Tag Archives: facebook

  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Just Biding Our Time Until We Find Josh Duggar’s Grindr At This Point. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Coming soon to a town near you, but Sarah Palin won't be there. OR WILL SHE?
Coming soon to a town near you, but Sarah Palin won’t be there. OR WILL SHE? Hey Wonkers! We had a big week! Did YOU have a big week in your job? Just kidding, this post is not about you. Did you hear the big news about how Editrix Becca invested in a Winnebago for the Wonkette, so we can do onsite “journalism” at the Iowa caucuses and the Republican convention and wherever else news is happening? Or wherever else we decide to do drinky things. We are going to do ALL the activities, and you should be very excited. Read more on Just Biding Our Time Until We Find Josh Duggar’s Grindr At This Point. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Stay On Target

Texas Ag Commissioner Doesn’t Really Want To Nuke All The Muslims. OR DOES HE?

nukes
Bomb, bomb, bomb / Bomb-Bomb … everywhere We all know the normal steps in political gaffe management: 1) Somebody says something really stupid, often on social media; 2) The incredibly stupid/offensive/impolitic social media post is removed; 3) A spokesperson explains that the gaffe was committed by an underling, without authorization, and it definitely doesn’t reflect the boss’s views; 4) Depending on the seriousness of the gaffe, the underling may be fired and the office may issue an apology (of variable sincerity); and 5) Donald Trump says something far stupider, and his polling actually improves. But once in a while, this predictable sequence falls apart, and things get very weird, very fast. Read more on Texas Ag Commissioner Doesn’t Really Want To Nuke All The Muslims. OR DOES HE?…
  When In the Courser Of Human Events

Teabagger Fornicator Writes Million Words About Jesus, No Words About Resigning

We don't really think Rep. Gamrat is a 1940s Messican lady
Clarification: We don’t really think Rep. Gamrat is a 1940s Messican lady Hey, guys, just in case you spent your whole weekend worrying whether Michigan state Rep. Todd Courser — the teabagger who had an affair with fellow teabagging legislator Cindy Gamrat and then plotted to cover it up with a fake smear campaign against himself that he did gay sex stuff with a gay hooker — had said anything new and dumb, guess what. You’re in luck! Saturday, he posted an insufferably long Facebook post to explain that while he is in fact a despicable sinner, so are we all, and he wants to make it absolutely clear that his sin does not reflect badly on God or Jesus, for those who thought he’d made God look bad by association. Read more on Teabagger Fornicator Writes Million Words About Jesus, No Words About Resigning…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Crunchy Cooters, White Supremacists And Megyn Kelly. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Wonkette baby has formed opinions.
Wonkette baby has formed opinions. Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and it is also August, which means the news is WEIRD and all the journalists who write the important stories about why everything is the Holocaust are on vacation, which means your top ten stories are ALL OVER THE PLACE. And only ONE of them is remotely related to Donald Trump, aren’t you happy? Moreover, only ONE of them is about candidates in the 2016 Republican primary. Because really, fuck all those nerds. Read more on Crunchy Cooters, White Supremacists And Megyn Kelly. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Bic Muffs Chik Stuff

Bic Sorry For Being A Dic In Sexist South African Ad

Fuck up like an ad agency
So here’s one way to really win the Lady Demographic: On a South African holiday celebrating women’s achievements, Bic, the maker of writing utensils, ran a Facebook post with the empowering message, “Think like a man.” Maybe they should have been even more empowering and changed the slogan to “Think like a male ad executive thinks an empowered woman might think. And show some cleavage, babe.” It’s almost as brilliant a marketing fail as that time the Goldman Sachs gave women at a tech convention a pretty makeup mirrors and nail files. Read more on Bic Sorry For Being A Dic In Sexist South African Ad…
  Yes Again. And Again.

Open Carry Dude Assaults Wife, Kills Two Sons, Keeps Second Amendment Safe

Nothing funny to say. The boys were three and four years old when their dad killed them.
In what would, in a sane nation, be a national outrage, a responsible lover of the Second Amendment murdered his two little boys, aged three and four, before turning the gun on himself and not quite managing to commit suicide. In a sane nation, there might also be something shocking about this being the second time since December that a vocal open-carry advocate has shot family members to death. But we live in America, so it’s just one more story that we’ll read, shake our heads at, and perhaps wonder if it’s ever going to be time to talk about guns. Read more on Open Carry Dude Assaults Wife, Kills Two Sons, Keeps Second Amendment Safe…
  Courser And Coarser

Michigan Teabagger Fornicator Also Accused Himself Of Child Molestation, For Jesus

As you might have expected, the twisted stupid saga of Todd Courser, the Michigan state representative who faked a gay-hooker scandal to cover up his genuine heterosex affair with another legislator, state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, and then claimed that he was being blackmailed, has taken another weird turn. A Michigan political blogger says this isn’t Courser’s first attempt at Nixonian ratfucking: Last year, during an extremely close Republican primary for the 82nd state House district, Courser allegedly faked a smear campaign against himself, claiming that some unknown enemy had distributed fliers accusing him of being a child molester. We’re sure Courser, a raving rightwing Tea Party loony who can’t go five minutes without invoking his Christian values, should have a heck of a compelling explanation for this accusation too, like maybe a high-level plot against him by the enemies of Jesus. Read more on Michigan Teabagger Fornicator Also Accused Himself Of Child Molestation, For Jesus…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Elizabeth Warren, Dumb Duggars And A Bunch Of Republican Jerkoffs. Your Weekly Top Ten.

The boss of you. Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and we hope this post finds you fat and brunched up! We had quite a week, what with the first official debates of Fuckshow 2016. SPOILER ALERT: This campaign is going to be a real fuckshow. Read more on Elizabeth Warren, Dumb Duggars And A Bunch Of Republican Jerkoffs. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Cash she wants cash

What The Hell Does Sarah Palin Want Now?

The face of the Republican Party.
The face of the Republican Party. Does Sarah want to be vice president when Donald Trump becomes “president,” because he already said he wants to tap her, in a government way? Does she want to Maverick her way into the You Betcha spot at the last minute and run for president? (Probably not, presidents don’t usually quit halfway through their terms unless they’ve been caught doing Watergate.) Is she just GRIFTING FOR CASH LIKE SHE ALWAYS DOES, because it beats getting a real job? All these questions come to mind as we watch this new “documentary” on how awesome she is, conveniently released the same week as the first Republican primary, because Palin has never seen limelight she didn’t want to toss word salad in the middle of. Read more on What The Hell Does Sarah Palin Want Now?…
  Servile Whites Movement

‘No Racial Slurs’ Rule At Confederate Rally Worked Out As Well As You’d Expect

It's about a heritage of resistance to tariffs
So a few hundred supporters of the Treason Flag rallied at Stone Mountain, Georgia, the (re)birthplace of the modern KKK, and despite the organizers’ explicit warning that there should be “no racial slurs,” since the Liberal Media would be watching, it turns out that some folks just couldn’t help themselves, but only because they were provoked by agitators who were offensively black and/or liberal communist scum. Read more on ‘No Racial Slurs’ Rule At Confederate Rally Worked Out As Well As You’d Expect…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Sass-Mouth Barack Obama Sasses The Republicans, Sassily. Your Weekly Top Ten.

I laugh at you idiots! So much!
Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and whew, what a week we had! Your Wonkette got lost (broken because bad server was bad), but then was found (fixed with a shiny new server!), was blind but now it sees! And you all made that possible! If you have not had a chance, please read our heartfelt THANK YOU for all the moneys you gave us to help us in our time of need. Read more on Sass-Mouth Barack Obama Sasses The Republicans, Sassily. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  What The Internet Is For

Liberal Trolls Helpfully Improve Southern Pride Facebook Page, With Old Gay Dicks

Nicely played
There is a terrible and wonderful thing about Facebook: Its security settings are supposed to give you lots of control over your account, but you have to be careful, especially if you’re running a group, about who you give administrator access to. Like for instance if you’re running a pro-Confederate flag group, and you are won over by a charming person who talks a lot about his southern heritage and how much the flag means to him, and he turns out to be a liberal with a wicked sense of humor who, once given admin privileges, kicks out all the other admins and renames the group “LGBT Southerners for Michelle Obama and Judaism.” And what follows is a beautiful thing, possibly even better than the people who throw goats all over rightwing Facebook pages. Or at least as good — we don’t want to stir up discord, so we’ll just say both are excellent. Read more on Liberal Trolls Helpfully Improve Southern Pride Facebook Page, With Old Gay Dicks…
  Kinder Gentler Segregationists

Come On Down To This Confederate Flag Rally, But Please Don’t Say N*gger Out Loud

Not intended to be a factual illustration
There’s yet another rally planned to show support for the flag of the losing side in the Civil War, this time set for Saturday at Stone Mountain in Georgia, and just to make sure there’s no confusion about the True Meaning of the Treason Banner, the organizers of the event have reminded attendees not to do anything uncouth, like shouting racial slurs. Can’t imagine why a flag rally that’s about “heritage, not hate” would even need such a reminder. Oh, actually, maybe we can. Read more on Come On Down To This Confederate Flag Rally, But Please Don’t Say N*gger Out Loud…
  Let's gossip about the week's stop stories

A Completely True Story About A Brazilian Pastor And His Holy Peen Milk. Your Weekly Top Ten

Ooh look a kitten.
Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and you are probably thinking “ooh I just clicked on this post HARD because I want to know about the Brazilian pastor and his holy peen milk” and we hate to break it to you, but it’s not true. The number two story of the week, FOR SOME REASON, was this thing we wrote in 2013, about a Brazilian pastor and his holy peen sperm milk, which turned out to be fakity fake fake, which NEVER HAPPENS AT WONKETTE. It just happened this one time, in 2013, because we do not speak Brazilianese and hey, nobody is perfect. But SOMEBODY posted it on Facebook this week, or on Tinder, we’re not quite sure, and it got eleventy million page views, so, because this is an honest and ethical top ten list, we are being honest about how it was the number two story of the week. If you are the person who posted it, please come forward so Wonkette can give you a spanking right on your bottom. Read more on A Completely True Story About A Brazilian Pastor And His Holy Peen Milk. Your Weekly Top Ten…