failures

Ron Fournier, the bland and slightly repugnant grocery store brand breakfast cereal of journalism, is very concerned with the state of his profession. No he’s not worried about his fellow commentators once again engaging in hysterical nonsense regarding terrorism, as it is the job of a news person to crawl into the fetal position when […]

Yesterday, as first reported by your Wonkette (<–COPY LINK HERE, LA TIMES), the world rejoiced upon news that the insufferable date-rapey Dennis the Menace clone known as James O’Keefe III had settled his lawsuit with a former ACORN employee to the tune of $100,000 plus one weak ass nonpology. Twitter erupted in a sea of Nelson […]

Oh, how the businessmen rib each other! The businessmen in this case being Mitt Romney, whose “business” career was mostly as a hand-shaking middle man who was always insulated from taking the downside on a financial venture that went to hell, and some fellow with whom he was chit-chatting at an event yesterday. My how […]

Hot new scientific data from NYT statistics wizard Nate Silver: “Sarah Palin’s potential candidacy, for instance, is only receiving about one-fifth as much attention as it did several months ago.” And why’s that? Because a cartoon millionaire who just flat out calls Barack Obama an African illegal immigrant is crushing Palin (and everyone else) in […]

COPENHATIN  11:05 am December 17, 2009

by Juli Weiner

CHINA WILL NOT BE DOING ANY CLIMATE-Y DEAL-MAKING: “In a potentially serious blow to President Obama and Democrats in Washington, who had been counting on a deal coming out of the climate conference in Copenhagen, China has signaled that it is not interested in making any deals, but rather hopes to put out ‘a short […]

Sarah Palin was once elected Governor of Alaska! This is like winning the Nobel Prize in Mattering. So as you can see, this Sarah Palin politics expert knows a thing or two about elections and winning them, mmhmm! It is so fortunate then, that she offered to campaign for Bob McDonnell and Chris Christie to […]

NO ONE IS LISTENING TO OBAMA!  11:54 am October 2, 2009

by Juli Weiner

CHICAGO HAS LOST DANCING WITH THE STARS AND THEREFORE ITS CHANCE AT HOSTING THE 2016 OLYMPICS. Gold, silver, and bronze Drudge Sirens!!: The important International Olympic Committee cold eliminated Chicago in the first round of city choosing this morning. In case you’re still invested in this thing, for whatever reason, it’s down to Madrid and […]

The most humiliating moment in our national history — “America’s Waterloo,” they called it — occurred when President Obama threw that pitch to Albert Pujols like a total sally. Compounding the embarrassment was the pair of high-waisted, pouffy jeans he wore, which will be forever associated with deficit-inflating naifs as surely as a cardigan says […]

HOW TO WASTE 45 MINUTES  9:47 am April 20, 2009

by Sara K. Smith

A VERY SPECIAL PODCAST: This is a recording of that panel your editor attended a month or so back at South by Southwest. Alas, people shouting from the audience didn’t get picked up by the microphones, so you don’t hear all of Obama’s Web people gleefully pointing out the Republican nerds sitting a row behind […]

When George W. Bush Junior started that goddamned whining during his Last Press Conference, we wanted to crawl through the television screen and throttle him, right there, while he was still technically president. Tragically, current television technology doesn’t allow this type of full-immersion interactive Wii hate — hurry up, digital teevee! — so we’re still […]

UGGGH JOHN KERRY. The sad horsey lost his 2004 run at the presidency by issuing a stream of terrible proclamations throughout the campaign, which George Bush’s oppo team immediately made into commercials: stuff like, “I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it.” He was also dull and utterly uncharismatic and bad at […]

Ah, snap polls. Here is how they work: A news-gathering organization rounds up a bunch of plumbers, all named Joe, and puts them in a lockbox where they are forced to look at two people arguing for 90 minutes. At the end of this torture session, people ask themselves, “Who blinked less? I’ll go with […]

DEATH  10:53 am September 17, 2008

by Jim Newell

GO GET YOUR MONEY PEOPLE: Collapsing investment banks are yesterday’s news, trendsetters! Now we can turn our attention to the biggest possible commercial banks failing miserably, like, say, Washington Mutual. And when that collapses on Sunday, probably, it will likely drain up what’s left of the FDIC’s insurance fund. The FDIC can always get more […]

Alan Keyes’ political career has been a constant series of embarrassing failures, so pathetic that even Keyes recently referred to himself as this: “I kind of represent, in political terms, the abortion.” In recent years, his unmitigated disasters include losing to Barry Obama in the 2004 Illinois Senate race by ~250%, sneaking into a Republican […]

Second only to Mark Penn in Hillary Clinton’s Annals of Campaign Staff Odiousness, former Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson is known for precisely two things: wearing a hideous Cosby sweater stolen off a murdered bum “for good luck,” and being a terrible asshole. Julia Reed, who tried to interview Hillary Clinton for Vogue, called him […]