Tag Archives: fear-mongering

 

Terror Porn Fantasy Puts WALNUTS! McCain In the White House

America is addicted to pornography: Terror Pornography. From Kiefer’s endless torture of the nuclear-armed Islamo-Nazis to NEVER FORGET billboards, illiterate snuff essays by unknown bloggers to, uhm, the Washingtonian, nothing thrills like the fantasy of Muslims blowing up some unloved yet well-known U.S. city architecture. Join us after the jump for the terror fantasy that could make WALNUTS! our best-ever pretend maverick president for life, after the jump. Read more on Terror Porn Fantasy Puts WALNUTS! McCain In the White House…
 

Bush Wants To Make Romance In Bin Laden’s Butt

Osama bin Laden is rumored to be a “rogue” CIA asset who helped defeat the Soviets in Afghanistan and topple the Red Communist Menace and make America the greatest country in the world, so it’s no surprise that George W. Bush says he wants to make sweet man love to the terror bogeyman. President’s Day ass-fucking details, after the jump. Read more on Bush Wants To Make Romance In Bin Laden’s Butt…
 

Superhero Makes Sure Kids Stay In School

Since we live in a nation that saw a major city brought to its knees by Lite Brites, it should come as no surprise that even known crimefighters are being mistaken for nefarious terrorist criminals. Read more on Superhero Makes Sure Kids Stay In School…
 

Al Qaeda: Bush Is a Dumb Drunky Drunk Liar!

Internet video star Ayman al Zawahiri has appeared in many popular Al Qaeda messages that are only released in the middle of the night on unknown “websites” and then provided to U.S. TV news producers in the morning by “American terror analysts.” It happened again while you slept, and this time Zawahiri’s just reading old Air America transcripts. Bush is “an alcoholic, liar and gambler with an addictive personality,” says the terror bogeyman turned self-help guru. Read more on Al Qaeda: Bush Is a Dumb Drunky Drunk Liar!…
 

When Obama’s President, We’re Bombing Australia

Aussie prime minister John Howard isn’t falling for that Iran stuff — he knows the actual leader of the Iraqi insurgency is Barack Obama. The Australian cretin chose the day after Obama’s announcement to make the asinine comments on TV. “If I was running al-Qaeda in Iraq, I would put a circle around March 2008 and pray, as many times as possible, for a victory not only for Obama, but also for the Democrats,” said the mouth-breathing prime minister. Yes, keep drawing circles around “March 2008″ and we’ll go ahead and have our election in November. Join us for crayons and calendars, after the jump. Read more on When Obama’s President, We’re Bombing Australia…
 

Stewardess Unravels Awful Gov’t Terror Conspiracy

A brave stewardess has been trying to expose a terrible terrorist jet-toilet conspiracy, but airline pilots, TSA air marshals and federal law enforcement agents just laugh at her crusade. It all started when she was tidying up the bathroom in the coach section of a 757 flying across the country in February 2005 — and if you believe a stewardess would actually clean up the filthy coach lavatory en route, you’ll likely believe the rest of this weirdo story. All is revealed, after the jump. Read more on Stewardess Unravels Awful Gov’t Terror Conspiracy…
 

Judy Miller: Mossad Torture Agent

Is there any evil shit that doesn’t feature a performance by Judith Miller? Anthrax attacks that coincide with her book release, jailhouse visits from Scooter Libby, advance knowledge of 9/11, giving Chalabi a running front-page space in the NYT … is she old enough to blame for Pearl Harbor, too? (Close enough –Ed.) There was another pathetic defeat in the American War On Terror last week, when Patrick Fitzgerald’s convictions of a former Harvard professor and a Chicago grocer were overturned by a federal jury. The men could’ve been sentenced to life in prison for collecting money for Palestinian charities (you know, terrorism!) but will likely avoid jail altogether. Learn how Judy Miller testified on behalf of … Mossad, after the jump. Read more on Judy Miller: Mossad Torture Agent…
 

America’s New Enemy Has Dreads, Watches Cartoons

Thank our American God the law is coming down hard on these two terrorists. The men were hired by the “Time Warner” company to leave little cartoon things around Boston, which caused a complete shutdown of the once proud city. Other sinister men left the same comical things all over other, smarter U.S. cities … weeks ago … where they went unnoticed. Meet the new face of evil, after the jump. Read more on America’s New Enemy Has Dreads, Watches Cartoons…
 

Ted Stevens’ Wife Always Plotting Against Us

Sure, we may be living in a police state where some 350,000 people are on a “no fly list” for reasons they aren’t allowed to know, but at least we can laugh at the plight of Catherine Stevens. Read more on Ted Stevens’ Wife Always Plotting Against Us…
 

So We’ve Lost the ‘War On Terror,’ Too?

These people …. Here’s the executive summary of the White House plan for Iraq: The Consequences Of Failure In Iraq Could Not Be Graver — The War On Terror Cannot Be Won If We Fail In Iraq. Our enemies throughout the Middle East are trying to defeat us in Iraq. If we step back now, the problems in Iraq will become more lethal, and make our troops fight an uglier battle than we are seeing today. First, how wonderful that the White House is announcing a plan tonight for a war they started four years ago. Second, we’ve got the whole stupid White House document, after the jump. Come on in, glance over the thing until your eyes get heavy — it takes about two minutes — and then go to dinner and don’t bother watching the speech, because it’s all here except for the nervous rat eyes, comical mispronunciations and telling malaprops. Read more on So We’ve Lost the ‘War On Terror,’ Too?…
 

Invisible Law Stays Invisible, Sez Supreme Court

In our brave new era of Imperial Stormtroopers marching in the Rose Bowl Parade and people put in prison forever for no reason, it’s no surprise that the Supreme Court declined to get involved in the 9th Circuit’s refusal to reveal the secret invisible law that requires us to show I.D. at the airport. Read more on Invisible Law Stays Invisible, Sez Supreme Court…
 

TSA Personnel Will Not Touch the Monkey

Because the Homeland Security bureaucrats are always plotting against Americans and our precious freedoms, a lack of crazy terrorist make-believe schemes in the news does not mean air travel should suddenly be anything but a miserable nightmare. Read more on TSA Personnel Will Not Touch the Monkey…
 

Pat Robertson Plotting Nuclear Attack On America

The criminal Jesus Freak who praised the 9/11 attacks as being just what the USA deserved (due to homosexuals and feminists) is now promising his own terror attack on America — and this time, it’s Nuclear. Read more on Pat Robertson Plotting Nuclear Attack On America…
 

NRA’s Secret Graphic Novel Revealed!

Pro-gun Democrats did better in the midterms than probably any other class of politician, but the National Rifle Association is not in the business of reflecting moderate political reality. The NRA lives off memberships, and the standard card-carrying member has two enemies: Democrats and … deer, most likely. But even loyalists go soft, as the GOP learned last month, and you need some Grade A propaganda to get people riled up again. Let no one accuse the NRA of shirking its duty. Freedom In Peril: Guarding the 2nd Amendment in the 21st Century, is a spectacularly beautiful graphic novel. Here, for example, is one of the biggest threats to the white suburban hunter: dirty hippies and their evil sidekicks: the dynamite-carrying owl, sinister pig, angry Wall Street bull, dire wolf, terror chicken and Land Lobster: We’ve got a lot more from this super-secret advance copy of the NRA’s hot new comic, after the jump. Read more on NRA’s Secret Graphic Novel Revealed!…
 

Newt Gingrich’s Website-Killing Secret Ninja Combat Judges

Washington playboy Newt Gingrich dislikes those jihadists as much as he hates a wife who gets cancer. The most unelectable scumbag in America has been hanging around New Hampshire letting people know how he’s going to fix up America once he becomes president in his mind. Read more on Newt Gingrich’s Website-Killing Secret Ninja Combat Judges…
 

BREAKING UPDATE … SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE CONTAINS TEDDY BEAR (OR ELMO)

The terror package thrown at the White House this morning actually contained a dangerous or possibly tasteless Teddy Bear. Wonkette operative “Billy” talked to an “in the know” workman at the Old Executive Office Building and got the secret info: Read more on BREAKING UPDATE … SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE CONTAINS TEDDY BEAR (OR ELMO)…
 

We’re Number 53! We’re Number 53!

According to some nosey international group, the United States has again fallen down the Worldwide Press Freedom Index. The new index puts the USA at No. 53 — even with Botswana, Croatia and Tonga! Read more on We’re Number 53! We’re Number 53!…
 

He Really Cares About Iraq

According to the New York Times, George W. Bush is so dedicated to continuing the Iraq occupation that he has become an old Iraqi woman. Bush Signs Terror Interrogation Law [New York Times] Read more on He Really Cares About Iraq…
 

We Wish They’d Torture Us With LSD

A short version of today’s “no fucking way” story: * Conservative newspaper runs allegations that secretly-jailed-forever terror suspect Jose Padilla is being psychologically tortured with freakout drugs such as LSD and PCP. Read more on We Wish They’d Torture Us With LSD…
 

So Helen Thomas Built the Nukes For North Korea, Is That Right?

Comedy director David Zucker had a “security scare” in 2004 and went from depraved Clinton-loving Hollywood liberal to depraved Bush-loving Israel fanatic, as sometimes happens in the movie industry. Drudge is pushing this “too hot for Republicans” commercial that Zucker apparently made for the GOP. You watch it, and we’ll politely wait over here. We sorta like it! It’s got that “I’m a crazy person with a blog and I’m gonna kill all the fucking Arabs” vibe that’s so lacking in official campaign commercials. Read more on So Helen Thomas Built the Nukes For North Korea, Is That Right?…
 

America Will Rock On!

This poll is scary, because it finally draws the line between Americans who know the Bush Administration is lying and those who have no idea who’s president. According to the latest obviously liberal/Democrat/Communist/Satanist polling, “83% of respondents thought that Mr. Bush was either hiding something or mostly lying when he discussed how the war in Iraq was going.” Read more on America Will Rock On!…
 

War All the Time

Here’s a tale that makes Mark Foley seem absolutely harmless in comparison: U.S. warships are headed for the coast of Iran, just in time for a late-October war. Maybe even a nuclear war. A nuclear war started by the White House. You know, to make sure Iran doesn’t develop dangerous nuclear weapons that could be brazenly used against some country or another. Today, the USS Eisenhower Carrier Strike Group leaves port in Norfolk for the Persian Gulf. The group includes the USS Anzio, the guided-missile destroyers USS Ramage and USS Mason and the attack sub USS Newport News. Time and The Nation are among the mainstream mags saying this is the beginning of the war. We’ll tell you what some less-mainstream sources say, after the jump. Read more on War All the Time…