Evil hair-petting secessionist madman Rick Perry, Texas “Governor for Life,” is in some hot poop nowadays over what else, randomly executing everyone. But the scandal lay in the cover-up, of course: why won’t Rick Perry release official documents from the day of an execution in 2004, showing that the person he killed was probably innocent? And why is he firing the state official investigating the circumstances of this execution and requesting these documents? Probably because Rick Perry never read them, or read them and didn’t care. Don’t want to spoil a good killin’ for the public, after all. MORE »

Mike Huckabee continued to spread his subliminal floating Christmas cheer in Iowa today by telling supporters that Guantanamo Bay is one helluva good time. Specifically, it’s “too nice”! And he would know because he’s been there and is now a goddamn expert. Thanks for the news, motherfuckabee! We wouldn’t know, because all of the tapes have been destroyed. MORE »

Today’s fun fact: in China, The People’s Court has the power to execute public officials. And today it exercised that power, killing former Chinese FDA head Zheng Xiaoyu to death for acting slightly less responsibly than our own FDA. MORE »

Bush isn’t very happy with Nuri Kamal al-Maliki right now: MORE »