Tag: fema camps

Wonkette Hereby Applies For Job On Sexcellent InfoWars Alex Jones Team Of ‘Elites’

Do you think Wonkette has what it takes? Can't hurt to try!
Been a while. We missed this one.

Fox News So Pissed At Google For Hiding Dead Bodies For Hillary Clinton

Get out your tin-foil hats, y'all!

Hawaii Gonna Grab All Your Guns And Put Them In FEMA Camps

The beautiful island state of Hawaii may be the first state to put gun owners in a FEDERAL DATABASE...just like common car drivers.
Still the dumbest book cover in the history of U.S. America

Silly Goose Allen West Casually Death Threats President Obama For Grabbing His Guns

GRRR ARGH RAGE MAD OBAMA'S TAKIN' YR GUNS BUT NOT IF ALLEN WEST CAN STOP IT OOH AHH ANGRY WORDS GRRRR!!!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!! So, failed congressman, disgraced soldier, dirty whore pervert and all around human erectile dysfunction Allen West is mad about a...
I am the thing American Idiots are afraid of.

Syria To Invade Texas This Week, Bye Texas!

Oh, Texas, it was super nice knowing you and letting you be one of our U.S. American states, but there's an invasion coming, and we don't feel like lifting a solitary finger to save you right now, because you...
Hi lifeguard. My name is Evan. You want to save my life? I'll pretend I'm drowning so it looks legit. Or I can just meet you after your shift and we can make out. Whatever you want

Beached North Carolina Wingnuts Worry Only Gays Will Get Rescued From Drowning Now

In the wake of the Supreme Court's Gay Marriage Throat-Cram-A-Thon, wingnuts have had hilarious reactions and stupid reactions and melodramatic reactions, and all of the other reactions that are dumb and bad. But here is one that takes the...
Obama's magazine cover JUST KIDDING LOL

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked...
Bad president bad!

Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes

OH NO, President Obama is back behind the high school gym again, smoking all the cigarettes and rolling his eyes, maybe and allegedly! Cigarettes are a well-known slippery slope to getting potted up on weed and socializing America. Obama was...
Twitter profile pic strategically placed to hide chemtrails in sky behind her.

Alex Jones: While You Were Staring At Caitlyn Jenner’s Funbags, Obama Grabbed Your Guns

Conspiracy theorist extraordinaire Alex Jones always has his finger on the prostate of The Real Story that everybody's missing, if people could only OPEN THEIR EYES! Lately, Jones has been working to reassure Texans that no, Walmart is not...
Wait, FEMA was operating in Hitler's Germany?

Wisconsin F*cks The Poors While Texas Gets Put In A FEMA Camp. Your Weekly Top Ten!

Top o' the Sunday Funday, Wonkers! And also Happy Mother's Day, if you are a lady who is a mommy! Let's take a moment to reminisce about the week's most hilarious stories, for us to laugh at together. But first, remember...
It is TOTALLY a conpisracy

Pentagon Says There’s No Plot To Invade Texas. But It Would, Wouldn’t It?

In a move that was as touchingly optimistic as it was futile, the Pentagon attempted to reassure nervous Texans that an upcoming training exercise is definitely not a secret plan to declare martial law, impose UN control over the...
P.S. They ARE crackpots

Hero Gov. Greg Abbott Will Stop Obama From Doing Martial Law And ISIS To Poor Texans

If you are a fear-addled conspiracy theory-loving wingnut reading this, you already KNOW what we are about to say. Terrible demonic false flag Indo-Kenyan "President" Barack Obama is preparing AT THIS VERY MOMENT to impose martial law on Texas,...
Good thing they didn't send their emails to Strongbad, he would have gotten SO MAD.

Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line

If former court clerk Mary Ann Twitty, of Ferguson, Missouri, had been paying any attention to Hillary Clinton's lessons, she might still have a job right now. Same goes for Rick Henke and William Mudd, who used to be...

Michigan Republican Definitely Not Responsible For Saying We Should Fence Detroit, Round Up The Indians

Say you are a mean old Republican (but we repeat ourselves) who loves to say sparkling things about Detroit and how you will get carjacked there, and also funny quips about FEMA camping all the Indians and giving them...

In Case You Were Wondering, We Think This Survivalist Ad Is Crap, Too

Every now and again Your Wonkette gets stuck with ads that are, shall we say, at a bit of a variance from Our Stated Principles (whatever they might be any given week). And since one of our stated principles...

Dispatches From The FEMA Camps: Barack Obama’s Brave New World Will Not Have Applebees, Vinyl Siding

The most important thing to know about the FEMA Camps, where we will be soon living now that Barack HUSSEIN Obama secured his second term by giving gifts to browns and poors and slutty youngs, is density. The image of...