The best part of this speech (parts one, two, and three) was definitely when Obama started making jokes about Joe Biden, which is how he “deals” with Joe Biden. (”I have no idea who this insane Delaware hustler is, always following me around, ha ha!” etc.) Otherwise we’ve heard a lot about working on green technology, health care, and education, but very little about new Weaponry. How are we to go about the business of Warring? MORE ERIC CANTOR. MORE »

Oh jesus we turned on the CNN and the first thing we heard was your favorite Campbell uttering that most terrifying word from 2008: “expectations.” As in, “Hey Roland, what expectations does President Obama have to meet tonight in order to ‘win’ the American people? David and Jeffrey, you guys just chime in, after Roland.” These people do know that Barack Obama won the election, which was last November, right? Anyway let’s see what other post-analytical proverbs of doom the CNN folks can bestow upon us. MORE »