Wonkette

One of the seventy-thousand reasons John McCain has a 1% chance of winning the presidency is a dumb tool who called himself “Joe the Plumber” and hoped to get fame and free welfare money as a result of telling a dumb lie to Barack Obama, when Barack Obama was campaigning in this man’s neighborhood. Because he was a creepy looking mouth-breather who didn’t pay his own bills and would get a tax cut under Obama and whose wife had left him to a life of unlicensed work at some other guy’s plumbing business, the McCain campaign naturally decided — in the last weeks of a tightening race — to throw everything behind this unappealing character who represented nothing. And now Joe the Plumber’s trying to vote illegally, too! MORE »

Could they just be competent for maybe one hour of a single day? First, we laughed as McCain called out in vain for his savior of the week, the utterly random showboating jackass “plumber” in Ohio, then we learned this Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher eventually showed up at a later rally and refused to endorse McCain, and now CNN is reporting that this bald-headed rat-eyed fame-crazed serial liar is publicly feuding with the McCain campaign, using the usual McCain campaign system of internal disputes: Blabbing to the press. MORE »

You may all remember Robert Draper for his insanely long NYT article about the reverse-cowgirl firing squad that is the McCain campaign, or that book he wrote a couple years ago about George Bush being a turd. Whatever. There is news! He is a blogger now! And his blog has even more fantastical goodies about how John McCain has forced Sarah Palin to ride on the roof of the Straight Talk Express along with Mitt Romney’s dog. MORE »

Will a single Republican stand up for John McCain, please? (And we’re not talking about you dumb-ass rednecks masturbating furiously to Sarah Palin’s tattooed lip liner; we mean the people with money.) Today, Bush speechwriter and conservative mealy mouth David Frum writes in the Washington Post that McCain is a total failure who is also destroying what little remains of the GOP. MORE »

Here they are! It is time to tell America what you thought of this special debate. Or, just leave comments. To fuel your “in the tank” fire, here is an article. Here is another. We are watching CNBC Europe right now, and drinking the wine. [Barack Obama's Photostream]

The National Review hears something HMM: “One side effect of McCain’s debate gambit is, I’m told, that everyone at Ole Miss now hates him. It will make for a very hostile audience tonight among those students and faculty attending. He might have to apologize for creating the uncertainty or make some explanation up front, which is never ideal.” Ah but Rich Lowry, a Maverick thrives on hatred! (Besides, they don’t like BLACK PEOPLE either in Mississippi so it balances out). As John McWalnuts has told us countless times this campaign, he’s been on Capitol Hill for decades and has made no friends there. It’s his “thing.” What a man! A couple of other analyses of how McCain blew nuts with this weird debate gag, below. MORE »

LOL, BARNEY FRANK: After actually making the bailout deal with Chris Dodd, Barney Frank says of McCain’s dumb stunt: “He hasn’t been involved. He doesn’t know anything about it.” [Gawker/CBS]

And, as Robert Baird points out, she doesn’t even seem to know what a “doctrine” is, a la Monroe or Truman. When will people quit picking on the Republican vice presidential nominee for her complete lack of acquaintance with American history and current affairs? SHE WAS A MAYOR, YOU KNOW, WITH A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITIES. [digital emunction/YouTube]

Guess who hasn’t been mentioned at all tonight? America’s favorite president, George W. Bush Junior! It’s as if Republicans haven’t held the White House for the past eight years. Who can remember that far back? So let’s welcome the new Geraldine Ferraro, “Barracuda Sarah” Palin — her own sister just called her that, on CNN — as she squeaks through a speech destined to give John McCain the SURGE he needs to finish this campaign as a complete sell-out loser who stands for nothing. Go Sarah! MORE »

• ST. PAUL SORROW: Cheney ain’t coming. Bush Junior ain’t coming. Monday is pretty much canceled. Wonkette is here, awaiting the RNC press conference. What will happen? McCain is on the radio, jabbering nonsense, from St. Louis. THAT’S THE WRONG ST. CITY, WALNUTS!