Tag: fema

Arizona Senate Passes Dumb Bill To Protect Citizens From Obama’s Plot To Nuke America

The Arizona Senate voted Thursday to approve a bill aimed at one of the pet obsessions of preppers and Obama conspiracy theorists. The proposal would require the Department of Emergency and Military Affairs to develop and issue recommendations for how...

Georgia Militia Dudes Arrested Trying To Buy Bombs; Sadly, No Dildos Or Tranny* Porn

Oh, hai there, militia guys, how goes the Second American Revolution these days? Not so great, huh, what with getting arrested just for trying to buy some pipe bombs and thermite grenades? Bummer. These three super-Patriot militia guys from...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Slog Through The Slushpile

Welcome to a Gummint Shutdown Edition of the Derp Roundup, your weekly accumulation of asinine asshattery from the aether that was too stoopid to ignore completely but that we weren't inclined to waste a full-length post on. To start...

Senate Approves Sandy Relief, Senate Still Littered With Bastards

The United States Senate voted last night to approve $60 billion in relief for communities affected by Hurricane Sandy — money that was evidently counted by hand, because Hurricane Sandy was three stinking months ago. The vote passed with 62...

Mitt Romney, With A Week To Think About It: Only A Crazy Person Would Try To Privatize FEMA!

His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, having had a week to formulate an answer to a rather pertinent question that stupid "reporters" just would not stop asking him, has finally decided what his stance on FEMA is. Are...

Michael Brown On Sandy: Why The Big Hurry? It’s Only A Hurricane, Not Benghazi

Yes, yes, we know: this story, like so much hurricane wreckage, is starting to grow mold already. But let's pause a moment to give incompetent former FEMA director Michael Brown his due: with his insanely stupid suggestion that the...

Steve King Off Message About GOP’s Specific Plans To Screw Over Disaster Victims

Mitt Romney is the current GOP nominee for president, which means that, for the next six days, he's the head of the Republican party. We're pretty sure that's in the Constitution? Anyway, in the wake of the hurricane that's...

Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management

As Click & Clack will tell you, it's the stingy man who ends up paying most, and apparently it's as true of governing as car repairs! And apparently also, Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, was quite the Scrooge...

Mitt Romney Iz In Ur Hurricane, Privatizin Ur FEMA

Hello to all of you in the Eastern third of this great country, currently hoarding boxes of wine and tarp and more boxes of wine in order to hopefully get through Frankenstorm without killing your loved ones in a...

Feds Cutting Back On Nuclear Power Plant Safety Because Honestly, Why Bother

The last few years has been pretty much a nonstop ride of positive safety PR for the nuclear power industry, right? I mean, this is an technology that absorbed an enormous earthquake and tsunami and barely even killed...

Rick Perry Remembers He Hadn’t Yet Blamed Feds For Texas Wildfires

Texas, Texas, burning down, where o where can the federal government be found? Rick "just secede already" Perry is all bent out of shape because, God, these idiots, the feds are too busy with their red tape to help...

Nostalgic Ron Paul Remembers His Favorite Early 20th Century Disasters

Oh goody, what's that crazy old Ron Paul yammering on about this time? Someone told him there's a hurricane-a-comin' and he just rolled his eyes thinking about how FEMA is going to come in and just plain old ruin...

Mitt Romney Says Helping America’s Tornado Victims Is ‘Immoral’

Tornadoes and floods and wildfires and droughts and other biblical plagues have been killing Americans and destroying their towns all year long, but constipated mannequin Mitt Romney wants to be seen as a real tough-guy Tea Party asshole these...

Legislators Spending More On Travel Than Before Recession

Here is a good use legislators have found for taxpayer money: more congressional travel, millions and millions of dollars of it! It's not like we weren't just hearing about how maybe some of those disaster victims in Missouri needed...

FEMA: Razed Houses In Alabama Have ‘Insufficient Damage’ To Receive Funds

A family in Alabama whose house was completely leveled, squashed, shredded, and blown apart (in that order) by one of the nation's endless tornado rampages got a creepy letter from incompetent bureaucrat holding pen FEMA saying that, after inspection,...

House Republicans Were Just Trying To Cut Tsunami Monitoring, of Course

As tsunami waves from the Japan earthquake begin to hit Hawaii and are on their way to our West Coast, the federal government has been closely monitoring the situation at the Pacific Tsunami Warning Center and is issuing advisories...