• Bank of America lost $1 billion—and your Wonkette editor’s debit card!!—in the third quarter. [New York Times]
• Do not read this, keep thy heart pure: Boy in the Balloon? Likely a publicity stunt. [New York Times]
• A weak dollar is good news for things that are made here and exported elsewhere. This is an important news article from a city’s major newspaper. [Los Angeles Times]
• The FDA would prefer that everyone not buy the powerful Swine Flu Antidote on the Internet for all the regular reasons buying drugs on the Internet, without telling your doctor, might be unwise. [CNN]
• A 6.1 magnitude earthquake hit Jakarta this morning and you know quite frankly everyone there is a bit sick of the earthquakes at this point. [CNN]
• UN Human Rights Council endorsed a report in which both Hamas and Israel were accused of war crimes in Gaza. [Guardian]

Today’s fun fact: in China, The People’s Court has the power to execute public officials. And today it exercised that power, killing former Chinese FDA head Zheng Xiaoyu to death for acting slightly less responsibly than our own FDA. MORE »

Now that the story’s about government oversight instead of terrible things happening to adorable puppies, the media will say anything to keep you interested. MORE »

FDA vet chief Stephen F. Sundlof announced this morning that imported “wheat gluten” poisoned with melamine is what’s killing American dogs and cats and generally driving people crazy. The goop is imported from a Chinese factory and then shipped to Canada, and mushed up with god knows what at some factory in Ontario (and then in Kansas!) before being packaged in a thousand different labels — from expensive boutique brands to Wal-Mart generic — and sold all over North America. MORE »

* John Edwards will make a “serious” announcement today at noon, but will continue to resent Elizabeth Edwards for life. [WP, NYT]
* “Partisan witch hunt” is on! House subpoenas K. Rova, Albeady Gonzales, JoBo, Blanche Miers and more! [WP, NYT]
* Al Gore comes back to Capitol Hill just as “shrill” and “accurate” as when he left. [WP, NYT]
* Anti-war protesters at the Capitol feel safe under the “impressive bulk” of John Murtha. [WP]
* Several of the fired attorneys were the top seed in their divisions. [USAT]
* Justice Department really has the black lung. [WP]
* Congressional budget processzzzzzzzzz. [WP]
* FDA moves to trim payola. [NYT, LAT]
* Iraq funding bill has more farm aid than Willie Nelson. [USAT]

Government scientists have come to the rock-solid conclusion that it’s totally safe to eat cloned meat and dairy products from cloned animals. This basically means that you can stumble upon the Perfect Steak and then get the ID number of the animal, probably through some DNA detector built into next year’s Blackberry models, and continue to eat that steak forever. MORE »

Ex-FDA chief Lester Crawford pled guilty today to being the latest administration scumbag caught owning shares of companies he regulated. MORE »

• Pennsylvania Congressmen Curt Weldon has homes of friends and family raided by the FBI for shady lobbying contacts between himself, his daughter, and a massively corrupt Russian oil company. [WP, NYT]

• Former FDA chief charged with conflict of interest over stocks he held while in office, surprisingly does not blame Democrats. [WP, NYT]
• When Dick Cheney appears in second-tier backwater cities his visit is heralded “like a rock star coming to town.” He is adored by 6 year-olds, others who read at that level. [NYT]
• Barack Obama is more like an actual rock star; at least he uses drugs. [NYT]
• Mark Foley’s hill staffers are still holding their ankles. [WP]
• In Connecticut senate race, the Republican candidate polling in the single digits may be key to Lamont victory. [WP]

Brushing off the threat of those faceless terrorists who make salads by day and kill at night, federal health officials announced today that nobody is suspected of messing with the deadly spinach leaves. MORE »

CNN, predictably, taking an important FDA warning as yet another opportunity to subvert the traditional morals of the heartland. MORE »

• Maverick McCain and his merry band of outlaws reject Bush’s, “alternative interrogation strategies” legislation, approve their own. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]

• Both houses of Congress shelve large ethics bills; do agree to write their name next to kickback payments, er, earmarks. [WP, NYT]
• Congressman Bob Ney will plead guilty to “Abramoff stuff,” but it’s not his fault — the booze made him do it. [WP, NYT]
• Judge in Saddam Hussein trial tells him, “You were not a dictator.” [CNN, LAT]
• World Bank releases list of countries not to visit on vacation this year. [WP]
• FDA goes against Popeye and your parents, issues warning about eating spinach. [WP]