Tag: family research council

Your tax dollars at work

Team Of Evils: Education Nominee Betsy DeVos Hates Public Schools, Satan. Did We Get Lucky?

Yeah, this one's about as awful as you'd expect, too.

‘Let’s Roll!’ Gary Bauer Tells Values Voters They Must Crash America To Save It

It's also OK to crash the plane if you really, really don't like the flight crew's politics.

God Must Have Forgot To Tell Tony Perkins To Build An Ark For Latest Great Flood

Leading religious right bigot loses home in Baton Rouge flooding, and you know what? We are very sorry that happened.

Washington Post Says Trump Teaching GOP To Love The Gays, LOL Shut Up, Washington Post

How weird, since Trump is addressing an INSANE anti-gay summit this week!

Utah Republican Wishes Porn Would Stop Forcing Utah Republican To Watch Porn

Know those hilarious statistics that say the most sexxx porn is watched by residents of the most conservative states, like Utah? We're not a social scientist, but we'd guess it has something to do with how if something is intensely condemned by...

Louie Gohmert Would Have Gotten A Stiffie And Here’s Why

Texas Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert doesn't have an erection right now. (Unless he does.) But Louie Gohmert gets boners sometimes, and he knows sometimes there need to be laws, to protect people from his boners. He explained this to...
PFFFFFT JESUS.

Sarah Palin Would Never Judge You For Not Loving Jesus, As Long As You’re Donald Trump

Oh ho ho ho ho, you want to eat a fried moose sandwich with OMG hypocrisy sauce for breakfast this morning, the day of the big Iowa caucuses? Sarah Palin, whose latest grift (except for this one) is writing...
Cocktail hour.

Moron Todd Starnes Says Moron Todd Starnes Is Moron

Suspected pee enthusiast and Fox News shouty mad face Todd Starnes is having a confuse! You see, the other day Donald Trump talked Jesus words to the virginal students of Liberty University, and he Bibled wrong, because he said...
The Yoogest Story Ever Told

Southern Baptist Leader Calls Donald Trump Filthy Slutty Gambling Glutton Whore

Oh bother! The evangelicals are getting itchy in their Underoos again, what with the cognitive dissonance of Donald Trump -- who does all the seven deadly sins before breakfast, including the one about wanting to fuck his daughter -- being the frontrunner for...

BREAKING: Kim Davis Did NOT Say President Obama’s SOTU Speech Was ‘Good’

Attention, please! Important journalism update! As we all know, the most important news of the week -- if not the whole year or the whole EVER! -- is that Kim Davis, the gay-hatin' quadruple-married ex-whore-slash-clerk of Rowan County, Kentucky,...
Huck would like to bitch and moan some more please.

Mike Huckabee Hates The Religious Right And Wishes It Were Dead

Mike Huckabee's river of leaking butthurt continues to flood across America. Hope you're wearing your parka and your galoshes! He's really upset because nobody loves him, even after he's done SO MUCH to lick the areolas of the establishment religious right....
WHAT A YEAR AMIRITE?

Dear Jesus, What A Year 2015 Was! A Letter From Michelle Duggar

Dear friends, family, fellow sidehuggers, and Jesus: OHHHHHHHH! WHAT A YEAR THE DUGGARS HAVE HAD! We have been walking strong in the Lord, but sometimes He just throws you a curveball you weren't expecting! For instance, did you know that the...
SAD HUCK.

Mike Huckabee Sad Everyone Hates Him So Much, Even Jesus

Oh, dear, it must be double super tough to be a "Mike Huckabee" these days! He can't pay his own campaign staffers, and he's noticed, suddenly all of a sudden, how everybody who's alive hates him, and also everybody...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

Pa Duggar Teaches Menfolk How Not To Be Gross Perverts Like His Son Josh

Being a grown-up fundamentalist Christian man is tough, you guys. You try to stay on the straight and narrow, bein' real good and Christ-like as you teach everybody how to hate the gaygenders at your Family Research Council hate...
Not sure if this is the judge or not, we just found it on the internet.

Arkansas Judge Invited Hot White Felon Boys Over For Sexytime. Totally Normal.

Judging is real tough because sometimes you're just going about your day and saying "GUILTY!" and "IT'S SLAMMER TIME, MAURICE," but then you get distracted by all the OMG CUTE WHITE GUY BUTTOCKS that came through your courtroom for...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

Duggars To Announce New Jesus-Approved Boning Rituals Very Soon!

Oh, what a wonder it is, as your 19 children barely reach the age of sexual maturity and you set to the task of finding arranged marriage Christian diddle-sex partners for them, so they may each have 19 children...