hilarious and a little sad. Strangely, while there were certainly a number of comments (how did those even get there?) from people who said — sometimes with colorful epithets — that they didn’t like seeing Palin on Fallon’s show, nobody said a single thing about boycotting Fallon because of it. Odd, this rightwing reading comprehension. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Do Liberals Hate Sarah Palin But Love Gay Graham Crackers?…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart & Kristen Schaal Take ‘Princeton Mom’ Susan Patton’s Advice, Find Men In College

March is Women’s History Month, so Jon Stewart celebrates (and tapes an episode in advance without referencing today’s news) with this special feature on women’s equality, and why there’s too much of it, as articulated by Susan Patton, the lady who advised college women to snare a man while they’re still dewy-eyed, fresh, and adorable. And who better to give a Princeton Mom story the in-depth analysis it so richly deserves than the dewy, adorable Kristen Schaal? She knows exactly how seriously to take advice like “Girls who know that they are on their last pint of nubile fuel should go into overdrive to find a husband and start a family.” Read more on Jon Stewart & Kristen Schaal Take ‘Princeton Mom’ Susan Patton’s Advice, Find Men In College…
  #voxpitches

Attention School Districts: Camille Paglia Does Not Care For Your Sex-Ed Condoms And Gaydoctrination

Sometimes we worry that we’re turning into old weird Camille Paglia. “YOU ARE CRIMINALIZING THE MALE ESSENCE!!!!1!” we shriek when girls go, “he whistled at me, I am malegazeraped, waah.” So it is good to know we are not turning into Camille Paglia, since she is now sexplaining why sex ed should be more prude. Read more on Attention School Districts: Camille Paglia Does Not Care For Your Sex-Ed Condoms And Gaydoctrination…
  virgin/whore but mostly whore

Wingnut Columnist Matt Barber Decides Feminism Means ‘Please Rape Me.’

There’s this useful phrase, “Not even wrong,” used to indicate an argument that so completely and sloppily misses the point being discussed that it can’t even be assessed as an argument — for instance, a creationist who asks if evolution is real, why don’t we see dogs giving birth to leopards, huh? Not only is that question not right, that’s not even wrong. We mention this because we’re going to be taking a look at the latest brilliant thoughts by crazed WND columnist Matt Barber, who applies his critical thinking skills to a Salon think-piece by Katie McDonough and manages to completely refute something that has no resemblance to anything McDonough actually says. It’s actually rather impressive how thoroughly not even wrong Barber manages to be. Read more on Wingnut Columnist Matt Barber Decides Feminism Means ‘Please Rape Me.’…
  Sad face nice time

Why We Will Miss Nelson Mandela In A Feministy Way

We are still having sads that Nelson Mandela, who was a far better human being than all of us combined times 12, died on Thursday. He was a genuine, good-hearted badass who pissed off all the right people. Ronald Reagan? Check. Dick Cheney? Check. Jesse Helms? Check. And he was also a genuine, good-hearted feminist badass, as Erin Gloria Ryan femsplained at Jezebel. He fought for a Women’s Bill of Rights. He fought for free health care for children and pre- and post-natal care for their mothers. Also too this: Mandela was key in promoting the adoption of the Constitution of the Republic of South Africa in 1997, which contained passages guaranteeing gender equality and prohibiting sexual discrimination. Seriously, go read the whole thing right now, but then come back here because you will definitely want to know about this other thing he did in 1996. Read more on Why We Will Miss Nelson Mandela In A Feministy Way…
  go to jail go directly to jail

Politico Puts Michelle Obama In Mommy-Wars/Bad-Feminist Jail

Michelle Obama, you are UNDER ARREST on the charges of being a BAD FEMINIST! You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will lead you to be fucked if you do and fucked if you don’t. You have the right to an attorney, if you can even find one, since all the attorneys are hairy-legged spinster career womyn from Wellesley who hate women who give up their cool jobs to be “mom in chief” and also want to murder them probably, and no jury would ever convict. What’s up, Michelle Cottle writing at Politico? Do you got some feminists to pit against some other feminists, to call each other bad feminists? Oh boy, we CANNOT WAIT. [The higher education gap], finally, was an issue worthy of the Ivy-educated, blue-chip law firm-trained first lady, a departure from the safely, soothingly domestic causes she had previously embraced. Gardening? Tending wounded soldiers? Reading to children? “She essentially became the English lady of the manor, Tory Party, circa 1830s,” feminist Linda Hirshman says. Oh, we get it! Linda Hirshman is a giant asshole! Read more on Politico Puts Michelle Obama In Mommy-Wars/Bad-Feminist Jail…
  my little phony: patriarchy is magic

Anti-Gay Anti-Girl Crackpot ‘Quiverfull’ Leader Resigns Following Affair, And Also It’s Tuesday

Happy Blowvember, everyone! Yet another rightwing “pro family” leader has  resigned after an extramarital affair; this time around, it’s Douglas Phillips, former president of “Vision Forum Ministries.” In a seriously icky resignation statement, Phillips writes There has been serious sin in my life for which God has graciously brought me to repentance. I have confessed my sin to my wife and family, my local church, and the board of Vision Forum Ministries. I engaged in a lengthy, inappropriate relationship with a woman. While we did not “know” each other in a Biblical sense, it was nevertheless inappropriately romantic and affectionate. “Inappropriately romantic and affectionate,” eh? We’re guessing “road head.” Because it’s Blowvember after all. Then again, is it inappropriately romantic to do it in the butt? Read more on Anti-Gay Anti-Girl Crackpot ‘Quiverfull’ Leader Resigns Following Affair, And Also It’s Tuesday…
  you know who else liked day care? joanie caucus

Family Research Council Fears Preschool Education Camps Where Tots Will Learn Shapes, Colors, Atheism

The nutballs at the Family Research Council are worried about the feminazi socialist revolution that might result if early childhood education is expanded, because they know that the real goal is not to prepare children for school, but actually to get the Government’s hooks in their tender minds and destroy the family. Again. Read more on Family Research Council Fears Preschool Education Camps Where Tots Will Learn Shapes, Colors, Atheism…