Tag Archives: facebook rants

  pantheon of fallen heroes

Farewell Janice Daniels, Celebrated Homophobe Mayor and Facebook Poet

As we continue to mourn our Fallen Heroes, let us not forget Mayor Janice Daniels of Troy, Michigan! This beloved character danced onto the pages of our Wonkette storybook earlier this year, when she put on her Snuggie, logged into her The Facebook account, and started yelling “QUEERS!!!!” at children. It did not take long for the people of Troy to decide they did not care for this Janice Daniels, because Troy is supposed to be known for its fancy mall, not an insane mayor. (The existence of Janice Daniels as mayor was a clear infringement upon Detroit’s exclusive rights to pathological mayors.) Last night, the people of Troy (Trojans?) successfully recalled their mayor, and so today, we offer a sincere slow-clap for them, and a big “I Heart NYC” gift bag full of tears for Janice Daniels. Read more on Farewell Janice Daniels, Celebrated Homophobe Mayor and Facebook Poet…
  is there such a thing as snowbilly rehab?

Sarah Palin Says She Only Kind of Quit Bus Tour, Also Quits Trip To Sudan

Quitting addict Sarah Palin is furious, on Facebook, that everyone figured out she quit her bus tour. Stopping the bus does not mean “quit.” It means, snowbillies need to take a vacation from their vacations sometimes. Palin was called home for “jury duty,” which is an Alaskan euphemism for salmon fishing and getting drunk. “Uh, our bad?” says the media. “So when’s the bus tour starting up again?” “Yeah, sometime soon,” she said. Uh, okay. That sounds like quitting. Did she take the decals off the bus already? That is the test. Whatever. Sarah Palin is not a quitter. OH WAIT YES SHE IS. Lest you fear you could not call her The World’s Biggest Quitter anymore, she has also cancelled her trip to Sudan next month with Rev. Franklin Graham because of… uh, what’s the usual one… “scheduling reasons,” whatever that euphemism means. Read more on Sarah Palin Says She Only Kind of Quit Bus Tour, Also Quits Trip To Sudan…