Wonkette

Ed Henry was just hanging out by the White House, as is his custom, when he noticed “a group of Secret Service agents” hassling a black man. Naturally, Ed “didn’t think too much of it.” That happens all the time! But it turned out to be a famous black man. Dave Chappelle, popular comedian! MORE »

We’re always terribly excited when Washington gets some real Hollywood star power — who doesn’t get a little thrill from spotting a celebrity in our neck of the woods? We know we’re thrilled to report this list of Tinseltown stars hanging around our humble district today: MORE »

Sanjaya Malakar, the Barack Obama of American Idol, except that he lost while Obama will be assassinated by the CIA, is the newest announced guest of People magazine to attend the White House Correspondents’ Association gala dinner. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: DC Madam’s lawyer says it’s a “mathematical certainty” that his client’s client list includes someone you’ve heard of, or at least someone who works for someone you’ve heard of… Richard Gere will testify before the Senate Foreign Relations committee. Oh, so will Wyclef Jean. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Jenna Bush book blah blah boxcar etc etc… Scooter Libby too sad to eat, Karen Hughes and Mrs Joe Lieberman lunched together. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: “The flag flying in the middle of Battleground National Cemetery on Georgia Avenue is dirty, tattered and hanging from only one ring of the pole, which itself is in need of repair.” … Howard Baker Jr., Tom Daschle, Bob Dole and George Mitchell have a new pickup basketball team think tank. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Former House staffer has written a play full of thinly-veiled characters and lotsa laffs. [Politico]
* Rush & Molloy: Island Def Jam head throws a party for Barack Obama. Barry Hussein got Beyonce’s autograph. [NYDN]

* Reliable Source: Steven Spielberg is a big liar. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: The Barenaked Ladies headlined the RIAA party even though they hate the RIAA… Former Boehner spokesman left for Romney’s campaign, recommended replacement who is smarter and better than him. Notable for use of the word “Boehnerland.” [Examiner]
* Rush & Molloy: Alec Baldwin says Obama ain’t ready, doesn’t like Hillary much either. Ben Affleck disagrees. We’re drinking at noon. [NYDN]

* Fake Kitty Harris and real Fancy Ford sightings at Morton’s last night. [blah, blah black sheep]
* Plus, Angelina Jolie possibly in town, Robert DeNiro and Matt Damon in Fairfax. [DCist]
* The Smoking Ban is coming. You guys realize this was half the reason we moved here from New York, right? We’d never even heard of a “Wonkette,” we just wanted a smoke with our Manhattan. [hey pretty]
* The WABA Holiday Party is tonight from 5-8PM. [WABA]
* Give yourself that holiday bonus by making your own stationery movies. [Whatever Happened to My...]
* “I like to read the New Yorker and the Writer’s Almanac, play soccer and swim and listen to Beethoven. But I want to cavort naked with a sensual, smart, self-confident woman…” [Craigslist]

• Reliable Source: “Body language” expert handicaps some races. Michael Steele holds “an invisible basketball”… More proof that women cannot be trusted in positions of power: Nancy Pelosi may skip election day. Not to go hunting like a man, but to watch her daughter deposit another wretched child onto this godforsaken overcrowded planet. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: The following celebrities were here for unimportant reasons: Wilmer Valderrama, Lionel Richie, and Robert Duvall… Hippies hold big hippie party in Meridan Park, hope to convince other hippies to vote, if they’re not too high. [Examiner]
• Rush and Molloy: Chelsea Clinton gets job with fancy hedge fund, boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky works at one of their brokers. Office sex to follow office rail-blowing. [NYDN]

New York, LA, New York, LA — no one gives a shit about DC until their tangentially-related-to-public-service movie has to premiere, then all of a sudden Cleveland Park is where it’s at. At least a solid Demi Moore sighting came out of the screening of The Guardian last week, but she’s not even in it. And while Demi is gone already, some people just never leave, as evidenced by the above photo of (the back of) Tom DeLay duck-walking down H St. Others that were Wonk’d this week: Marion Barry needs his ride pimped, Harriet Miers shops for pimp threads, and the prince of darkness is overheard on his cell phone asking, “Is Bob Novak gonna have to choke a bitch?” All these and your third favorite Ghostbuster, after the jump.

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BREAKING! CRAZY CULT FIGURE TO ATTEND FOOTBALL GAME WITH BRAINWASHED CHILD BRIDE AND ASIAN BABY! MORE »

The Billings Gazette reports that Senator Conrad Burns’ reasoned, calm criticism of America’s Favoritest Heroes Evah (aka “firefighters”) was, in fact, a little more strongly worded (and blasphemous) than the official report indicated: MORE »