Tag Archives: facebook

  What The Internet Is For

Liberal Trolls Helpfully Improve Southern Pride Facebook Page, With Old Gay Dicks

Nicely played
There is a terrible and wonderful thing about Facebook: Its security settings are supposed to give you lots of control over your account, but you have to be careful, especially if you’re running a group, about who you give administrator access to. Like for instance if you’re running a pro-Confederate flag group, and you are won over by a charming person who talks a lot about his southern heritage and how much the flag means to him, and he turns out to be a liberal with a wicked sense of humor who, once given admin privileges, kicks out all the other admins and renames the group “LGBT Southerners for Michelle Obama and Judaism.” And what follows is a beautiful thing, possibly even better than the people who throw goats all over rightwing Facebook pages. Or at least as good — we don’t want to stir up discord, so we’ll just say both are excellent. Read more on Liberal Trolls Helpfully Improve Southern Pride Facebook Page, With Old Gay Dicks…
  Kinder Gentler Segregationists

Come On Down To This Confederate Flag Rally, But Please Don’t Say N*gger Out Loud

Not intended to be a factual illustration
There’s yet another rally planned to show support for the flag of the losing side in the Civil War, this time set for Saturday at Stone Mountain in Georgia, and just to make sure there’s no confusion about the True Meaning of the Treason Banner, the organizers of the event have reminded attendees not to do anything uncouth, like shouting racial slurs. Can’t imagine why a flag rally that’s about “heritage, not hate” would even need such a reminder. Oh, actually, maybe we can. Read more on Come On Down To This Confederate Flag Rally, But Please Don’t Say N*gger Out Loud…
  Let's gossip about the week's stop stories

A Completely True Story About A Brazilian Pastor And His Holy Peen Milk. Your Weekly Top Ten

Ooh look a kitten.
Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and you are probably thinking “ooh I just clicked on this post HARD because I want to know about the Brazilian pastor and his holy peen milk” and we hate to break it to you, but it’s not true. The number two story of the week, FOR SOME REASON, was this thing we wrote in 2013, about a Brazilian pastor and his holy peen sperm milk, which turned out to be fakity fake fake, which NEVER HAPPENS AT WONKETTE. It just happened this one time, in 2013, because we do not speak Brazilianese and hey, nobody is perfect. But SOMEBODY posted it on Facebook this week, or on Tinder, we’re not quite sure, and it got eleventy million page views, so, because this is an honest and ethical top ten list, we are being honest about how it was the number two story of the week. If you are the person who posted it, please come forward so Wonkette can give you a spanking right on your bottom. Read more on A Completely True Story About A Brazilian Pastor And His Holy Peen Milk. Your Weekly Top Ten…
  He seemed nice

Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!

Just another member of the Lone Wolf Freedom Shooty Brigade Of Lone Wolves
If the online footprint of the Lafayette shooter identified by police as John Russell Houser, who killed two and injured nine others during a Thursday night showing of Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck before then killing himself, is any indication, Obama has really outdone himself in the false flag department this time. What did Houser hate? Pretty much everything that’s good and decent. What did he love? The Tea Party (at least enough to have an account, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, on the Tea Party Nation website), white supremacy, and also, too, Hitler. Let’s have a look-see, starting with a Twitter account bearing Houser’s name, and with only two tweets: Read more on Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!…
  Aw nuts

Republican Sen. Mitch McConnell Is NOT Going To Vote For Hillary’s Vagina

Here's your gender card right here
Senate Majority Leader In Name Only Mitch McConnell (R-Literally A Tortoise) is not a big fan of the ladies. Oh, sure, he’ll pretend he is, when he is running for re-election. He will try to make with the sweet pillow talk, all like, “Heyyyyyyyyyy ladies, I support the Violence Against Women Act, because you shouldn’t smack your bitch up,” but then he’ll vote against it because he thinks it is OK to smack your bitch up if she’s a lesbian bitch with brown skin. He’s that kind of feminist. You know, the kind that is bad at feminisming. Read more on Republican Sen. Mitch McConnell Is NOT Going To Vote For Hillary’s Vagina…
  The kids on Twitter call this "doxxing"

Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall

CALL ME MAYBE
Donald Trump, Wonkette takes it all back. You are the best Republican candidate probably since Abraham Lincoln, who wouldn’t have had to deal with that pesky Civil War if he had just gotten the Messicans to build a YOOOOOOGE wall around the traitor states and posted signs everywhere that said “Camp Moron.” Speaking to voters in Lindsey Graham’s South Carolina, Trump thought it would be a good idea to say all kinds of bad words about Sen. Graham, and then give out his personal cell phone number, in case anybody in the audience was looking for a good sexxxy time with the Senator or something. Trump was mad because Graham called him a “jackass,” which is just mean. Read more on Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall…
  Here have some news n stuff

All Of U.S. America Was A Total Sh*t Show, How Was Your Weekend?

Oh sorry, it's not
So. It is work o’clock, Monday morning, and you’re eco-commuting to your job and sipping your vegan free trade zen tea, made with real zen, and scrolling through your iDevice to find out hmm, did anything of import happen this weekend? Because maybe you were not on the interwebs; instead, you were taking the kids to soccer practice, or perhaps drinking alone with your cat, or downing some hair of the dog with your sunglasses on — inside. Not that we’re judging. Read more on All Of U.S. America Was A Total Sh*t Show, How Was Your Weekend?…
  Get Your Nerd On

John Lewis Is A Comics Superhero, Prepare For Ludicrous Speed, And Earth 2.0: Your Saturday Nerd-Out

He went for period accuracy where possible, but left out the tear gas and clubs
Happy Saturday, and welcome to your moment of Nerding: Just a few stories that we thought were pretty cool because they appeal to the geek in us. Real Life Superhero Cosplays As Himself For starters, how about congressman John Lewis of Georgia, attending his second Comic-Con last Saturday and getting into the whole cosplay scene, dressing as a character from March: Book 2, the comics memoir that he co-wrote with former campaign aide Andrew Aydin, with art by Nate Powell. To be specific, Lewis decided to dress up as the “John Lewis in 1965″ character from the book. The Washington Post had a lovely story this week about how it all happened: Read more on John Lewis Is A Comics Superhero, Prepare For Ludicrous Speed, And Earth 2.0: Your Saturday Nerd-Out…
  Dying While Black

Why Do Black People Keep Killing Themselves When They Get Arrested?

Yeah, marijuana use is clearly the important part of this story.
Looks like there’s been another mysterious death of a black suspect in police custody, this time in Waller County, Texas, where 28-year-old Sandra Bland was found dead Monday after being arrested following a traffic stop last Friday. Bland was being held for allegedly kicking the Texas Highway Patrolman who pulled her over for failing to signal a lane change; Waller County Sheriff Glenn Smith said that Bland was found hanging in her cell at 9:00 a.m. Monday, about an hour after asking staff by intercom if she could make a phone call. She had last been observed by jail staff at 7:00 a.m. when she was given breakfast. An autopsy performed by the Harris County Institute of Forensic Sciences in Houston ruled her death a suicide by hanging. Bland was being held on $5000 bail, but friends said she was preparing to pay the bail Monday. Sheriff Smith certainly seemed all broken up about Bland’s death, saying in words that do not sound the least bit well-rehearsed, “Any time somebody dies, it’s a tragic deal … That’s exactly what this appeared to be.” Read more on Why Do Black People Keep Killing Themselves When They Get Arrested?…
  Don't read while you are eating you will be laughing too hard

Oklahoma Republicans Make Hilarious Joke About How Poors Are Gross Animals

Right in the earhole.
It’s tough to be a Republican these days if you don’t have an overwhelming disdain for people who struggle to get by (often because they’re held back by Republican policies, funny how that works). Because THOSE PEOPLE, right? Anyway, all Republicans know that if people are poor, it’s their fault — unless the poors are Republicans, in which case they are “going through a thing” which is “not at all like those welfare queens” — so it was perfectly natural for the Oklahoma GOP to post this to its FacePlace page: Read more on Oklahoma Republicans Make Hilarious Joke About How Poors Are Gross Animals…
  Shithead Agonistes

Chuck C. Johnson Has Thoughts On The Charleston Shootings. They Are Strange And Racist Thoughts.

An homage to B. Kliban's
Since Award-Winning Journalist Chuck C. Johnson got bounced off Twitter a while back, seemingly for good, the man seems to be completely losing it. This of course raises the perfectly reasonable question, “How could you tell?” As Exhibit A, let us present his 4000-plus word rant about the Charleston shootings and why Dylann Roof really shot nine black people dead. Even for Chuck C. Johnson, the new Stupidest Man on the Internet, it’s a specimen of breathtaking stupidity (and also racism). Read more on Chuck C. Johnson Has Thoughts On The Charleston Shootings. They Are Strange And Racist Thoughts….
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten.

THE CUTEST.
Hey Wonkers, happy Fourth of July weekend and shit! Do you need a nap? We sure do! Let’s all snuggle dressed like burritos after we read this post, like Wonkette baby, pictured above. (Did you SEE Editrix’s baby pictures post this morning? If you didn’t, you should go look at it!) Read more on Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  How was YOUR dumb week?

Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week

Editrix can have Old Handsome Joe Biden, we like Sexy Obama.
Oh look at the White House all BRAGGIN’ and shit. That Nice Time video above was provided to yr Wonkette (and by “provided,” we mean we went to the White House website and copied the embed code) as a way of illustrating how Barack Obama just had one of the most badass weeks of his entire presidency, a week bigger than the best weeks of Sarah Palin’s, Ronald Reagan’s, your mom’s, and Jesus’s presidencies COMBINED. Read more on Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week…
  please send money

Girl Scouts Will Get Along Just Fine Without Transgender-Hating Bigot Bucks, Thank You

Even ones religious right assholes don't like.
As you are all aware, the Girl Scouts is a super badass organization. Its leadership is SO liberal, the Scouts are turning all of America’s girls into militant man-hating lesbian vegans with bitchin’ abortion skills. And it costs money to indoctrinate all those young ladies! The Girl Scouts of Western Washington was very excited to get a $100,000 donation recently, to fund things like financial assistance for little girls whose families can’t afford to send them to camp. Stuff like that. But then the donor woke up one day with a spiked dildo up his/her ass and sent another note to the group specifying that this money was under no circumstances to be used to help any gross transgenders: Read more on Girl Scouts Will Get Along Just Fine Without Transgender-Hating Bigot Bucks, Thank You…