Tag: failures

Trump’s Last New Jersey Casino Is Now Just Another Failure In His Empire of Failures

Another Trump-branded business is going bust, but it's OK because it was just a bad deal.

Ron Fournier: Judge George W. Bush By His Bro-Ness, Not His Horribleness

Ron Fournier, the bland and slightly repugnant grocery store brand breakfast cereal of journalism, is very concerned with the state of his profession. No he’s not worried about his fellow commentators once again engaging in hysterical nonsense regarding terrorism,...

James O’Keefe: ‘History Will Absolve Me! Also Send Cash!’

Yesterday, as first reported by your Wonkette (<--COPY LINK HERE, LA TIMES), the world rejoiced upon news that the insufferable date-rapey Dennis the Menace clone known as James O'Keefe III had settled his lawsuit with a former ACORN employee to...

Mitt Romney Assures Businessman That He’ll Be Lucky Enough To Fail One Day

Oh, how the businessmen rib each other! The businessmen in this case being Mitt Romney, whose "business" career was mostly as a hand-shaking middle man who was always insulated from taking the downside on a financial venture that went...

New York Times: Media Stopped Covering Palin Because She’s Washed Up

Hot new scientific data from NYT statistics wizard Nate Silver: "Sarah Palin’s potential candidacy, for instance, is only receiving about one-fifth as much attention as it did several months ago." And why's that? Because a cartoon millionaire who just...

CHINA WILL NOT BE DOING ANY CLIMATE-Y DEAL-MAKING: "In a potentially serious blow to President Obama and Democrats in Washington, who had been counting on a deal coming out of the climate conference in Copenhagen, China has signaled that...

Sarah Palin Just Wants To Help Out With Politics! Why Isn’t Anyone Letting Sarah Palin Help?

Sarah Palin was once elected Governor of Alaska! This is like winning the Nobel Prize in Mattering. So as you can see, this Sarah Palin politics expert knows a thing or two about elections and winning them, mmhmm! It...

CHICAGO HAS LOST DANCING WITH THE STARS AND THEREFORE ITS CHANCE AT HOSTING THE 2016 OLYMPICS. Gold, silver, and bronze Drudge Sirens!!: The important International Olympic Committee cold eliminated Chicago in the first round of city choosing this morning....

Obama Defends His Mom Jeans

The most humiliating moment in our national history -- "America's Waterloo," they called it -- occurred when President Obama threw that pitch to Albert Pujols like a total sally. Compounding the embarrassment was the pair of high-waisted, pouffy jeans...

A VERY SPECIAL PODCAST: This is a recording of that panel your editor attended a month or so back at South by Southwest. Alas, people shouting from the audience didn't get picked up by the microphones, so you don't...

10 Reasons Why George W. Bush Was Such A Very Successful President

When George W. Bush Junior started that goddamned whining during his Last Press Conference, we wanted to crawl through the television screen and throttle him, right there, while he was still technically president. Tragically, current television technology doesn't allow...

Next Secretary Of State: Kerry Or Richardson?

UGGGH JOHN KERRY. The sad horsey lost his 2004 run at the presidency by issuing a stream of terrible proclamations throughout the campaign, which George Bush's oppo team immediately made into commercials: stuff like, "I voted for the $87...

Post-Debate Polls Say Obama Won (Yawn)

Ah, snap polls. Here is how they work: A news-gathering organization rounds up a bunch of plumbers, all named Joe, and puts them in a lockbox where they are forced to look at two people arguing for 90 minutes....

GO GET YOUR MONEY PEOPLE: Collapsing investment banks are yesterday's news, trendsetters! Now we can turn our attention to the biggest possible commercial banks failing miserably, like, say, Washington Mutual. And when that collapses on Sunday, probably, it will...

Alan Keyes Convinces Some Hobo Party To Nominate Him

Alan Keyes' political career has been a constant series of embarrassing failures, so pathetic that even Keyes recently referred to himself as this: "I kind of represent, in political terms, the abortion." In recent years, his unmitigated disasters include...

Howard Wolfson Even Douchier Than Previously Thought

Second only to Mark Penn in Hillary Clinton's Annals of Campaign Staff Odiousness, former Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson is known for precisely two things: wearing a hideous Cosby sweater stolen off a murdered bum "for good luck," and...