Joe the Plumber is so angry about something! Are you angry about something or not? Your opinion counts! Here’s your chance: for just $0.99 (hilarious rationale here) you can “sext” Joe the Plumber either your “yes” or your “no” opinion about whether the IRS should be abolished and replaced with the Fair Tax, which is a *fair* tax — says right there in the name, “Fair Tax” got it? What are you illiterate or something? (No cap gains!) YOU’RE NOT SEXTING FAST ENOUGH. [IRSvote]

As a presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee had no money, staff, or knowledge of foreign policy. He did have an economic policy, but it was the Fair Tax, that famously comical pyramid scheme. So how did he get the second most delegates? Metaphors. Extended metaphors. Millions of extended metaphors about key lime pie and yard work and skinning ducks, or other archetypal aspects of the Average American’s daily life. And now that he wants to be John McCain’s vice president, he has a new metaphor to explain the situation: he wants the football captain to ask him to prom, mostly because he wants to wear a pretty dress. MORE »

RON PAUL MUST HELP BLACK VAMPIRE TAX HERO! The Feds threw the book at American cinema/tax hero Wesley Snipes! Three Years for just evading income taxes and escaping to Africa. FREE WESLEY SNIPES! [New York Times]

Movie hero Wesley Snipes is beloved by Americans for killing vampires and helping Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis colonize space planets for the American Dream, but now the Evil American Government is trying to destroy him for protecting your tax rights! The celebrity star is in Florida today so a federal court can sentence him for tax evasion. The feds want to put him in jail for three years! But Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson have arrived in Florida and they are going to bust him out of the joint, hooray! UPDATE: Nooooooo! Three Years! [CNN/Ocala.com]

Mike Huckabee and Fred Thompson are pushing some batshit Scientology scheme to eliminate the IRS so the IRS doesn’t take away Scientology’s tax status as a “religion.” [Wall Street Journal]