Tag Archives: family research council

  Ain't gonna work no way no how

Let’s Go To Rehab With Josh Duggar And Learn How To Give Our Penises To Jesus

Duggar's looking forward to the laying on of hands part.
Duggar’s looking forward to the laying on of hands part. Once upon a time, a teenage boy called Josh Duggar got in BIG trouble with his fundamentalist Christian mom and dad, for sticking his fingers inside his sisters, so they sent him to a big city called Little Rock, where a “family friend” could teach him not to do that anymore, through professional counseling doing manual labor and talking about Jesus a whole bunch. And it worked! (They say.) Josh Duggar never diddled a family member again! (That we know of.) Read more on Let’s Go To Rehab With Josh Duggar And Learn How To Give Our Penises To Jesus…
  Nailed!

Obvious Gay Hooker Service Raided For Being Obvious Gay Hooker Service

Did anyone order a COMPANION?
Did anyone order a NONSEXUAL COMPANION? Being a gay hooker is illegal in U.S. America, except for in parts of Nevada or whatever. It’s not the “gay” part that’s illegal, otherwise we’d all be outlaws! We’re not here to debate whether hooking should be legalized or not, and we’re neither here to shame sex workers nor say anything particularly nice about them either. Let’s just all agree they exist! Read more on Obvious Gay Hooker Service Raided For Being Obvious Gay Hooker Service…
  Drink their tears

Oh No, Josh Duggar’s Cheatin’ Penis Makes The Family Values Crowd Look Bad!

Maybe this is happening because Jesus hates you.
Maybe this is happening because Jesus hates you. Oh no, Josh Duggar has strayed from his Christian marriage by getting on the internet to find strange hoo-ha to dip his Duggar Stick into, and the Family Research Council, AKA the Southern Poverty Law Center-designated “family values” hate group where Duggar used to work before the world found out about how he did Bible Diddles to his sisters, is SO VERY DISAPPOINTED. Because culture warriors, you see, are sinless (mostly) men, who have never been caught doing the very same things they preach against and demonize, no not ever, no way, that’s just your imagination. These are Jesus’s personal BFFs! Read more on Oh No, Josh Duggar’s Cheatin’ Penis Makes The Family Values Crowd Look Bad!…
  pr0n

Josh Duggar Real Sorry Porn Demons Forced His Penis Into Strange Ladies

Daddy, I did the bad sex again :(
Daddy, I did the bad sex again :( Well that was fast! Late Wednesday, we learned that “family values” fuckstick Josh Duggar was one of the eleventy-million dudes (they are almost all dudes) who had accounts on the Ashley Madison website, we guess for the purposes of getting his dick wet in ladycaves what do not belong to his wife. This is very much a sin according to Leviticus 18, which you’d think he would have read at least once, considering how he and his family have been fighting their own low-rent version of the Crusades against LGBT people for all these years. Guess the only part of that passage that’s really important is verse 22, affectionately known by devout believers as “the one about buttsex.” Read more on Josh Duggar Real Sorry Porn Demons Forced His Penis Into Strange Ladies…
  He seemed nice

Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!

Just another member of the Lone Wolf Freedom Shooty Brigade Of Lone Wolves
If the online footprint of the Lafayette shooter identified by police as John Russell Houser, who killed two and injured nine others during a Thursday night showing of Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck before then killing himself, is any indication, Obama has really outdone himself in the false flag department this time. What did Houser hate? Pretty much everything that’s good and decent. What did he love? The Tea Party (at least enough to have an account, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, on the Tea Party Nation website), white supremacy, and also, too, Hitler. Let’s have a look-see, starting with a Twitter account bearing Houser’s name, and with only two tweets: Read more on Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!…
  helpful hints

An Open Letter To Gawker, From Your Friend Wonkette

Dear Gawker, So, you removed that post. You know, the one about a married man (whose name we will not be mentioning) trying to score some hot gay sex on the sly, away from his wife’s prying eyes — or maybe with her blessing, we don’t know the terms of their marriage, and neither do you. You have said you’re sorry, SORT OF. You SHOULD be sorry, not that your “apologies” really count at this point, since the story is already out there on the internet, even if you’ve removed it, and you’ve likely done immeasurable damage to him and to his family in the last 24 hours. Read more on An Open Letter To Gawker, From Your Friend Wonkette…
  After we stopped crying we started giggling

Wingnuts Very Upset That Gay Jihadists Just Did 9/11 To America

HELP, JESUS!
When news broke that the Supreme Court had forcibly crammed gay marriage down the throatholes of every God-fearing American, our first instinct (AFTER CRYING) was go check Bryan Fischer’s Twitter-Twatter page. And he had said nothing! “WAKE UP, BRYAN FISCHER!,” we said to no one in particular, but apparently we successfully summoned the demon, because HOLY SHIT Y’ALL, he is having a meltdown of the most beautiful, epic proportions. Let’s point and laugh as Bryan Fischer explains how gay jihadists have just done a whole new 9/11 to America: Read more on Wingnuts Very Upset That Gay Jihadists Just Did 9/11 To America…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: Leave The Duggars Alooooooone

Takes one to know one...
Hey, we promised you a Duggars ShitFerBrains, and then last week we had to go and write about that children’s book about Hell instead, so here we finally are with the best of the worst of our deleted Duggars comments, whee! Yr Wonkette is always servicey! Also, most of this week’s deleted comments were just tedious. Trolls need to up their game. (Oh, there’s no way we’ll come to regret saying that…) Read more on Deleted Comments: Leave The Duggars Alooooooone…
  NSFW because Huckabee

Mike Huckabee Wants You To Know He’s Still Mighty Proud To Be A-Hole

Not sorry one bit
Grinning sack of deep-fried squirrel meat Mike Huckabee is a jerk and a pervert, and he’s damn proud of that, mister. Damn proud. Last week, we learned about his EWWWWWW GROSS fantasies of pretending to be transgender in high school, to sneak into the girls’ locker room and ogle their lady privates, like a pervert, HAW HAW. Read more on Mike Huckabee Wants You To Know He’s Still Mighty Proud To Be A-Hole…
  The Clenis Rises Again

Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comSo here is a thing we know. We know that Josh Duggar did naughty sex things to five little girls, four of whom were his sisters. And Ma and Pa Duggar — being strict adherents of a religious cult that believes if you inappropriately touch your sister, it’s because her unholy whore hole was just askin’ for it, like the Bible says — thought it best to keep that quiet instead of, like, protecting their daughters. How do we know this? Because the Duggars released statements admitting that Josh did a bad, but he is sorry and his family is all A-OK with that now, and none of them have denied any of the details in the police report or any reported details about how they “handled” Josh’s molestation of his sisters. Read more on Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really….
  Mad About A Thing

Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming

Fun-employed
Are we even remotely surprised that the oh-so-holy Family ValuesTM Duggars have been keeping a dirty secret about that time Josh Duggar repeatedly molested his sisters, and his parents knew and did not do a goddamned thing about it, except for (eventually) sending him off to sex rehab to learn about how his slutty sisters sinfully tempted him, so it’s not really his fault anyway? No. No, we are not. Read more on Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming…
  mommyblogging

How Not To Counsel Your Daughters When They’ve Been Molested By Josh Duggar

Let us tell you our sex fantasies.
It’s okay to feel sorry for Josh Duggar — we as liberals know teenage boys’ brains haven’t finished developing yet, which is why we don’t like sending them to the electric chair. Liberals also know we are molded by our circumstances: He was so young (assuming — assuming — his sexcrime spree has ended). Plus, he’s got those parents, and all that sexual dysfunction, and the bizarre patriarchal bullshit, and the constant lessons that Eve (even in the form of his preteen sisters, apparently) is there to tempt him from righteousness, I mean my god. We also know that nobody is all good or all bad, except Dick Cheney. Read more on How Not To Counsel Your Daughters When They’ve Been Molested By Josh Duggar…
  Wonkette makes photo gallery like Buzzfeed

Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters

Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Josh Duggar and the entire Duggar clan are Family Values People. They believe in things like Traditional Marriage and No Trannies In The Little Girls’ Room, because apparently that’s more dangerous than Josh Duggar In The Little Girls’ Room. The family’s record of open wingnuttery and anti-gay/anti-trans hate landed young Joshua a sweet position with the Family Research Council hate group, which is headed up by Tony Perkins, who started his career off by purchasing David Duke’s mailing list. Yes, THAT David Duke. Read more on Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters…
  surprise!

Gross Josh Duggar Admits To Molesting His Own Sisters, Resigns From Family Research Council

Photo by Beth Ethier This story has been updated with news of Josh Duggar’s resignation from the Family Research Council, see below. Wednesday, Wonkette reported that Josh Duggar, who now works for the anti-gay Family Research Council hate group, had been accused of maybe sex criming a minor, when he was 14. Wonkette used a lot of “allegedly” in our report, because there was a lot that hadn’t been confirmed, and people sure do hate the Duggars, with good reason. However, InTouch Magazine, which broke the original story, obtained a copy of the 2006 police report on Josh Duggar through a Freedom of Information Act request (FOIA) and boy howdy, it’s a lot grosser than we thought. Read more on Gross Josh Duggar Admits To Molesting His Own Sisters, Resigns From Family Research Council…
  Allegedly

Oh, Did Dumb Josh Duggar Do A Sex Crime When He Was 17, Just Like Jesus?

Dirty sex crimer or just a asshole?
Well, well, well. WELL. Here is a story about Josh the oldest of 19 Kids & CountingTM Duggar that may or may not be true, who knows, but since the Duggars, including Josh, are fond of saying things that are not true, for their various causes (FYI, Charles Darwin did not do the Holocaust with his theory of evolution), seems only fair that we report this story to you, even if it is made up, for the noble and righteous cause of making you vomit even harder at these dumb assholes. Read more on Oh, Did Dumb Josh Duggar Do A Sex Crime When He Was 17, Just Like Jesus?…
  gross

Ma And Pa Duggar Still Trying To Make ALL The Babies, For Jesus

Don't you just want to confess things to them?
It would seem that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have taken your Wonkette’s advice, about how they need more babies, since the Muslims are going to outnumber the Christians very, very soon (55 years from now). So off to the marital bed they have been skipping, because according to their own words, they’ve been fuckin’. In a new interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, they explained that they are SO EXCITED that their grown-up opposite-married kids are having all the babies (three this year, which is far more output than Michelle ever was able to manage when the Duggar Vagina Clown Car industry was a one-woman operation), and if The Lord is still interested, they’d love it if He would put some more Duggar babies in her babycave, via the holy rod and staff of Jim Bob: Read more on Ma And Pa Duggar Still Trying To Make ALL The Babies, For Jesus…