Tag Archives: extreme weather

  It's The End Of The World As You Know It And We Feel Fine

Goodbye, Northeast United States, Can We Have Your Stuff?

Spoiler alert: The dog survives
Hey there, Eastern Seaboard Wonkers, we hear that you’re in for a bit of weather. Andrea Mitchell is doing her show in front of a weather radar map, CNN Money is already predicting “Winners and Losers” from the possibly record-setting blizzard of ’15, the usual idiots are already on Twitter going hurr-hurr-hurr there’s no such thing as “global warming,” and Mitt Romney is already preparing to explain why this blizzard is the only reason he’ll lose in 2016. We at Wonkette are with you in spirit, though thank Crom not actually with you in the snow, and want to remind you to hoard toilet paper, make sure your flashlight has batteries, and above all, please consider willing all your earthly wealth to Wonkette, because surely this is The End. If you do survive, you may want to consider celebrating with a kickass Elizabeth Warrenovna For the People tee shirt (in men’s or women’s sizes), because LAYERING, and/or a nice coffee mug, which can also be used to dig out from the snow that is piled up against your door, or as a last resort, to hurl at the feral Chihuahuas that will soon be roaming the Northeast feasting on the millions of dead. Read more on Goodbye, Northeast United States, Can We Have Your Stuff?…
  Science: What Has It Done For Us?

Paul Ryan Pretty Sure Scientists Too Dumb To Be Sure about Global Warming

It's Banksy, in a canal, with a spray can.
Paul Ryan one-upped the rest of the Republican Party in a debate against his Democratic challenger Monday night. Most R’s have been content to say that they don’t have to express an opinion on the reality of climate change because “I’m not a scientist.” But Paul Ryan went one better and said that neither are scientists. Read more on Paul Ryan Pretty Sure Scientists Too Dumb To Be Sure about Global Warming…
  Wonkette Versus Rank Idiocy Round A Million

A Profanity-Free Rebuttal To All The Poor Dears Whose Feewies Got Hurted When We Did The Tornados

Your Wonkette is a Very Influential Blog on the Internet, an enviable position that nonetheless carries with it certain afflictions. For example, we often attract the attention of the sorts of folks who probably don’t get invited to many parties, because they are no fun at all. So it came as no surprise that yesterday’s epic rant by your editrix re: the destructive Midwestern tornados drew a response from a website called junkscience.com (Also, these guys, who didn’t care that we were profane but called us “warmist vultures come to feed on the dead.” “Warmist,” haw haw, that’s a clever pejorative for dummies who believe in climate change! Your editrix has instructed us to ask how many of those smug Aussies have their whole family in Oklahoma, 10 miles from Moore, and also to tell them to commit a lewd sex act upon themselves.) (Also also, we got some head-shaking from fellow liberals who thought we were “flippant” instead of OUTRAGED!!!1! So that’s a true shame.) The “junk science” that junkscience.com claims to “debunk” is what you think it is. No, it will not take long to read their entire post concerning your Wonkette, because it is about 20 words long. Here it is: Read more on A Profanity-Free Rebuttal To All The Poor Dears Whose Feewies Got Hurted When We Did The Tornados…
  politicize this

Good News! Massive Killer Tornadoes Just The Normal Kind, Not the Global Warming Kind (Updated)

(See update at end) Blah blah blah, OF COURSE the meteorologist interviewed on MSNBC says today’s tornado that flattened Moore, Oklahoma, is the biggest tornado in the history of the planet. HE WAS ON MSNBC, DUH. We have little of consequence to add beyond GENERAL FUCKING OUTRAGE!!!1! that we have BROKEN THE FUCKING WEATHER but Sarah Palin is still posting hilarious Facebook pix, like “SNOW? In ALASKA? Haw haw Al Gore suck my turgid penis!” Oh, sorry, are we “politicizing” the report that up to 75 kids are trapped under debris in their Moore, Oklahoma, elementary school right now? Eat us. Oh, is the science not totally sure yet about tornadoes and climate change? Well we will just wait until 97 percent of scientists agree, then surely the GOP will get reasonable and stop blaming hurricanes on gay marriage, and we can all save the planet! Also, go fuck yourself. Read more on Good News! Massive Killer Tornadoes Just The Normal Kind, Not the Global Warming Kind (Updated)…
  la la la I can't hear you!

‘Weather’ On List Of Things GOP Will Not Talk About

Stupid liberals, why must you always be so stupid, introducing LOGIC into discussions that are clearly driven by IDEOLOGY and also: MONEY. See, after the Colorado wildfires burnt up a large portion of Colorado Springs, Democrats thought that it might be a good time to hold a hearing exploring the links between climate change and extreme weather. They were hoping that heatwaves and wildfires and all kinds of other extreme weather would translate into some sort of motivation to DO something about it, but as usual, this rested on the assumption that the GOP would be interested in “doing something” or sensitive to “evidence.” But as we all know, the government just infringes on our freedom to buy lightbulbs when they “do something” and  “evidence” has no place in sober discussions held by the world’s most deliberative legislative body. So the GOP did what any sensible freedom loving political party would do, and refused to hold the hearing: Read more on ‘Weather’ On List Of Things GOP Will Not Talk About…
  emotional weather report

Massive U.S. Power Outages To Get Much Worse, More Frequent

Oh, sad face again: Millions are still without power in the U.S. Northeast, for about the fifth time this year. Whether caused by hurricanes, October blizzards, tornadoes, earthquakes or mysteriously unknown reasons, the East Coast has been slammed by one catastrophic blackout after another. And experts say it’s just going to get worse, everywhere, as the “new abnormal” of constant horrific superstorms and other natural/unnatural disasters wreak havoc on the nation’s worn-out old power grid. Once the declining reserves of foreign oil stop flowing to America — and that can happen immediately with a simple organized shutdown of the major U.S. ports — we might as well walk away from our worthless over-mortgaged houses and just set up a tent in the woods. Not like we’ve got jobs to go to, or money to spend on more worthless plastic bullshit. God, capitalist civilization has turned out to be a massive fraud. Read more on Massive U.S. Power Outages To Get Much Worse, More Frequent…
  wonkette weather center

Your Weather: America Prepares, 2010

From coast to coast, America is getting plenty of winter weather — and just in time for winter, too. Weather predicting people say these trends may continue all the way to Christmas. Whether this is a “good thing” or a “bad thing” depends very much on your planned activities for the holidays. For instance, those planning to stay home and drink wine from the bottle while keeping the lights off so the neighbors won’t “drop by” with whatever, cookies or something, experts say these people will be least affected by the coming blizzards, mudslides, eclipses and deluges. On the other hand, natural gas explosions and power lines freezing and snapping like toothpicks (or bones?) will turn many apartments and houses into icy graves. Also, Joe Biden called a website a “high tech terrorist” because he is a stupid old fraud who should be flushed down the Delaware sewers. Read more on Your Weather: America Prepares, 2010…