fail
Somebody give Jim Cramer his golden dildo back, and let Larry Kramer out of the shit-cage where he sleeps, because the Stock Markets had a great big rally! Everything is good again! The U.S. markets were all up up up about 7% all the way around, which means the Dow is right back to, uhm, [...]
Before his mouth was sewn shut by southern slaveholders, RNC chairman Michael Steele was always talking about the “battle royale” or “royale with cheese” that would define his dynamic, hippity hop leadership: a special election in rural New York State, to replace Democratic congresslady Kirsten Gillibrand, because now she’s got Hillary Clinton’s Senate seat, because [...]
The DNC solicited suggestions for insults to hurl at Rush Limbaugh, and boy howdy, did Democrats deliver! This stone cold rebuke to the leprous sea-monkey Rush Limbaugh will surely have him curled in a fetal position, on a pile of money. [The Democratic Party]
Forgotten hairball Rod Blagojevich thought he could finally cash in big with Barack Obama’s Senate seat, but that didn’t work out too well. Then Rod went on every talk show and cable-news program to jabber hysterical bullshit, and that really didn’t lead to riches, either. Now, at the end of both his political career and [...]
Our correspondent Garrett Quinn continues to prowl CPAC looking for furries — which is not so difficult, as they’re EVERYWHERE you look at CPAC. But what else is going on at America’s Favorite Comedy Convention?
SPACE DISASTER SOMEHOW DIDN’T INVOLVE NASA: Some old broken-ass Russian military satellite smashed into an Iridium satellite and now they are both tiny bits of space debris that will eventually cause the Apocalypse — the Russian satellite had a nuclear reactor. [Wall Street Journal]
America, meet your new presidential limousine, this scary-ass legoland 100-foot-long bumper boat. It is a General Motors Cadillac!
Few e-mails — especially press releases! — have ever been so deserving of a Gmail Star. Oh, GAHH, this was for “Immediate Release” and we’re 11 hours late! Sorry! Onward.
ALL NEWSPAPERS FAILING: Tribune Co. went ahead and declared bankruptcy, which is surely good news for the battered half-dead Los Angeles Times and Chicago Tribune. The New York Times is scheduled to go bust later this week, probably. The prognosis for print newspapers has been pretty grim since the 1980s, but the specific financial collapse [...]
Comical freak/Republican Congressman Vito Fossella saw his whole weird life fall apart on May 1, when he was arrested for drunken driving in Alexandria, which somehow led to the revelation that he had a secret baby-mama, and his actual wife and children back in New York didn’t really love that revelation, but being a Republican [...]
