Tag: farm bill

are these the good kind of handouts or the bad kind...?

House GOP Will Return Dignity To Poor By Starving Them

In their never-ending quest to prevent the safety net from catching actual poor people, the House GOP is once again taking aim at one of its favorite targets -- all of the Food Stamps. Invoking Track 4 of their Greatest Hits,...

Social Security Administration Just Stealing Tax Refunds at Random, Basically

One time, we woke up and checked our piddling bank account and we were like, “Hmm, extra money, DON’T MIND IF WE DO!” And then our banking overlords quickly got in touch with us and were like, oooooh, sorry...

Kentucky Senate Candidate Matt Bevin Accidentally Thinks Chicken Boxing Is Awesome States’ Rights Issue

Look, don't go getting any funny ideas about Mitch McConnell's teabagging primary opponent Matt Bevin being a supporter of cockfighting just because he gave a speech to a pro-cockfighting rally. All he saw on his schedule last Saturday morning...

States Find Farm Bill Loophole To Feed Poor People; Jesus And GOP Righteously Pissed

TRIGGER WARNING: It appears that several states are following the law as laid out in the new farm bill to… wait for it… help poor people eat!!!!1!1! Oh, the humanity! Are you outraged? Are you clutching your pearls while your...

Cocky Mitch McConnell Fights Cockfighting In Farm Bill, Cockfighting Fans Furious

Cockfighting is a "sport" in which angry, often drugged male chickens, or "cocks," try to kill each other in "rings" (called "cock rings") using their beaks, spurs, and sometimes razor blades or other weapons that their owners (called "real...

A Slightly More Sober Discussion Of President Obama’s State Of The Union Awesomeness

Gentlemen, did you wake up this morning with a little extra pep in your Mr. Peepers? We sure did, because WE FINALLY GOT OUR PRESIDENT BACK! It’s like that awesome hopey and changey guy from 2008 snuck back out...

John Boehner Makes Terrible Case For Not Raising Minimum Wage, Great Case For Him Being Dumber Than A Fruit Smoothie

Comrade Barack Barakovich’s announcement that he will raise the minimum wage for workers under federal contracts to the economy-destroying level of $10.10 an hour is already getting pushback from the highest (and drunkest) levels of Congress. That would be...

Heritage Foundation Notes Food Stamps Given To Stupid College Grads Who Picked Wrong Major Like German Or Not Business

From excessive drinking to being high pretty much all the time to a wardrobe consisting of only pajamas, blogging college sure is a rockin good time. And, it helps you get a job that pays money, which enables you...

Only 1085 Days Left Until The Next Presidential Election, Let’s All Go Die

OhEmmGee, you guys! Remember how a year ago we were all Hopey and Changey Part II and still drunkenly reveling in the streets because Blablack Blackbama was returning triumphantly to the White House and we were finally done with...

USDA Finds Farm Subsidy Waste, So GOP Will Cut Food Stamps

So our little mommyblog has been harping on the Republicans in Congress because of their strong desire to ensure that poor people don’t eat, because poor people are just wasting taxpayer monies by being frauds. Luckily, the USDA (which...

Sarah Palin: Get The Government Out Of Our Government Farm Subsidies

Speaking at a place that is actually called "Hefty Farms," Sarah Palin wowed a North Dakota crowd with her trademark small-government arglebargle: Palin got the biggest applause when she said, “I would argue what farmers need most is for politicians...

Republicans Vow To Cut Food Stamps In Areas Full Of Lazy Republicans

As the GOP War On Food Stamps rolls on this summer, Bloomberg.com has released a report looking at the political makeup of areas where food stamp rolls have expanded. Here's a bit of a "surprise": Among the 254 counties where...

Zombies Find Cashing In On Farm Subsidies More Lucrative Than Voting

So the GOP has been on a tirade about combating voter fraud by dead people, even though after spending millions of dollars like the folks in South Carolina, they find out that dead people aren't voting, because they are...

These Millionaire Republican Congressmen Who Took Farm Aid Probably Really Needed The Money

Well, Wonkeroos, we have a new, strong contender for the coveted Legislative Badass of the Year award. This nominee enters the competition by calling out hypocrisy from his House GOP colleagues in an awesome new report titled “Pork Barrel...

Welfare for Farmers Bill Passes House; Food Stamps Not Included Because Poors Can Suck It

So remember when World’s Orangest Speaker John Boehner brought up the Farm Bill for a vote and it failed miserably because the GOP is terrible at governing? Ahhh, good times. Well, as Alex noted a few days ago, the...

House GOP Drunk Again, Spending All Your Food Stamps On Lottery Tickets, Corporate Farms

We had a good laugh when House GOP leadership put the 2013 Farm Bill up for a vote, certain it would pass, but whoops, it failed instead! In the very embarrassing aftermath, Eric Cantor was like, “It’s the Democrats’...