Tag Archives: fbi

  justice is bald

FBI So Sorry Its Agents Lied About That Gross Hair Evidence For All Those Years

gotcha
Were you a defendant in a criminal case between 1970-2000? (You probably were.) Was it a serious crime in which prosecutors tried to match your hair to one at a crime scene? And did they use an FBI forensics expert to testify as to said match? Because if so, according to FBI, there’s a chance that Lady Justice was letting the testifying agent put his stupid, doughy finger on the scales. Read more on FBI So Sorry Its Agents Lied About That Gross Hair Evidence For All Those Years…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’

Cataracts, obviously
If the President Barry H. Bamz (D-Choom Gang) thinks medical marijuana might be good for you, who are we to argue? CNN’s chief medical correspondent Sanjay Gupta, a vocal supporter of the legalization of medical marijuana, asks Obama in the documentary [“WEED 3″]if he supports the goals of a historic Senate bill introduced in March that seeks to make several major changes in federal law, including drastically reducing the federal government’s ability to crack down on state-legal medical marijuana programs, encouraging more research into the plant and reclassifying marijuana as a less dangerous drug. Read more on President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’…
  Reagan didn't die on the cross for this!

Russia’s In Ur White House Computers, Snoopin All Ur Sextings

Look, Natasha! Is Taco Tuesday every week!
CNN reported Tuesday that Russian hackers broke into an unclassified White House computer system last fall, and while they didn’t break into any classified systems, they still “had access to sensitive information such as real-time non-public details of the president’s schedule,” which security expert people told CNN is “still highly sensitive and prized by foreign intelligence agencies[.]” What we really want to know, though, is whether the Russkies had access to scheduling advice given to President Obama by his astrologer. Read more on Russia’s In Ur White House Computers, Snoopin All Ur Sextings…
  Here have some news n stuff

Confused Republican Senator Continues To Insist He’s President of America

Now you listen here Mister Sassy Iranian Foreign Minister!
A certain newbie senator is still running his mouth off about how he is not going to allow the president to act in his authority as president because he’s suffering the delusion that “freshman senator” is the most powerful gig in government: Read more on Confused Republican Senator Continues To Insist He’s President of America…
  Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

Georgia Patriot Plants Fake ‘Muslim’ Bomb To Warn World Of Muslim Threat

How will people fear radical Islam if we don't make up some fake bomb plots?
A Georgia wingnut has confessed to planting a backpack containing two partially completed pipe bombs in a public park last November, but he had an excellent reason: to raise awareness of the threat of radical Islam. Michael Sibley, 67, loves America so much that he was willing to fake a jihadist bomb attack, there not being any actual jihadis handy at the time. Read more on Georgia Patriot Plants Fake ‘Muslim’ Bomb To Warn World Of Muslim Threat…
  WSPR

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Aaron Schock will no longer be in Congress but is yes longer be in trouble with the Feds, Barack Obama thinks everyone should be required to vote for some reason, and Maine Gov. Paul LePage is pretty sure that Stephen King, who lives in Maine, doesn’t live in Maine. Missed last week’s Report? That’s because we didn’t do one and instead adopted a cat. Here’s the one we did the week before, though. Read more on The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool…
  Shit's getting real

FBI Officially Following Aaron Schock On Instagram

It's not getting easier
Poor young dudebro Rep. Aaron Schock, the hot stud millennial soon-to-be-ex congressman. After weeks of drip-drip-dripping details about his questionable use of campaign funds, maybe he thought announcing his resignation would make all the raised-eyebrow articles and questions about alleged ethics violations and (also hey, what is up with the personal photographer and travel companion taking those super-model pics of him?) stop. Read more on FBI Officially Following Aaron Schock On Instagram…
  Why does he hate America ALLEGEDLY?

Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!

Totally worth it
Don’t you just hate when you get caught sexing a lady what is not your wife and pillow-talking all of America’s classified secrets to her? Oh, you don’t do that? Then you are not ex-hero Gen. David Petraeus, who used to be America’s greatest patriot for winning ALL THE WARS and then being the boss of the CIA until resigning in disgrace for, oops, being a total disgrace to his country and himself, OOPS! Read more on Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!…
  Wouldn't A Strongly Worded Letter Have Been Enough?

All Muslims Everywhere Murder French Satirists; Lone Wolf Acting Alone ‘Bombs’ NAACP, Alone

the very definition of 'milling around'
We’ve got all sorts of international and domestic terrorism for you this morning; please make use of kitten photos as needed. In Paris Tuesday, 12 people were shot to death at a satirical newspaper that had frequently run cartoons making fun of Islam: Read more on All Muslims Everywhere Murder French Satirists; Lone Wolf Acting Alone ‘Bombs’ NAACP, Alone…
  Like a Boy

Congressfelon Michael Grimm Realizes God Wants Him To Resign After All

Rep. Michael Grimm, felonious tax-evader and media relations expert, announced his intention to resign from Congress, after insisting only a week ago that he would NOT resign, despite pleading guilty, according to a late-breaking report from the New York Daily News on Monday. Softening the blow for the few remaining Grimm groupies, he’ll be staying in office until Jan. 5, allowing him to put “2015” as an end date on his resume and have a bitchin’ New Year’s party in his office since he probably won’t be getting the deposit back anyway. Read more on Congressfelon Michael Grimm Realizes God Wants Him To Resign After All…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)

Might be making an excellent point about something, might be a Motown back-up singer
In his press conference on the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture, CIA Director John Brennan acknowledged that interrogators did some things that were “abhorrent and rightly should be repudiated by all,” but also explained that it was a crazy time and everybody was just doing the best they could to Protect America. Read more on Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)…
  How Toxic's The Water Mama?

Scummy West Virginia-Poisoning CEO Charged With Fraud, Aggravated Dickishness

He's had an extremely hard day.
Remember that li’l ol’ chemical storage plant that leaked a metric shit ton of toxic coal-washing chemicals into West Virginia’s Elk River back in January? And how the CEO of the company responsible for the spill went on teevee and swigged nice clean bottled water while refusing to answer reporters’ questions, because he had had a long difficult day and was very tired, so sorry, please leave him alone, OK? Read more on Scummy West Virginia-Poisoning CEO Charged With Fraud, Aggravated Dickishness…
  Here have some news n stuff

You Know Who Else Worked With The Nazis? America, That’s Who.

Which one's the moderate?
Here’s a nifty little tale about that time the United States government worked with Nazis — actual Nazis, not the hyperbolic “Obama is just like Hitler” kind. In the decades after World War II, the C.I.A. and other United States agencies employed at least a thousand Nazis as Cold War spies and informants and, as recently as the 1990s, concealed the government’s ties to some still living in America, newly disclosed records and interviews show. Read more on You Know Who Else Worked With The Nazis? America, That’s Who….