Tag: fema

Donald Trump Drops In For Louisiana Flood Photo Op After Governor Asks Him Not To, Because He Cares

Donald Trump went to Baton Rouge to look at the floodwaters, help unload a truck, and sign some baseball caps. Everything's better!
We won't, we promise.

Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder Outraged Feds Let Him Poison Children Of Flint

Raise your glass for Rick Snyder, Michigan's governor from the party of small government and personal responsibility. Now that he's been made aware that state officials have been aware for quite some time that Flint citizens have been drinking poisoned...
It's not even the rust that'll get you, though

Michigan Governor Blames ‘Government’ For Flint’s Poison Water. Um?

Several developments on the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, so pour yourself a nice hot cup of coffee and let's look at what's up now. Unless you live in Flint, in which case you need to pour that shit...
Aww shit, it's from Flint!

Marco Rubio Can’t Be Bothered To Learn About Every Dumb City With Poison Water

You know how it can be when you're running for an important job like president of the United States. There are so many flights and meetings and speeches, you barely know what city you're in. You have to cram all...
Toxic Sludge is Good for You!

Obama Declares A State Of Disgusting In Flint’s Poisoned Water

After the state mismanaged the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, about as terribly as humanly possible, Gov. Rick Snyder finally got his typewriter and stamps together and requested emergency assistance from the federal government. On Saturday, President Obama declared...

Michigan Would Like Flintians To Pay For The Privilege Of Drinking Poisoned Water

When we first started writing about the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, where it was revealed that people were literally drinking state-sponsored poison in the form of lead-addled water, we did not think the story had much legs, as...

George W. Bush In New Orleans: Heckuva Job, Myself!

    George W. Bush returned to the scene of the crime Friday, speaking briefly at a high school that had been flooded during Hurricane Katrina 10 years ago. You will be astonished that his remarks were utterly devoid of self-reflection or...
Borned stupid.

Being God’s Chosen Presidential Candidate Giving Ted Cruz Nasty Case Of Stigmata

Things are getting rough out there for Ted Cruz, ever since God and Jesus personally visited his dad Rafael Cruz late at night to put a baby in his butt to tell Ted he's supposed to run for president of America. So...
Let's buy pipe cleaners. Kids like pipe cleaners.

If The Duggars Love Hobby Lobby So Much, They Should Gay Marry It. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Happy Sunday, you scrappy weasels. We hope you had a nice week, enjoying all the gross news yr Wonkette had to report, because all the news was just terrible and gross and bad. We thought we had our fill...

Ted Cruz Still Wants To Murder Federal Government, But After It Cleans Up Texas

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-United States of Texas) hates the federal government, and he is going to kill it so hard, right in its stupid federal face, when he becomes the president of it. He has a plan to abolish...
Just going through the motions anymore

Texas Happy To Let Obama Invade With FEMA Now Please

Here's President Barack Obama explaining Tuesday that he's ready to direct federal aid to Texas, which has suffered deadly flooding since the weekend, with more rain and flash flooding on the way. At least 31 people have died in storms that...
Florida! Florida!

We Took A Week Off, Is Florida Still Dumb? (Yes): Your Florida Roundup

Did you miss Yr Florida Correspondent? Of course you did. Who else would put up with this putrid morass of dumb, for your edification and amusement? No one, that’s who. (Make your checks payable to CASH, please and thank...
love the audience reaction here

Florida State Senators Taunt Emergency Chief: You Ain’t Allowed To Say ‘Climate Change’!

Florida's Senate had entirely too much fun taunting Gov. Rick Scott's head of emergency management last week, trying to get Bryan Koon to say the words "climate change," which, as we all know, is a Banned Word of Power...
No Disaster Preparedness Funds for you!

FEMA To States: You Want Cash? Say Climate Change Is Real. SAY IT!

In an elegant reply to politicians who aren't scientists but don't mind ignoring experts who are, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has come up with a simple solution: States whose governors decide there's no need to plan for the...
He Kept Us Mostly Safe Kind Of

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism

Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we're just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our 11/12th-grade textbook, United States History...