Tag Archives: fast and furious

  Show us on the doll where Obama touched Lady Liberty

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked to find out that a full 67% of folks who voted for Mitt Romney in 2012 still like the Duggars better than Obama, whereas 87% of Obama voters think Obama is better than kid-touchers and the people who cover for them. THERE’S YOUR PARTISAN DIVIDE, AMERICA. Read more on Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse…
  Going-Away Present

Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill

We'll always have reindeer
Wonkette readers have been kept well-informed about reindeer-farming Michigan congressman Kerry Bentivolio — from before he even officially won his 2012 election, when this site identified him as a potential heir to Michele Bachmann‘s Krazy Krown, to the raving retrospective when Bentivolio lost his primary this August. Read more on Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill…
  strange fruit

These Real Patriotic Americans Just Want To Hang Obama From A Tree Is All

KKKlassy
Everyone knows that it was Jesus who wrote the Constitution, and what better way to exercise your biblical rights to petition your government than to gather half a dozen like-minded ‘Mericans outside the White House to have a good chuckle about killing the president? Read more on These Real Patriotic Americans Just Want To Hang Obama From A Tree Is All…
  sext machine

National Review Online Really Wants To Read Eric Holder Word-Sexing His Wife

Portrait of a man looking forward to a nice university president job
Eric Holder, who is kind of a jerk sometimes and is pretty great other times, is in some sort of lawsuit or something because Fast & Furious Ebolagate Solyndraghazi. But did you know he has claimed he shouldn’t have to turn over in discovery some emails he sent to his wife? National Review Online knows, and they are all like “we will parse this legal mumbo jumbo and wonder what kind of exemption from discovery he could possibly be claiming, blah blah blah lawyer thing, we’re boring.” Read more on National Review Online Really Wants To Read Eric Holder Word-Sexing His Wife…
  property rights uber alles

Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free

Do you dig Mike Huckabee? Who doesn’t, really? If you do, you’ll definitely be into his speech at the Conservative Value Freedom Summit God Bless America Property Rights Jamboree thing over the weekend, sponsored, of course, by Citizens United and Americans For Prosperity. Huckabee, like every other conservative there, was stroking himself off to the thought that there might be an insurrection uprising shootout fun time over Cliven Bundy’s refusal to pay fees to graze his cattle on public land, because everyone knows that God meant for Americans to use every last bit of land for their personal gain whether they own it or not, because freedom. But Huckabee took his haranguing one step farther, and managed to do a conservative greatest hit concert and hit every imaginary grievance those people have. Oh, and he also decided he’d rather live in North Korea because of all their freedoms. Read more on Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free…
  unprecedented rudeness? how would you tell?

Attorney General Eric Holder Continues War Of Wits With Unarmed Louie Gohmert

Just a day after Louie Gohmert’s passive-aggressive snottiness toward him in a House hearing, Attorney General Eric Holder subtweeted the Texas Republican in a speech Holder gave to the National Action Network. On Tuesday, Gohmert had suggested that Holder was not taking a 2012 House vote to hold him in contempt seriously enough, a comment that led Holder to bristle and fire back at Gohmert, “You don’t want to go there, buddy.” So yesterday, Holder continued to cast aspersions on Gohmert and his asparagus, although not by name, because Eric Holder is a gentleman. A gentleman with a very sharply pointed walking stick and maybe a lead-filled sap in his pocket, but definitely a gentleman. Read more on Attorney General Eric Holder Continues War Of Wits With Unarmed Louie Gohmert…
  hhs tells issa to suck it

No Fair — How Can Darrell Issa Leak Obamacare Website Security Info If HHS Won’t Trust Him?

When we first read this article about notorious cosmic dingleberry Darrell Issa (R-Satan’s Bunghole), we seriously had a newsgasm. After cleaning up our computer screen, we have been laughing ever since, because… well, this is just so awesome, even though it is from Politico: The Health and Human Services Department told… Chairman Darrell Issa [R-CA] that it won’t turn over documents related to the security of the Healthcare.gov website because it can’t trust him to keep secret information that could give hackers a roadmap to wreak havoc on the system. Issa is apparently none too happy, last seen stomping his feet and whining and carrying on, showing his true colors as a shitty little titty-baby. Come, fellow wonkeroos of wonklandia, let’s awesomesplore an agency finally calling out Issa for being the despicable rat-fucking piece of human filth that he is.  Read more on No Fair — How Can Darrell Issa Leak Obamacare Website Security Info If HHS Won’t Trust Him?…
  self-inflicted derp

Darrell Issa Gets Dressed Down By Federal Court Judge For Being Stupid, Arrogant Whiny-Baby

If you woke up this morning and thought that there was a foul odor wafting through the universe, your senses were not deceiving you. Cosmic skidmark Darrell Issa (R-CA) is back in the news. This time it’s about his lawsuit against Attorney General Eric Holder and the whole Fast & Furious thingy. Apparently, Issa is acutely perturbed that his TWO-YEAR OLD lawsuit is hitting some roadblocks, per Slate: DOJ [The Department of Justice] asked the court to delay court proceedings, explaining that its appropriations had lapsed on Sept. 30, and that “Absent an appropriation, Department of Justice attorneys and employees are prohibited from working, even on a voluntary basis, except in very limited circumstances, including ‘emergencies involving the safety of human life or the protection of property.’” Well, this did not sit well with Issa, who filed a motion with the Court to make the DOJ keep working on this particular project, because… well, because Issa apparently doesn’t understand that when he votes to shut down the government, it means ALL the government, not just the parts he doesn’t like. Let’s see what a federal judge has to say.  Read more on Darrell Issa Gets Dressed Down By Federal Court Judge For Being Stupid, Arrogant Whiny-Baby…
  are you afraid to die?

Hitherto Undiscovered Wingnut Sarah Hoyt Makes Strong Wonkette Debut With Kirk Douglas Fanfic

Folks, we are pleased as punch to introduce the newest member of yr Wonkette family, a brand new bouncing baby wingnut named Sarah Hoyt. She’s picture perfect right out the gate. Robert Heinlein quote? Check. Distressingly aged homemade website? Check. Self-published science fiction writer? Check. One million word arglebargle post about how we are living in the end times/1984/Obama empire and she will stand for it no longer because she is Spartacus?? Check, check, check and oh HELL YEAH CHECK. Read more on Hitherto Undiscovered Wingnut Sarah Hoyt Makes Strong Wonkette Debut With Kirk Douglas Fanfic…
  paging nurse ratched

Totally Sane Congressman: Obama Is Hiding Benghazi Witnesses Away, Probably In FEMA Camps, Why Not

We here at this little mommyblog sometimes take issue with the wingnut wing of the Republican Party, what with their scandal-non-scandals, hyping of misinformation, and the occasional outright lie because of deep-seated racism surface-level racism being awful human beings. But every now and then along comes a sad, pathetic Congresscritter who has truly gone over the edge of sanity and begun frothing at the mouth and ranting incoherently to the point that we feel pity rather than anger. The Hill depicts one of these sad shells of a human being: Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-S.C.) is accusing the Obama administration of a massive cover-up in the deadly Benghazi terrorist attack, saying it was “dispersing” witnesses around the country and changing their names in an effort to hide the truth about what happened. This makes us want to get him a glass of warm milk, encourage him to take his meds, and just go to bed. There there, Trey, there there. No, it’s ok – we sprinkled magic fairy Reagan dust, so there are no librul monsters under your bed, rest easy and dream of “Dr.” Beck.  Read more on Totally Sane Congressman: Obama Is Hiding Benghazi Witnesses Away, Probably In FEMA Camps, Why Not…
  congressional racist caucus

Allen West Is Surrounded By Racists And They Are All Black Congressmen

Congressman Allen West hates it when black people play the race card. Hates it so much, that when they play it, he plays it right back, just to show ’em. He’s the one who first put forward that Obamacare’s 10-percent “tanning tax” was racist, for example, because, well, he’s not doing any tanning, eh? More recently, he very courageously responded to fictional racism from Bill Maher by having a fundraising drive, and now… well, now the fight is even more dire. There are more racists, you see, racistly using the race card for their racist ends. And they’re very cleverly disguised — so well disguised, in fact, that to the ordinary voter might mistake his accusation for being incredibly stupid. But no, Voter, you’d be wrong. Those racists are the Congressional Black Caucus. Read more on Allen West Is Surrounded By Racists And They Are All Black Congressmen…
  crazy old men

Watch This Congressional Fellow Yelling Fast And Furiously About The Rule of Law And Whatnot

What is Congressman Trey Gowdy (R-SC) yelling about today? And if that name seems familiar, it is because he was in the news about a year ago for comparing same sex marriage to incest and on Fox “News” a few days ago referring to Nancy Pelosi as “mind numbingly stupid.” And then a few days after that, he opined that Nancy Pelosi should “see a mental health professional.” Today, however, he has had a rough go of it since the Supreme Court took away his Freedom so he is really letting it all hang out (and the NRO was kind enough to post the video in its entirety because of Journalism.) You see, he just wants the TRUTH about Fast and Furious, is that so much to ask? Just the truth about how some agent got killed (even though as it turns out it maybe wasn’t quite so nefarious?) and the truth about why this is all HAPPENING, is that so much to ask?? IS IT?? Read more on Watch This Congressional Fellow Yelling Fast And Furiously About The Rule of Law And Whatnot…
  journalism is dead

CNN Typist LZ Granderson Simply Does Not Care For Investigative Reporting

Americans are so NOSY, you guys, what with their unrelenting interference in Vice Presidential matters and this bizarre obsession with “unsealing” classified documents to better understand the mistakes and triumphs of the past. Thomas Jefferson? Moron. James Madison? Hippie. And don’t even get me started on George Washington. Via an Op-ed piece by CNN journalist typist LZ Granderson: We are a nosy country. Though to be fair, it’s not entirely our fault. Between the 24/7 news cycle, social media and reality TV, we have been spoon fed other people’s private business for so long we now assume it’s a given to know everything. And if there are people who choose not to disclose, they must be hiding something. Being told that something’s “none of your business” is slowly being characterized as rude, and if such a statement is coming from the government, it seems incriminating. Times have changed. Yet, not everything is our business. And in the political arena, there are things that should be and need to be kept quiet. Couldn’t agree more. Interest in Kim Kardashian’s comings and goings is exactly like an interest in, say, the meeting minutes between oil executives and elected officials, or the reasons for firing federal prosecutors along ideological lines. EXACTLY THE SAME, especially when the government is just doing its darndest to Keep Us Safe.™ What is this, Iceland? Read more on CNN Typist LZ Granderson Simply Does Not Care For Investigative Reporting…
  blame canada

Governor Asks Shooters Pretty Please Self-Regulate While Utah Burns Because Of Shooters

OK cowboys and cowgirls, gather ’round the semi-automatic campfire for a heartwarming story of the destruction of land, homes and wildlife in the great American state of Utah. Here’s the story in a nutshell: Utah’s “Dump Fire” (so named because it was set off by some Utahans target shooting at a dump) is only 30% contained and has so far destroyed 4200 acres, with 9000 people evacuated from their homes and a threat that the fires will take down the power grid for 7000 homes. In a state that has the mostest laxiest gunnery laws in the U. S. of A. and has been called a factory for concealed-weapon permits for out-of-state gun owners (in 2011, out of 347,262 active permits, 200,525 belong to nonresidents), the governor is, well, outgunned and can do nothing but beg like a weasel for gun owners to “self-regulate.” Read more on Governor Asks Shooters Pretty Please Self-Regulate While Utah Burns Because Of Shooters…
  and who said accountability was dead

Darrell Issa Will Put Eric Holder In Gitmo Forever And Then Steal His Cars

Oil-soaked arsonist car thief Rep. Darrell Issa, the unlikely subpoena-wielding chair of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, appears at long last to be fulfilling his duty of stickin’ it to the Obama administration over one grossly exaggerated scandal during an election year. Since Issa and AG Eric Holder weren’t able to reach a deal about releasing documents pertaining to Operation Fast and Furious, the ATF “gun walking” sting gone wrong, both sides are digging in for the coming annoyances. Evil authoritarian Barack Obama today became a Man by invoking executive privelege for the first time; Issa’s committee, meanwhile, is prepared to hold a contempt vote on Holder this afternoon. So exciting! How much longer can it be before Rep. Dan Burton starts shooting pumpkins? Read more on Darrell Issa Will Put Eric Holder In Gitmo Forever And Then Steal His Cars…