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Posts Tagged “Fema”

trust no one

Mulder & Scully Crack 9/11-Condi Conspiracy

A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! More »

2:25 PM on Thu Mar 27 2008
By Ken Layne
4,246 views, 33 comments

how to survive

FEMA's Tips For Encountering a Poison, Crashing Satellite

As you may have heard, the Pentagon’s space missile successfully hit that broken Satellite of Love last night, and now its poisonous death shrapnel (which has actually been deemed “unhazardous,” by liars) will come hurling into our atmosphere, killing us all. But there is one hope for us in this Armageddon scenario: the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), the revered handymen most famous for getting New Orleans back on its feet within 24 hours of the initial Hurricane Katrina strike. Last week, America’s Most Effective Agency released its “First Responder Guide For Space Object Re-Entry,” i.e. “what to do if the poison satellite crashes next to you.” How will FEMA save the world this time? More »

10:39 AM on Thu Feb 21 2008
By Newell
7,077 views, 64 comments

Latest by TomTrifik: @StacyPoo: Just $200 huh? NIce insurance, (or crooked deal?).... Anyway, my po' wife was sitting in her Volkswagen Beetle, stopped in dense traffic when [WHAMO!] something hits her windshield dead center. Twern't no lil rock or nuffin either!! The resulting more »

best laid plans

FEMA Figures Out a Way to Help Katrina Survivors

It’s been more than two years since Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast and left a shitload of people (many of them poor) without homes and belongings and even some family members. Since then, FEMA and a variety of government agencies have done everything in their power to make things worse for those that couldn’t leave or wanted to come back. But, now they totally have a plan! More »

4:19 PM on Thu Nov 29 2007
By megancarpentier
1,823 views, 30 comments

irresponsible rumors

Let the Speculation Begin!

A show of hands for who believes that Trent Lott really resigned to spend more time with his family or whatever! No one, right? In that vein, we begin the irresponsible rumor-mongering list of the real reason for Trent’s resignation after the jump. More »

2:20 PM on Mon Nov 26 2007
By mcarpentier
8,613 views, 65 comments

rumors on the internets

Stand In The Fire

  • It’ll be great to have a president that inspires as much visceral hatred as Bush does. [Michelle Malkin]
  • Generals aren’t supposed to get blown up, and yet …. [Think Progress]
  • Fred Thompson’s sweaters aren’t nearly as gay as a certain other doomed Republican we can think of. [Fresh Intelligence]
  • It’s so obvious that Bush doesn’t actually care about Jews and Palestinians that even those people have to say so. [Red State]
  • Saying that the media is faulted for campaign hype is like saying, you know, the sun is why it’s light out. [Capitol Hill Blue]
  • FEMA fabulist loses his job, which is a bummer because that probably means no more good news from SoCal .[TPMmuckraker]

7:22 PM on Mon Oct 29 2007
436 views, 8 comments

Latest by mrblifil: Glad to see Michele Malkin comporting herself like a "grown up." more »

FEMA faker won’t be getting that fancy new spy-P.R. job after all. [AP/Guardian]

15 comments

a job well done

FEMA Creep Who Faked Press Conference Gets Promoted!

The job of a public-relations professional is to make the Client look good, and FEMA flack John “Pat” Philbin certainly pulled that off last week, when he created a “press conference” featuring some very friendly “reporters” who turned out to be his own staffers. Getting a bunch of friendly questions from the “press” is no easy task for a federal agency best known for drowning thousands of poor Americans, so it should come as no surprise that “Pat” Philbin is getting a big promotion! He’s the new director of public affairs at the Office of the Director of National Intelligence — that’s the new-ish umbrella spy/torture agency that now owns the CIA and NSA and all the other intel shops quickly being outsourced to corrupt GOP-friendly contractors. Congratulation, “Pat”! We all look forward to your positive-message work on the promotion of torture and murder and White House-level intelligence cover-ups.

UPDATE: Not so fast, “Pat.” ODNI has revoked the cushy job offer.

FEMA Director of External Affairs Exits Amidst PR Scandal; Lands at ODNI [PR Newser]

2:28 PM on Mon Oct 29 2007
By KLayne
1,235 views, 22 comments

Latest by BingBongBong: See, this is why Big Media gets so jealous when anyone tries to take over its job of schlobing the knob of government bureaucrats. more »

fema

FEMA Asks Itself the Tough Questions

During the Hurricane Katrina fiasco, FEMA found out the hard way that sometimes the press just isn’t feeling very charitable towards the incompetent agency. So when they had a press conference today, the Washington Post’s Al Kamen reveals, it’s way better to just make sure the reporters can’t get there, and then to assign various staffers with make-believe roles as pretend reporters. More »

1:37 PM on Fri Oct 26 2007
By phuestis
2,056 views, 26 comments

fires

Brownie to Save World, Yet Again

People of Southern California who are on fire: Have no fear, for disaster relief (in the form of a human disaster) is on the way! Former FEMA Director Michael “Heckuva Job” “Brownie” “Abortion of a Human” Brown, the guy who hosted a Hurricane Party with fresh margs for himself during Katrina, is hopping on a jet plane to SoCal and will fix you AND your forests. Shit, he might even bring a hose! See, he’s not so incompetent when it’s white people asking for disaster relief.

Brownie, You’ve Got a Heckuva Job [WSJ via Political Machine]

1:43 PM on Wed Oct 24 2007
By Newell
846 views, 33 comments

Latest by Tits_LaRue: @nojo: Sadly, nobody will actually show up to rubberneck at the notoriously accident-prone cretin standing next to the smoldering wreckage and exploding gas lines reading phonetically spelled speeches about the Laws Anne Gell Leese Fye-Yers, it won't exactly be his more »

dept. of third world disasters

George W. Bush Wishes New Orleans a Very Happy Katrina Birthday

You’d never guess our little Katrina is two years old today. Why? Because it looks like that hurricane and terrible flooding happened just days ago! Who would think a major American city would still be in ruins two fucking years after it was deluged and half-abandoned? More »

1:56 PM on Wed Aug 29 2007
By KLayne
5,855 views, 95 comments

dept. of justice perverted

Despised, Incompetent Ghoul Is Top Pick For Attorney General

A widely hated cretin is the White House’s top choice for attorney general, experts said today. Michael Chertoff is known for his bizarre threats against America and his tenure at the biggest fucking joke agency in American history, the “department of homeland security.” Despised by Republicans, Democrats and actual humans, Chertoff is just the kind of loathsome creep the Bush Administration is likely to choose to be AG for a few weeks until the whole gang is rounded up and sent to Gitmo. More »

2:17 PM on Mon Aug 27 2007
By KLayne
3,657 views, 49 comments

Latest by Boyaca: Just think if he is the winner you can have the grim reaper to replace blind justice. more »

dept. of disaster-prone space agencies

NASA Now Crashing Trains, Too

In a hilarious slapstick NASA version of that one time when Ozzy Osbourne’s jet crashed into Lynyrd Skynyrd’s tour bus or something, a train carrying those giant space shuttle rocket fuel tanks crashed in a forest in Alabama. More »

6:59 PM on Wed May 2 2007
By KLayne
864 views, 25 comments

new orleans

Heckuva Job, Mappie: Google Disappears Post-Katrina Map Pix

There are now two places on Earth where New Orleans isn’t a half-abandoned wasteland: Micheal “Brownie” Brown’s mind and Google Maps. More »

4:08 PM on Fri Mar 30 2007
By KLayne
2,552 views, 17 comments

wtc

BBC, CNN Employ Magical Psychic News Announcers

The Internets are buzzing with the bizarre story of BBC News reporting the 9/11 collapse of WTC7 before the building actually collapsed — all over a live shot of Ground Zero, with the 47-story highrise clearly in view and clearly standing. More »

8:19 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By KLayne
16,585 views, 58 comments

joe lieberman

Bipartisanship Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry

Joe Lieberman: the most bipartisan man in the history of bipartisanship! He’s so averse to more of this petty inter-party squabbling that he won’t investigate the White House response to Hurricane Katrina after all! Despite, you know, heading the committee that’s supposed to oversee FEMA and kind of promising that he would before that election thing. More »

2:38 PM on Fri Jan 12 2007
By Pareene
72 views, 11 comments

fema

Bush Administration Incompetence to Expand Scope Past Atmosphere

Remember Patrick Rhode? He was the former TV reporter who leveraged a job as deputy advance guy for Bush in 2000 (deputy to the guy who makes sure there’s bottled water behind the podium!) into a gig as deputy director of FEMA. Then New Orleans drowned, and Rhode called FEMA’s response “probably one of the most efficient and effective responses in the country’s history.” More »

10:15 AM on Fri Jan 12 2007
By Pareene
202 views, 24 comments

nuclear

Washington To Be Nuked; FEMA, FBI Moving To Boonies

Facing the awful reality that Bush will definitely get DC nuked before he leaves office, FEMA and the FBI are among the federal agencies relocating to rural Virginia because it’s “outside the blast zone.” More »

12:09 PM on Tue Dec 26 2006
By KLayne
698 views, 10 comments

civil defense

Proud Symbol of Fear Replaced By Wuss Emblem

Since 1939, the Civil Defense logo bravely and solemnly let Americans know which school basements contained bomb shelters and rations, for when the Commies nuked us. It was also a great, simple and effective design with a touch of cold Art Deco that just got better with age. More »

3:15 PM on Fri Dec 1 2006
By KLayne
909 views, 22 comments