Tag Archives: facebook

  Our Cold Dead Hands

This White Lady In Body Armor Shot All Her Neighbors And Lived To Tell! Your Gun Fun Holiday Roundup!

awwwwwww
Time for another of our periodic check-ins with the good guys what carry guns and keep us safe from tyranny with their steadfast devotion to Responsible Gun Ownership. First off, we have an inspiring tale from Texas, where Friend of Liberty Martin Gaytan regularly posted about his love of guns on Facebook, including a June repost of this inspiring and irrefutable case for why every American needs a gun: Read more on This White Lady In Body Armor Shot All Her Neighbors And Lived To Tell! Your Gun Fun Holiday Roundup!…
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: Look At This Stuff In Your Stockings

Then the foolish children played with their new toys and ruined their collector value.
It’s the Saturday portion of your 4-day weekend, America! Time to look back and see what you may have missed during all that last-minute shopping and/or Warmaking On Christmas. And so, here are the ten most-shared stories of our somewhat abbreviated week, from the Facebook. Don’t see a favorite here? Well ain’t you a picky one who didn’t click “share” enough! A little late for regrets now, isn’t it? Also, what were you thinking when you got that tattoo? But yes, do “share” the stories you like, that they mayst be seen by all and bringeth us pageviews, amen. Read more on Wonkette Week In Review: Look At This Stuff In Your Stockings…
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: Yule Want To See The Week’s Best Stories

A young gentile Al Franken reads a book to kids
Happy Festivus weekend, Wonkers! Hope you’re ready for the Airing of Grievances! Our greatest grievance is, of course, that we can only bring Wonkette to you a mere 7 days a week, and worse, on some of those days, you may still miss some of our Wonkings because of things like a “job,” a “family,” or a “life.” Happily, the weekend is a great time to catch up on some of our best stuff, and so we bring you this feature, in which we count down the ten best stories of the week — or at least most-shared on the Facebooks, which is pretty much the same thing. Don’t see your favorite story here? Maybe your tastes are not in line with those of your peers. Have you considered conformity? Oh, or you could make a point of clicking “share” a bunch more! That may be an even better way to express your individuality, you exceptional American, you. Read more on Wonkette Week In Review: Yule Want To See The Week’s Best Stories…
  Somewhere Out There Katherine Harris Is Salivating

Jeb Bush May Bless Us With Presidential Run

He's just so dreamy
In a Christmas present for America, former Florida Gov. Jeb “The Smart One. No Really” Bush announced Tuesday that he will “actively explore the possibility” of a presidential run, because his country needs him a whole lot. Taking to the traditional platform for such announcements, Twitter and Facebook — late-night talk shows are so over — the passionate nonentity said that the topic just sort of naturally came up at the Thanksgiving dinner table, as is the norm in American families: Read more on Jeb Bush May Bless Us With Presidential Run…
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: How On Earth Did You Miss These Stories?

Oh, there's good stuff in here.
We understand. We know how it is. You’re out there every day, holding together the shaky scaffolding of reality, keeping the world as we know it from disintegrating into chaos, doing your part against entropy. Or at least keeping that jackhole from Accounts Receivable from getting the last cruller. In the midst of all that, you may not have time to check Wonkette every moment of the day, and so there may be stories that you missed. Thankfully, that’s what a Saturday is for. To put up your feet, look back over the detritus of the week, and see what dick jokes there were to be had. And so, we present to you these ten stories, chosen by The Masses with the wisdom of crowds, or at least the whims of clicking “share” on Facebook. Don’t see one of your favorites here? We don’t have to answer to people who don’t share, buster. Read more on Wonkette Week In Review: How On Earth Did You Miss These Stories?…
  Only To Find Gideon's Bible

Nice Georgia Elementary School Giving All Its Children The Gift Of Jesus, Hooray!

Wrong Rocky Raccoon. (I take a 7 1/2)
A Georgia elementary school is doing something innovative for its students — no, silly, it’s not trying innovative methods for teaching math or getting kids excited about science. Instead, it’s inviting the Gideons into the school library and having kids line up to get their very own Bibles, which are apparently in such short supply in Georgia that volunteers are needed to hand them out in public schools. But hey, at least they’re promoting literacy by taking the kids to the library, maybe. Read more on Nice Georgia Elementary School Giving All Its Children The Gift Of Jesus, Hooray!…
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: What You Missed While You Were Digesting

Siblings torment their youngest sister by stuffing her inside a raw turkey, 1937
Time for another weekly Top Ten, and since we missed a weekend doing that food-based holiday and getting Yr Editrix hitched, it’s actually more of a bit-more than a week that we’ll cover. And yipes, what a week and change it was. Just in case you missed some of these while you were traveling or celebrating or just trying to obliterate the pain, here are our top ten recent stories, as determined by the number of times they were shared on the Facebook, which is of course how all determinations of excellence are made today. Read more on Wonkette Week In Review: What You Missed While You Were Digesting…
  And Yet The Wu Tang Klan Continues To Get A Free Pass

Non-Racist Texas School Board Member Posted SO MUCH KKK Stuff Online

This never ends well
We suppose this counts as good news, at least in the end. Chris Harris, a member of the Hooks Independent School Board in Texas, has resigned after posting multiple racist images and messages to Facebook last week. He later explained that he wasn’t racist at all; he just got a little worked up in a Facebook discussion of the grand jury’s decision not to indict Darren Wilson in the death of Michael Brown, which is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Harris posted this image in the discussion thread: Read more on Non-Racist Texas School Board Member Posted SO MUCH KKK Stuff Online…
  Yooge

Thing Atop Donald Trump’s Head Wants To Be President Of Facebook

Is there anything new to say about this asshole?
On the same day that Ohio Sen. Rob Portman dashed the dreams of tens of Americans with an announcement that he would not run for president, The Daily Beast tantalized us with the astonishing prospect that Donald Trump believes Donald Trump may just need to give serious consideration to running for the office of President of The Trump States of America. Read more on Thing Atop Donald Trump’s Head Wants To Be President Of Facebook…
  Haw Haw Good One!

Sarah Palin Made A Funny About Ferguson

Oh, we get it!
After having said pretty much nothing about the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, occasional reality television show front-woman Sarah Palin finally shared her thoughts with America over the weekend by reposting to her MyFacePlace page a joke from rightwing conspiracy website Mad World News. Read more on Sarah Palin Made A Funny About Ferguson…
  Tree Of Liberty Has No Comment At This Time

Anti-Government Loon Shot Up Austin, Has Nothing To Do With Other Anti-Government Loons

Tea Partier, or Renaissance Fair anachronism?
Here’s something you may have missed if you spent the weekend driving to Missoula and back so you could read some Kurt Vonnegut lovey-dovey stuff at your boss’s wedding. An antigovernment gun nut drove around downtown Austin, Texas, in the wee hours of Friday morning, firing over 100 rounds at police headquarters, a bank, and the federal courthouse. He also tried to burn down the Mexican consulate. Read more on Anti-Government Loon Shot Up Austin, Has Nothing To Do With Other Anti-Government Loons…
  God Tells Congressional Aide To Lay Off Teenagers

Klassy GOP Lady Real Sorry For Calling Obama Daughters Skanks

You’ve probably heard by now about the bravest American in America, who bravely shamed first daughters Malia and Sasha Obama for disgracing themselves and America and mom and apple pie by being teenagers, standing around like a couple of teenagers, making bored teenage faces at their dad’s lame dad jokes, like a couple of teenagers. Can you impeach the president’s daughters? Or at least sue them or something? They’re repeat offenders, even. Read more on Klassy GOP Lady Real Sorry For Calling Obama Daughters Skanks…
  Consider Pants Shat

Ted Nugent All Racist About Ferguson, Nation Back To Normal

Still very much on the NRA board
Guys, we are trying so hard not to be All Ferguson All the Time, but then, dammit, along comes Ted Nugent and posts this idiocy to his Faceplace: Here’s the lessons from Ferguson America- Don’t let your kids growup to be thugs who think they can steal, assault & attack cops as a way of life & badge of black (dis)honor. Don’t preach your racist bullshit “no justice no peace” as blabbered by Obama’s racist Czar Al Not So Sharpton & their black klansmen. Say, did we mention that this man is on the board of directors of the National Rifle Association, and they wouldn’t dream of asking him to leave? The strongest thing the organization has ever said about the guy is “Ted is seen as Ted more than as an NRA board member.” Hey, he’s a rock star, he says wacky things is all. Read more on Ted Nugent All Racist About Ferguson, Nation Back To Normal…
  Laugh While You Can

Let’s Pretend This Caption Contest Winner Is The Only Announcement Everyone’s Waiting On

Winner, winner, chicken dinner! (for breakfast?)
We had a little caption contest last week, and we went and prepped the winners to run this afternoon, but it almost seems like you’re all… distracted, for some reason. Can’t imagine why! But since we have it, we will run it, because for godssake we could use something other than Impending Ferguson Doom this afternoon, we hope. Read more on Let’s Pretend This Caption Contest Winner Is The Only Announcement Everyone’s Waiting On…
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: Here’s What All The Cool People Were Reading This Week

While you’re snowed in (you’re not? Lucky!) this weekend, why not take a moment to catch up on some of the fine Wonkets that you may have missed during the week? You know the drill by now — we tally up the most-shared stories of the week on our Facebook page, list them here as if counting down from ten to one had a great deal of suspense in a print format, and then we urge you to “share” your favorite stories, so that Yr Wonkette might continue to thrive and grow, or at least keep the Liquor Cabinet of Dr. Caligari stocked. And so, on to the week’s top ten: Read more on Wonkette Week In Review: Here’s What All The Cool People Were Reading This Week…
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: All Your Favorites — Or Somebody’s, At Least — In One Convenient Place!

Don't miss a single thrilling moment!
Ah, the weekend. A chance to unwind, to sleep in, to catch up on the nicer things in life — like the ten bestest Wonkette stories of the week, as determined by which stories were shared the most on our Facebook page — as everyone who read The DaVinci Code knows, popularity is always the very best measure of quality. If you don’t see one of your favorites here, you clearly need to click that “share” button more, and should probably also give us money — we’re corruptible (Wouldn’t that be the saddest graft ever? Not that you shouldn’t try it, though). In any case, here are your Top Ten Wonkies of the week past: Read more on Wonkette Week In Review: All Your Favorites — Or Somebody’s, At Least — In One Convenient Place!…
  Duggar? I Hardly Even Knew 'Er!

The Duggars Want Photos Of Happy Married Couples. Gay Folks Know What They Must Do

So beautiful and Goddy
Hey, kids, the Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, First Family of the Quiverful movement (motto: “Babies For God! Shoes For Industry!”), just put up a Facebook post to let the world know that married people kissyface is the greatest thing in the world. And they were actually being very brave, because someone on the Internet was rude to their perfect newlywed daughter Jessa, after she posted an InstaSnoggogram photo of her and her new husband, ManFace, locking lips. Here’s the Duggartext, with the interesting part for us bolded: Read more on The Duggars Want Photos Of Happy Married Couples. Gay Folks Know What They Must Do…
  Here have some news n stuff

Not Ready For Hillary? Too Bad, Facebook Already Made Her President

Basically the winner already
In case you didn’t get the memo, it is already 2016. It is soooooo already 2016. In fact, Facebook is already projecting the winner of the next presidential election, so everyone else who’s just getting started on teasing about hinting about exploring the idea of thinking about announcing a run for the White House can just pack up and go home because it’s already over. According to ABC News, this BREAKING! EXCLUSIVE!!! information shows that — hang on to your hats, folks, this is big — Hillary Clinton has more likes and interactions on Facebook than any of those Republican also-rans, so we can pretty much call it a day and start practicing saying Madam President.Guess it’s pretty convenient we didn’t even have to bother voting, huh? Read more on Not Ready For Hillary? Too Bad, Facebook Already Made Her President…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Did Sister Sarah Quit Her TV Channel Halfway Through?

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
A man gave us money to watch The Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. The content calendar on the Sarah Palin Channel confuses and infuriates us. It has been nearly a week since the Democratic thumping in the midterms, and Palin has yet to release footage of herself giving wet willies to Democratic organizers in Anchorage. The Sarah Palin Channel doesn’t seem to have anything on the results of the midterms, even though it shouldn’t take long to whip up another “Behind the Scenes” clip explaining how the Tundra Grifter used the power of pancakes to save Pat Roberts’ bacon. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Did Sister Sarah Quit Her TV Channel Halfway Through?…
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: All The Best Of Your Terrible Week

What costume do YOU wear to read Wonkette?
It’s been one hell of a week, and we bet your weekend would be greatly enhanced by catching up on some of Yr. Wonkette’s top stories that you may have missed while “working” or lost in a post-election drunken stupor (some of you may still be in one of those, and we don’t blame you!). So here are our ten most-shared stories from the Facebook. Don’t see your personal favorite here? Next week, click harder. Share your favorites: You’ll take a stand for excellence in snark, outrage your rightwing uncle, and help us get beautiful, beautiful pageviews. And so, our weekly Top Ten! Read more on Wonkette Week In Review: All The Best Of Your Terrible Week…
  I Hear America Derping

Facebook Gun Hero Explains Assassinatin’ Beats Voting Every Time

Other than *that* it's a pretty compelling argument
From the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence Facebook page comes the above screenshot of a cheerful Election Day message from a pro-gun, pro-insurrection Facebook thing. The Facebook group is still up, though they’ve removed the image and the accompanying text, which read: Read more on Facebook Gun Hero Explains Assassinatin’ Beats Voting Every Time…
  Actually It's About Ethics In Mommy Journalism

Sarah Palin So Mad At Barack Obama Murdering All The Stay-At-Home Moms

lol
Sarah Palin treated the world to another of her trademarked stream-of-stupidity FacePlace posts this weekend, pretending that when Barack Obama said women shouldn’t have to choose between a career and staying home with children because they can’t find affordable daycare, he was REALLY saying that women should never choose to stay home with their kids. Read more on Sarah Palin So Mad At Barack Obama Murdering All The Stay-At-Home Moms…