Wonkette

Welcome to Wonkette’s Hillary Clinton Graduation Pool Party! We have many “hot dogs” for you to eat, and Miller High Life for the adults. But oh, where is the graduate herself, Hillary Clinton? According to the teevee, she is “at least 10 minutes late.” And she’s supposed to deliver the commencement address, just like she did at Wellesley in 1969, a speech bursting with such Boomer idealism and brilliance that it made her national headlines. And then she married Bill Clinton, a shit. Let’s liveblog Hillary’s second commencement address, in which she will endorse Barack Obama, and start her Second Life. MORE »

• YOU’RE ALL INVITED TO WONKETTE’S HILLARY CLINTON POOL PARTY: Tomorrow, Washington, D.C. will reach a heat index of 105 degrees, Fahrenheit. You will not be able to play outside, so you might as well watch Hillary’s big farewell speech in which she will endorse Senator Barack Obama, depending on your interpretation of “endorse” (shoot?). The speech is planned for noon, and your Wonkette will be here to liveblog it, since we’ll already have been awake for five hours watching Cartoons. Join!

We will be back tonight to provide more blog laffs as we cover the Montana and South Dakota primaries, the final two in this Historic Election between an Historic Black Person and an Historic Woman. Until then, check out the latest gossip and “news” surrounding this End of this Historic Primary Election in History, after the Historic Jump. MORE »

This morning, the Associated Press wrote that Hillary would concede the delegate race to Barack Obama tonight, which is very nearly the same thing as “conceding the race.” The Clinton campaign then called this story 100% false and said Hillary won’t be concedin’ nothin’ tonight. And since Hillary’s rabid loyalists are already peeved with the media’s coverage of the campaign, the AP’s little “gambit” here has set off quite a storm on Hillary Clinton’s official “blog,” in the comments. An arbitrary selection of the best comments, after the jump. MORE »

“WASHINGTON - Hillary Rodham Clinton will concede Tuesday night that Barack Obama has the delegates to secure the Democratic nomination, campaign officials said, effectively ending her bid to be the nation’s first female president.”

But! MORE »

Can Obama do it? Can Hillary force herself to lose? Every reporter in the country is scanning e-mails, harassing sources, divining from “expense reports,” following travel schedules, monitoring clandestine superdelegate meetings, et cetera et cetera and so forth, to see what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Here’s a bulleted list of tea leaves being read. Our guess? Hillary herself has not even considered making a plan yet. MORE »

Jesus, this clown. Our favorite sexually-harassing lover of women and Hawaiian pizza, Democratic Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann, resigned yesterday after the Democratic legislature introduced nine counts of impeachment. Quitter. [New York Times]

Hillary Clinton’s chief strategist, Mark “Bowser” Penn, is relinquishing his position for the campaign and will soon return to his fiery lair in the sewers of Colombia, to eat. He was “pushed out” by campaign manager Maggie “Don’t give me no guff” Williams after consulting with the Colombians to forge a free trade agreement that Hillary opposes. Now he’s just another fat bum spewing fireballs out of his mouth. Why does everyone hate Mark Penn, you ask? Because he’s just kind of a dingus. [ABC News]

Huckabee is conceding, by talking about baseball. He is crying too! Aww. Now we remember why we liked him once, before we knew anything about his ideas. MORE »

He was a Mormon. Then he fixed the Olympics and liberal Massachusetts. Then he was the Republican nominee for nothing. Always and forever, he was the biggest liar and panderer in American history, but he meant well. The point is: Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan, Reagan Reagan Ronald. SIZE DOES MATTER.