Tag: fat people

Michelle Obama Is Weak On Obesity, Nation Keeps Getting Fatter

Hey there, you might want to put down your Fritos for a second, because this is gross: In 2005, "being obese or overweight caused an estimated 216,000 deaths from heart disease, diabetes and other conditions, researchers estimated, while...

Michelle Obama Puts Kitchen Staff On Crash Diet

By now, we are all aware of Michelle Obama's "Let's Move!" initiative, the thing where government officials sneak into your children's bedrooms in the middle of the night and steal the donuts from under their pillows, leaving behind a...

Brave Wingnut Crusades Against Creeping Sharia In Alaska

Sarah Palin's "Alaska" is already gearing up to dismantle all the unions, forever. But what could make this embarrassing ice colony even more American? Probably a law that would prevent Muslims from honor-killing all the delicate white women, legally,...

Chris Christie Responds To Rampant Speculation He Is ‘Hot and Sexy’

"Wanta dah moolee-rah, Han Solo," the Hutt said. Meanwhile, while you are transfixed by the thought of take a magic sex bus journey into those undulating folds, Chris Christie is telling lies so he too can screw the union...

Svelte Dreamboat Rush Limbaugh Slams Michelle Obama For Being Fat

Hey, Rush Limbaugh is a person who is still alive, at the moment! He says Michelle Obama is fat. "I'm trying to say that our First Lady does not project the image of women that you might see on...

400-Pound Woman’s Robbery Foiled When Scooter Gets Stuck; Then She’s Tasered

Scooter crime: Michigan edition. Investigators said Perkins was attempting to leave the Rochester Road Meijer with more than $600 worth of stolen electronic merchandise when her cart got stuck and she was unable to drive out the door. Perkins —...

Michelle Obama Is Not a Barbecue Connoisseur, In Case That Was Unclear

Last week, our fabulous FLOTUS Michelle Obama sent out a friendly e-mail to all of her gal pals announcing that the Democrats will be having their 2012 convention in Charlotte, North Carolina. Michelle apparently loves Charlotte, because of its...

Scientists Predict ‘Tsunami of Obesity’ Will Destroy Humankind

Close your eyes and imagine that you are drowning in a giant ocean of human belly fat. Does this image make you unhappy? Too bad, according to scientists who say that we are all going to die in a...

Not Groundbreaking News: Americans Are Fat

Just eat less?: News alert: Because we are a nation of fat slobs, our government would like us to drink less sugar filled poison and stop eating spoonfuls of nitrates, lard and cat litter, even if it tastes good. ...

In Troubled Economy, Scooter Manufacturing Is Only Successful Industry

Here is an interesting article about fat, old, fat old people and the brave new world of Scooter Law. "We're going to see more and more people riding around in scooters and wheelchairs," said Mike Moran, the executive editor of...

Fat Employee Sues McDonald’s

This time it's a BRAZILIAN activist judge legislating from the bench: A Brazilian court ruled this week that McDonald's must pay a former franchise manager $17,500 because he gained 65 pounds while working there for a dozen years. The 32-year-old...

Gresham Barrett Is a False Prophet, Amen

A policeman punched a teen-aged girl directly in the face -- something new for your police brutality YouTube Playlist. Nikki Haley overflows with the spirit of Jesus. Then there is evil Gresham Barrett, who is the anti-Christ and moonlights...

JON CORZINE IS TAKING "NEW JERSEY" SO LITERALLY: "Asked directly if he thought Christie was fat, Corzine touched his bare head, smiled and said, 'Am I bald?'" By default Jon Corzine is now automatically governor of eighth grade...

Corzine Ad: Don’t Vote For My Super-Duper Fat Fatty McFatfat Opponent

Oh, how we are looking forward to the midterm elections! They're the most fun: dozens of close races where we couldn't care less about who wins, each defined by some hilarious racist remark or decades-old hotel affair or nutty...

Obese Donut-and-Dove-Bar Sucking Slobs Deciding Health Care Reform

With two-thirds of the nation officially fat and $150 billion spent annually on easily preventable health problems caused specifically by obesity, you might think Health Care Reform -- any of the hundred versions -- would start with "Do not...

New Study Proves It: Two-Thirds of Americans Officially Fat

Huzzah for the Can-Do spirit of Americans, who continue to just pile on the pounds despite the nation's crushed economy. Turns out you don't need much money to become obese! And without jobs, Americans have more time than ever...