Tag Archives: facebook

  Sunday Gossip Hour

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People

Gossiping cat has thoughts to share.
Happy Sunday, Wonketariat! We hope this love note finds you fat and happy. We should take a moment before we go get ACTUAL brunch, to do internet brunch gossip about the Most Popular Stories of the week. You all were all over the place this week, with your favorites! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People…
  Look! More Science To Ignore!

No, Vaccines Are Not ‘Raping’ Your Children, Says Science

Or not.
Rejoice! A new study shows that even among children who are at a higher risk for autism, getting vaccinated against childhood illnesses isn’t linked to autism. In the face of clear scientific evidence like that, you’ve pretty much got to expect that the anti-vaxxers will now just say, “Oh, man, were we ever wrong!” and quietly go away, possibly borne on a magic carpet carried by flying pigs. Read more on No, Vaccines Are Not ‘Raping’ Your Children, Says Science…
  America: Where preventing child murder is controversial

Country Stars Tim McGraw, Billy Currington In False-Flag Gun-Grabbing Sandy Hook Slapfight!

Tim McGraw's gonna have to pry the guns out of his own songs!
Remember the Sandy Hook school massacre? The one where 20 first-graders were gunned down by a crazed shooter named Adam Lanza? Yes, that one. Tim McGraw announced this week that he would be headlining a concert in Hartford, Connecticut, to benefit Sandy Hook Promise, a America-hating, gun-grabbing nonprofit group that seeks to protect kids from getting murdered, with guns. Sounds innocuous enough, right? Not for America’s rabid gun-humpers! No, not even the Sandy Hook massacre was horrifying enough to get those fine patriots to reconsider their position on gun control. Those kids are just collateral damage we guess — assuming they existed! Also scheduled to perform were Billy Currington and Chase Bryant, but oh wait, after being relentlessly attacked by wingnuts, Billy Currington has decided to be a pussy and pull out. Let’s examine in further detail! Read more on Country Stars Tim McGraw, Billy Currington In False-Flag Gun-Grabbing Sandy Hook Slapfight!…
  Not gonna grease their gearboxes either

Michigan Mechanic Won’t Serve The Queers, Time To Crank Up The Old GoFundMe

He knows Jesus hates gays as much he does.
Because it is a day, here is a story about a bigot who needs you to know that he, as a white male (reportedly) heterosexual, is being oppressed, because gay people exist. Introduce yourselves to Brian Klawiter, owner of the Dieseltec auto repair shop in Grandville, Michigan, who took to the FaceSpace on Tuesday morning to say he’s sick of all these gays, and that if one of them has a diesel truck and comes in looking for a lube job, HE AIN’T GONNA GIVE IT! Let’s take a looksee at the various parts of his Very Well Constructed Word Thoughts, and see if we can learn something: Read more on Michigan Mechanic Won’t Serve The Queers, Time To Crank Up The Old GoFundMe…
  Fix yourself a drink and let's gossip!

It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!

Awww the poor thing, get him a benedict immediately.
Good Sunday afternoon, Wonkers! What are you all doing? We are writing this post! Let’s sit together and drink adult beverages while we gossip about all the nice things we wrote this week. Was it all about Rand Paul? MOSTLY! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!…
  make yourself a nice bloody mary and sit with us

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!

Hola, Wonkerados! How is your Easter Sunday going? Ours is very nice! Won’t you sit and have some internet brunch with us, so we can reminisce about all the lovely things that happened during the week? It wasn’t all Indiana and gays and religious freedom! (Er, actually a lot of it was, but other things also happened, according to our admittedly hazy memory.) Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!…
  Damn all those liberals who got paid to comment on the Congresslady's status

Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers Declares Victory Over Obamacare Fans, Goes Home

McMorris Rodgers' original graph, which proves that all Obamacares lead down a jagged path to cupcakes.
Last week, Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Washington) decided it might be a neat idea to stop playing Farmville for a second and update her FacePlace status, with that dumb looking graph above, just asking hey, everyone, how did Obamacare ruin your life and kill your grandmother? Of course, those stories are hard to come by, except for in Republican fever dreams that probably also include buttsechs. To everyone’s surprise (not really), what happened instead was that people got in the comments section and told all their nice stories about “I have insurance for the first time in my life!” and “Obamacare saved my Nana!” — all liberal lies of course. Well, McMorris Rodgers has an EXPLANATION for what happened. All the nice things people said were about parts of the bill that EVERYONE loves, even Republicans: Read more on Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers Declares Victory Over Obamacare Fans, Goes Home…
  Troll Me Twice...Don't Get Trolled Again

Asking For ‘Obamacare Horror Stories’ Not Working Out That Well For Lying Assclown Cathy McMorris Rodgers

Statistician Twilight Is Offended By Your Pathetic Excuse For A Plot
Congresswoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Washington) had a great idea to document just how horrible Obamacare has been for Americans: She went to her Facebook page, posted a chart that doesn’t merely lie about the ACA but also makes no logical sense (a bullet point list of lies would at least look sensible, but a line graph?), and invited readers to share their Obamacare horror stories: Read more on Asking For ‘Obamacare Horror Stories’ Not Working Out That Well For Lying Assclown Cathy McMorris Rodgers…
  Bend over so Phyllis Schlafly can give you your 85 birthday spankings

Happy Birthday Pat Robertson, You Are Not Dead!

Pat Robertson had a birthday on Sunday, and there was a party! It was a very nice party, and just like all balls-out birthday benders do, it had a keynote speaker named Dr. Ben Carson. (Yes, THAT Dr. Ben Carson.) The doctor said many nice words about America’s Jesus Grandpa, like how he is so positive about everything, as opposed to the negative people (GAYS). Also making an appearance in this here commemorative video is the booby-draper himself, former Secretary of State John Ashcroft. Luckily, he didn’t have to drape any boobies at Robertson’s party, they came pre-draped! Ashcroft said, and we quote, that he doesn’t want Pat Robertson to stop using his voice, because “America needs it, and I needs it.” Read more on Happy Birthday Pat Robertson, You Are Not Dead!…
  where's your sense of humor?

Penn State Frat Bro: Everyone Needs To Just Chill About Passed Out Naked Chick ‘Satire’ On Facebook

Actually, it's about networking and brotherhood
Jeez, America, you are so fuckin’ uptight about Frat Bros Behaving Badly, you can’t even let the Kappa Delta Rho brothers at Penn State enjoy their wholesome Facebook funtimes, which do not even harm anyone — unless you’re counting the unclothed, unconscious women featured in those private Facebook funtimes photographs, but why would you count them? Dumb broads shouldn’t have been passed out if they didn’t want their pictures taken, right? Read more on Penn State Frat Bro: Everyone Needs To Just Chill About Passed Out Naked Chick ‘Satire’ On Facebook…
  Not all bros -- just an awful lot of them

Guess Which Fraternity Is Suspended For Being A-Holes This Time!

Aw heck, would you look what we have here? It’s another news story about another fraternity doing dickish things because that’s what fraternities do, even though yeah yeah, we know, that is not what the Greek life is really about. (Yes it is, and you are never going to be able to persuade us that we’re wrong. Especially when we have to keep reading stories proving we are right.) Read more on Guess Which Fraternity Is Suspended For Being A-Holes This Time!…
  grab that cash with both hands and make a stash

Child-Regifting Job Creator Justin Harris Got $4 Million In Tax Funds For Jesus Pre-School

These big David Byrne suits dont' just grow on trees, you know.
Hey, we bet you’d like to read a story about sleazy child-regifting monster Justin Harris that isn’t about his sleazy child regifting for a change, wouldn’t you? Lord knows we have plenty of those already, and the whole sordid mess isn’t nearly finished playing itself out. Instead, let’s learn a bit more about Justin Harris, the small-government entrepreneur who says that government never created a single job — no, really, he said that — and who liked to brag in campaign ads about all the jobs he created at his “Growing God’s Kingdom” preschool in West Fork, Arkansas. Turns out he and his wife, Marsha, had a little help creating those jobs! Read more on Child-Regifting Job Creator Justin Harris Got $4 Million In Tax Funds For Jesus Pre-School…
  fingerpointing blamegame

Who’s To Blame For Godly Justin Harris Dumping His ‘Demonic’ Kids? People Like You

A member of the truth-challenged community
Everybody is being pretty mean to Justin Harris, the Arkansas state representative who just wanted to help some children have a good home and family, and show them some love and tenderness and stability before he decided that since even an exorcism couldn’t make them behave, they were way too much trouble, and so he “rehomed” them with a man who rapes children. They are saying really, REALLY mean things. They are saying things like “put him in jail” and “put him in jail forever” and “what a bad father” and “he should really resign” and also things that would get them banned from the comments section several times over for “violent ideation,” so we will pretend they did not say them. Read more on Who’s To Blame For Godly Justin Harris Dumping His ‘Demonic’ Kids? People Like You…
  malarky

Little Kid Obama Hater Shut Down by Facebook, Totally Nails Conservative Victimhood

He seems nice
DC News FOX 5 DC WTTG Guys! You remember new conservative underage heartthrob CJ Pearson, the 12-year-old Georgia kid who made this viral YouTube thing and who just knows that Rudy Giuliani was right that Obama hates ’Murica, because he hasn’t gone sufficiently last-half-of-Man of Steel on ISIS? (Yeah, I know, the president is bombing the shit out of them, details.) This, of course, got Sean Hannity’s America into a tither, because the kid is a) black, which means Even The Blacks are starting to see Obama for who he really is, and b) they always have a hard-on (figuratively!) for preteens who say and/or write dumb, mean things about Obama. Read more on Little Kid Obama Hater Shut Down by Facebook, Totally Nails Conservative Victimhood…
  He May Not Have Thought This One Through

Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian

Retroactive Christians
Never one to miss the chance to make a tragedy just a little more awful, Colorado wingnut preacher/state legislator Gordon “Disgraced former chaplain ‘Dr. Chaps'” Klingenschmitt has decided that the terrible murder of three Muslim students in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, proves that Christians are in mortal danger in U.S. America. Read more on Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian…
  Demons gonna read Harry Potter to your ultrasound babbies

Pat Robertson: Witches Might Curse Your Ultrasound Babbies If You Post Them On Facebook

We at the Wonkette don’t like to talk about every single stupid thing Pat Robertson says, because that would be a full website in and of itself, but man oh man, once in a while, Pat brings us some wisdom that we MUST, by law, share with you. One of Pat’s viewers, Cynthia, is very excited because she is going to be a grandmommy soon, but she is worried, because all the young kids with the Facebooks and the Obama phones are constantly posting pictures of their ultrasounds, so that everybody can be confused by what they’re looking at together. Cynthia would like to know if this is a sin or not. Read more on Pat Robertson: Witches Might Curse Your Ultrasound Babbies If You Post Them On Facebook…
  All The Noose That's Fit To Photoshop

Deeply Stupid Small Business ‘Seasalt & Co’ Will Sue You For Bitching Bout Its Sweet Lynching Ad (Updated)

What? It's just a picture.
Update: Since this story broke, Seasalt & Co. has removed all posts after February 14 from its Facebook page. See end of post for more. So here’s a nice little case study for your How Not To Do Corporate Communications, Ever textbook, and if Yr. Dok Zoom were still teaching business writing, he’d probably get at least one or two class periods out of it. You got this little Florida-based computer graphics concern called “Seasalt & Company,” where you “offer Photographic Editing Tools to help artisans creativity thrive.” Which is to say, you sell Photoshop add-ons that adjust the lighting and color of photos. You have a new package of somegodddamnedtechthing coming out (really, REALLY unclear, Seasalt & Co!), and you announce it on your Facebook page with the big mysterious teaser pictured above. Read more on Deeply Stupid Small Business ‘Seasalt & Co’ Will Sue You For Bitching Bout Its Sweet Lynching Ad (Updated)…
  People Are Horrible: An Ongoing Series

Idiot Atheist Murders Three Muslim Students In NC; Conservatives Are Greatest Victims

Retroactive Christians
Congratulations, America, we have a whole new terrible murder to turn into a debating point in the Culture Wars! And just to mix things up a bit, the victims were three Muslim students (all of them apparently smart over-achievers who should have had beautiful lives ahead of them), and the accused killer is described variously as an “atheist,” a “radical atheist,” or a “crazed progressive atheist.” Read more on Idiot Atheist Murders Three Muslim Students In NC; Conservatives Are Greatest Victims…
  Ecce Jocko Homo

Vermont Proposes Official Latin Motto, Wingnuts Tell Vermont To Go Back To Mexico

Now write it down a hundred times. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
Here’s a sweet little story of Democracy in Action. A bright eighth grader writes to her state legislator with an idea for a law: Vermont doesn’t have an official Latin motto, so why not adopt one? And for that matter, make it a reference to history? Neato! Read more on Vermont Proposes Official Latin Motto, Wingnuts Tell Vermont To Go Back To Mexico…
  UNFOLLOW POST

Gays Now Rudely Getting Nekkid On Persecuted Christian News Feeds

Here, wingnuts, you might need this.
Fundamentalist Christians sure have it tough these days, and if you were listening to hate group leader Tony Perkins’s radio programme the other day — which of course you were — you learned that the LGBTs (it’s pronounced “legbots”) have opened a new front in the battle for worldwide gayness, by sneaking right into unsuspecting wingnuts’ Facebook news feeds and just gettin’ NEKKID: Read more on Gays Now Rudely Getting Nekkid On Persecuted Christian News Feeds…
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: Everything You Need To Be Well-Informed, Mostly

That was a pretty good issue
Here at Wonkette, we love the weekend — it’s a chance to stop slaving in the Content Mines, sit back and look at what we’ve done, and with any luck hide the evidence before the authorities arrive. And so we’re proud to bring you the ten best stories of the past week, which is to say the ten most-shared on the Facebook, for social media buzz is what gladdens our mercenary little hearts. Don’t see one of your favorites here? Make sure you hit that “share” button, so the world knows that you are With It and also a hep cat. You are a hep cat, aren’t you? Read more on Wonkette Week In Review: Everything You Need To Be Well-Informed, Mostly…