fema

OUR NEW MEDIA ECONOMY  11:46 am March 31, 2010

Fox News Encourages Old Poor People To Try ‘Photoshop’

by Ken Layne

Cable channel Fox News needs content for its website, but of course Fox News stories consist of some video clips from a space movie, a weird chart with random numbers, and a couple of words like “socialist.” Tough to turn that into a few paragraphs on a web page. And that’s why America’s sad old [...]

HORRIBLE NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENTS  3:35 pm March 12, 2010

Buy One Of FEMA’s Toxic Slimy Death Cubes For Super Cheap! BUY TWO!

by Jim Newell

Residential real estate is back! “In a giant auction, the federal government has agreed to sell for pennies on the dollar most of the 120,000 formaldehyde-tainted trailers it bought nearly five years ago for Hurricane Katrina victims… Besides formaldehyde, units may be plagued by mold, mildew and propane gas leaks, FEMA acknowledged.” Well, our dizzying, [...]

MICHELE BACHMANN WAS RIGHT  1:11 pm December 2, 2009

Disgusted by Everybody’s Complaining, Barack Obama Puts America In FEMA Death Camp

by Ken Layne

This country may no longer be “Number One” in anything important — manufacturing, education, innovation, hot chicks, architecture, infrastructure, wealth, health, spaceships, etc. — but the U.S.A. still leads the world in whining like a special needs titty baby about EVERYTHING, all the time.

BLOOD HARVEST  11:09 am June 17, 2009

Michelle Obama Hooking Kids On Organics

by Ken Layne

Chicago crime boss Michelle Obama wasted no time turning the once-pristine White House grounds into a foul “organic garden” filled with marijuana and other arugula. Children from a local elementary school were shipped over in FEMA trailers and forced to sample the “good for you” delicacies. In other words, the first harvest from the Nobama [...]

LOLWUT?  1:53 pm April 29, 2009

FEMA Censors Weird 9/11 Coloring Book, For Kids!

by Ken Layne

For god knows how many years, the evil shadow government FEMA had this weird terror-coloring booklet, for kids, available as a fun PDF download. Then, due to …. hmm, body bags? Domestic concentration camps? Formaldehyde trailers? Black Oil? Bees? Let’s say bees ….

MASTER OF DISASTER  3:14 pm March 4, 2009

Obama Picks Florida Person To Run Hurricaines

by Ken Layne

FEMA is the secretive X-Files agency that builds the Concentration Camps for American poors who will somehow be fattened up even more so the Space Monsters can have food and also get diabetes. But in tragic reality, FEMA is just this inept federal agency that makes sure shit goes very wrong whenever there’s a hurricane. [...]

FORGETTABLE BUSH ADMINISTRATION FIGURES  2:34 pm January 8, 2009

by Jim Newell

BROWNIE EVACUATES DISASTER ZONE: Former FEMA head Michael Brown does one thing and does it well, and that’s getting himself as far as possible from natural disasters and straight to a safely distant Tex-Mex chain restaurant for appletinis and “bacon sliders.” Wildfires in Boulder? Michael Brown must be haulin’ ass. [Colorado Independent]

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  3:40 pm November 25, 2008

Laura Bush Will Save The Publishing Industry Forever

by Juli Weiner

America has the most guns per capita of anywhere, ever, including Yemen! Yemen. A full 89 out of 100 people own firearms. [Andrew Sullivan] Obama is going to revamp FEMA by hiring some Clinton staffer who already fixed the thing eight years ago and left just before Michael Brown destroyed both FEMA and New Orleans [...]

OLD COOTS  5:03 pm July 7, 2008

Violent Old FEMA Coot Wants To Be Famous!

by Jim Newell

Readers may remember the sad tale of Vincent Koley, the 74-year-old FEMA contractor who, while on a relief dispatch to flooded Iowa, hit some guy with his car and then beat him up with a golf club, all the while claiming that he could do as he pleased because he was “with FEMA.” Koley has [...]

OLD COOTS  4:11 pm June 27, 2008

Old FEMA Coot Beats Up Guy With Golf Club, In Iowa

by Jim Newell

So Iowa is underwater forever, and to the nation’s shock, FEMA has sent out emergency response teams — to help! This is only the second time in world history that FEMA has helped anyone, the other being the time they released that “How To Deal With Satellites That Crash Into Your Skull” manual. Perhaps they [...]

GEORGE W. BUSH  2:25 pm March 27, 2008

Mulder & Scully Crack 9/11-Condi Conspiracy

by Ken Layne

TOP  10:39 am February 21, 2008

FEMA’s Tips For Encountering a Poison, Crashing Satellite

by Jim Newell

HURRICANE KATRINA  4:19 pm November 29, 2007

FEMA Figures Out a Way to Help Katrina Survivors

by Megan Carpentier

FEMA  7:22 pm October 29, 2007

Stand In The Fire

by Ken Layne

FEMA  4:30 pm October 29, 2007

by Ken Layne

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