Wonkette

• For years, McCain has been serving as imperial warrior-king of Colombia. He is tasked with pleasuring the leader of “Chiquita” (a leftist banana terror group) and ruling FARC, which is “Acorn” in Spanish. [Hendrik Hertzberg]
• Palin says that she would tell people to stop calling Obama a terrorist if she ever heard people call him a terrorist, and, of course, if he weren’t actually a terrorist. Which he is.  [The Caucus]
• Crypto-Republican liar Judith Miller, the journalist-rogue who would not play by the rules, has been adopted by Fox News! [Gawker]
• John Kerry used a “homonym”—Massachusetts-speak for a gay pun—to say this horrifying and graphic thing about the preferred environs of his and John McCain’s genitalia. [Ben Smith]
• Conservative think-tank Facebook has hired Alberto Gonzales’ former chief of staff, which explains why its RSS feed, an insidious socialist information dissemination method, is mysteriously partially broken. [AMERICAblog]

A quick search on the Facebook for “bristol palin” reveals this strange creature, one “Bristol Palin-Johnston.” America’s little girl has gotten married, to that Levi character? Yay! Everyone send them $17 in toxic home-cooked meth as a present. Also: hypenated last name. WTF yo? A real CHRISTIAN takes her husband’s name forever. [Facebook via The Frisky]

The political children, the children are idiots. Colorado Republican Senate candidate Bob Schaffer has a son, you see, and he is 19 years old and in trouble for putting funny images on his Facebook page, like one that shows a picture of the three pyramids in Egypt with the caption, “Slavery Gets Shit Done.” Well, it’s true, right? Do you think people owned other human beings so they could watch them flop around all day? He also has a bunch of pictures of Barack Obama as a Muslim. Well, it’s true, right? MORE »

Since John McCain cannot appeal to America’s Youth in any demonstrable way, he has to rely on the famously hip and “with it” RNC to awaken the young voters’ elan vital. And what do the children like this millennium? The Facebook, of course! And, perchance, would there were a way to use New Yorker Satire to mock Barry Hussein with a Facebook spinoff, on the Internet? One might call it the “BarackBook”! Let’s explore the RNC’s ingenius new “BarackBook,” and possibly not kill ourselves in the process. MORE »

Corrupt Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens, the old hack whose limited understanding of the Internet as a “series of tubes” launched a soul-crushing meme, has redesigned his Internet web site! And he’s sent out a release about the changes that we found funny, but probably only because, you know, he’s Ted Stevens and he’s writing about the Internet again. For example: “Online communities - We now have a presence on YouTube, Flickr (photo sharing site), and MySpace in addition to the Facebook page we have had. You can become a friend or subscriber to these pages and this will allow you to stay in touch with the campaign in a whole new way. Links to all of these sites are located on the front page of the website.” OK, you tell us Flickr is for photo sharing, but what in the hell are YouTube, MySpace and the Facebook?? [Ted Stevens]

Oh dear, we do not know how these Facebooks work because we are older than John McCain (and time, apparently). Anyway it looks like you can make Groups on these Facebooks, and here is a group that challenges all Republicans to FACEBOOK FRIEND John McCain so that he will have more friends than Hillary Clinton. This is funny because Hillary Clinton died months ago. Thanks to Wonkette Operative “Ian” for the tip. [The John McCain Facebook Challenge]

Here’s video of the panel at the Personal Democracy Forum (WONKETTE PREMIUM AD $$$) where McCain “Internet Guy” Mark Soohoo informs the world that “John McCain is aware of the Internet.” Since this was a conference about technology, you can only imagine the giggles from the techie crowd, all of whom immediately Twitter the quote to their pet gerbils. Then Tracy Russo, a blogger gal, says your grandmother cannot understand Facebook, and neither can John McCain. Who gives a shit? [YouTube]

This is the press room for the ABC News/Facebook debates (of which they’re only holding TWO back-to-back). Videographer Liz Glover and I have staked a spot here in the gymnasium of St. Anslem’s college, which looks less like a college than some asshole prep school Mittens attended. It’s actually called Saint Anselm college, and we know that because the school gave all press cards saying “DON’T” call it “St. Anslem’s college”. Like anyone gives a shit about this school? St. Anslem’s it will be alllll night.

More to come from St. Anslem’s Preparatory Middle School For Young Princes in the next hour or so. Debates — the Party of Mittens first — commence at seven! Liz went out to get our drinks.

Who here uses Facebook? Uh huh, that’s what I thought, pretty much all of you. Guess what? You’re all going to fucking die. Or that’s what The Nation says in an article they just posted, and kudos to them for getting a whole issue to press the night of their Christmas party. Double kudos for showing me such a good time and not skimping on the booze. As a result, I almost feel bad about what I’m about to do. But, hey, my people did kill Christ so that really says something about my Christmas spirit. Anywho, we’ll take a look at The Nation’s paranoid schizophrenic Facebook-as-Fascism story and explain why it’s, well, retarded, right after the jump. MORE »

Former Senate staffer Mike McHaney, who’a arrest Wonkette reported yesterday, belonged to an informal gay social group known as the Axis of Fun. The group, a source tells us, is not very well-liked. “They think they are the big shots within the gay community around DC and play kickball together and canoodle around Rehobeth.” MORE »