Wonkette

Here’s a new thing from MoveOn.Org, which links vaguely troubled North Carolina Senator Elizabeth Dole to that bastard John McCain, who is leading in North Carolina. They give money to oil companies! And in case someone saying “in the pocket of Big Oil” is not stark enough of an image, this ad actually shows a man in a suit whose tie says “Big Oil” carrying photographs of each John McCain and Liddy Dole in his hanky pocket. The image would’ve been much stronger (and more adorable!) if it was an actual Fat Cat wearing the suit. [YouTube via The Plank]

Rather than risk the wrath of the all-powerful Fourniers, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal vetoed a bill to double the salaries of state legislators. As a result, the state will have literally hundreds more dollars to spend on ball-withering chemicals and maps of the planet Earth showing Adam and Eve riding dinosaurs in Spain. [Times-Picayune]

The world is an evil place, controlled by money, oil, liquor, Hollywood, and women. When these forces of vice combine, we call the beast “Wealthy pro-Clinton Democrats.” Today this cabal got pushy with powerful House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and called on her “to back away from previous comments and reaffirm that superdelegates should be free to back whichever candidate they believe would be the party’s best nominee.” Fortunately, this does not confirm any stereotypes about money and power and the political process. MORE »

Tomorrow marks the fifth anniversary of our glorious Iraq War, and naturally there are those liberals who still want to stop Freedom while it’s on the March. A whole slate of protests are planned for D.C. tomorrow, and they each have adorable little protest themes, like “Funk the War” and “March of the Dead.” Some protesters will be violent, some will be invading your offices, some will just be. Taken as a whole, however, the planned riots should disrupt traffic just enough to convince the oily Fat Cats to end all Iraq wars immediately. After the jump, a memo with many or all of the planned protests. MORE »

John McCain will address the Council for National Policy, a secret group of Republican donors who usually don’t tell anyone anything. According to a copy of their rules, “The media should not know when or where we meet or who takes part in our programs, before or after a meeting.” Unless it’s the Washington Times, who delivered the big scoop today! Thanks, Moonie Terrorists! [WT] MORE »

How the hell is Mike Huckabee doing these days? Well, he’s thirsty, and he’s still running for President of Jesus, and to finance both of these things he delivered a paid speech in the Cayman Islands — where the Fat Cats hide their money — this weekend. Wonkette operative “Mikey G.” happened to spot Huckabee at Miami Airport on Sunday, presumably when our heroic candidate was returning from his Island holiday. Huckabee, of course, was very alone, and no one knew who he was. MORE »