Wonkette

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi got to go back to the rumored land of her ancestors. No, not Russia, Africa! Her last trip there was a royal dud, but this time she brought along friends: the boss, his wife, Josh Bolten, etc., and she got to see the boss dance! She got a pretty sash! She got molested by scary natives! And then she got back and nobody cared. Relive the magic, after the jump…

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We knew that John McCain was low on the funds, but not like, struggling-artist broke! As Atlantic’s Marc Ambinder writes, the McCain campaign campaign reported $3.4 million on hand with a debt of $1.7 million in the new Federal Elections Commission (FEC) report, and it also raised $1.8 million toward the general election. Hmm… 3.4 minus 1.7… times something… carry the zero….

OMG MCAIN HAS LESS MONEYS THAN ZERO! MORE »

The Giuliani campaign has enlisted another questionable “asset” to the team, continuing what it started with Norman Podhoretz, Bernard Kerik and, well, Rudy Giuliani. Last week, Giuliani stopped in Philadelphia with the most innovative Philadelphia campaign idea ever: Eating a cheesesteak. He went to Geno’s Steaks, one of South Philly’s iconic grease factories and where owner Joey Vento has posted a sign for customers saying “This is America — When Ordering, Speak English.” Vento is an ardent Giuliani supporter and speaks much like that sign reads. An article from the New Republic today (via Attytood) quotes Vento’s self-defense for his uncouth comments as “I say what everybody’s thinking but is afraid to say.” After the jump, check out some examples of what everybody’s thinking.

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Oh, that John Edwards sex scandal thing? It might have been planted and tended with care by the Huffington Post, sort of. Someone gave Sam Stein (former Newsweek intern-turned-HuffPo Political Journalist extraordinaire!) the story of some TOTALLY MYSTERIOUS VIDEOS that disappeared from John Edwards’ website. First it was a mere mysterious mystery — why would the Edwards’ campaign scrub all traces of these harmless, complimentary “meet the candidate” videos? Then it was a totally mysterious mystery involving a nutty, directionless hippie chick whom Edwards met in a bar.

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It’s October, so why is it still so goddamn hot? And why are politicians still getting busted for perversions and sexcapades? Is this Cummer truly Endless? Or is this merely — as one of you commenters probably coined back in some long-ago post (this one?) — an Indian Cummer?* After the jump, join us in taking a quick glance at Cocktober’s Long, Long Tail — starring that Louisiana Bathroom Goblin, Gay Escorts, and, uh, something called an “Oral Roberts.”

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Considering that party promotion is already one of the most annoying professions in the world, it takes more than a little something extra to get noticed. It takes levels of un-self-conscious douchery that most people can’t even dream of. Back in June a friend forwarded me an email from a a dude she’d never heard of before inviting her to party that sounded like the worst thing either of us had ever heard of.

Kick off the 1st Official Night of Summer 2007! Mojito’s & Ketel One Citroen Specials all night! Music by DJ Alex Funk playing 80’s + Current Hits. No Cover Charge - Resort Attire = Seersucker, Topsiders, Pearls, Madras, Popped Collars, Red Pants and Sundresses.

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GOP Consultant and Rep. Tom Feeney friend Ralph Gonzalez was found dead in an Orange County, Florida home, yesterday, alongside two other bodies, all of whom had been there since possibly Tuesday. Authorities gave next to no details whatsoever as to what the hell was going on, except that it looked like a “murder-suicide.”

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Glenn Murphy, Jr. is our latest addition to the Endless Cummer Cavalcade of Pervs! The Clark County, Indiana GOP Chair was recently elected Young Republican National Federation Chair and so it was only a matter of time before the Sheriff began investigating him for “alleged deviate conduct.” Because apparently some poor Young Republican doesn’t want to wake up to the national chairman unexpectedly fellating him.

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A big-ass bridge collapsed for no apparent fucking reason in your East Coast editor’s hometown yesterday. Nine people are confirmed dead, but with fifty cars tumbling into the river and at least twelve still at the bottom of the fucking Mississippi and 20 (30? 65?) people missing, you can bet that number’s gonna rise a bit over the course of the week.

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Cross-dressing thrice-married abortionist Rudy Giuliani is building a “dream team” of consultants that so far includes a diaper-wearing hooker-fucker in New Orleans and a coke-dealing state treasurer in South Carolina. He seems to be lacking a pedophile on his team. Any possibilities out there? MORE »