fema
FEMA: Razed Houses In Alabama Have ‘Insufficient Damage’ To Receive Funds
A family in Alabama whose house was completely leveled, squashed, shredded, and blown apart (in that order) by one of the nation’s endless tornado rampages got a creepy letter from incompetent bureaucrat holding pen FEMA saying that, after inspection, their home was deemed to have “insufficient damage” to qualify for FEMA funds. Could you please […]
House Republicans Were Just Trying To Cut Tsunami Monitoring, of Course
As tsunami waves from the Japan earthquake begin to hit Hawaii and are on their way to our West Coast, the federal government has been closely monitoring the situation at the Pacific Tsunami Warning Center and is issuing advisories to those affected as necessary. Luckily, they aren’t anticipating major damage. The United States is able […]
New Orleans Evicts Remaining Toxic FEMA Trailer Dwellers
From the noble Brownstones of Brooklyn to the hilltop villas of Malibu that fall onto incoming traffic whenever there’s a mudslide, America is full of architectural gems. So it’s rather worrisome that New Orleans officials are planning to rid their city of the last remaining FEMA trailers — national treasures which are widely recognized as […]
Fox News Encourages Old Poor People To Try ‘Photoshop’
Cable channel Fox News needs content for its website, but of course Fox News stories consist of some video clips from a space movie, a weird chart with random numbers, and a couple of words like “socialist.” Tough to turn that into a few paragraphs on a web page. And that’s why America’s sad old […]
Michelle Obama Hooking Kids On Organics
Chicago crime boss Michelle Obama wasted no time turning the once-pristine White House grounds into a foul “organic garden” filled with marijuana and other arugula. Children from a local elementary school were shipped over in FEMA trailers and forced to sample the “good for you” delicacies. In other words, the first harvest from the Nobama […]
FEMA Censors Weird 9/11 Coloring Book, For Kids!
For god knows how many years, the evil shadow government FEMA had this weird terror-coloring booklet, for kids, available as a fun PDF download. Then, due to …. hmm, body bags? Domestic concentration camps? Formaldehyde trailers? Black Oil? Bees? Let’s say bees ….
BROWNIE EVACUATES DISASTER ZONE: Former FEMA head Michael Brown does one thing and does it well, and that’s getting himself as far as possible from natural disasters and straight to a safely distant Tex-Mex chain restaurant for appletinis and “bacon sliders.” Wildfires in Boulder? Michael Brown must be haulin’ ass. [Colorado Independent]
Laura Bush Will Save The Publishing Industry Forever
America has the most guns per capita of anywhere, ever, including Yemen! Yemen. A full 89 out of 100 people own firearms. [Andrew Sullivan] Obama is going to revamp FEMA by hiring some Clinton staffer who already fixed the thing eight years ago and left just before Michael Brown destroyed both FEMA and New Orleans […]
Old FEMA Coot Beats Up Guy With Golf Club, In Iowa
So Iowa is underwater forever, and to the nation’s shock, FEMA has sent out emergency response teams — to help! This is only the second time in world history that FEMA has helped anyone, the other being the time they released that “How To Deal With Satellites That Crash Into Your Skull” manual. Perhaps they […]
